TODAY–Chicka here can’t rant for the NERVES!! OH, the joy….
Waiting is tough! I am sure you all have been here, waiting for an important email, wondering what will this person say. I know it is the holiday season, and everyone is busy, BUT it still makes me tense. I KNOW that he is a busy man, and that this really IS too soon to get a response–I only mailed him the information on Monday. Yet…I keep checking my mail for his response to my history. In all fairness to the Doc, I gave him a LOT of information. My Trainer Nazi, Donna, said the more he knows the better he will be able to help you–so–I filled him in on the details. (smiling nervously)
I tell my self that waiting is a good thing — looking things over is important! You need to take an in-depth look at what you are about to do. Really scrutinize your choices, make sure you are ready to do what ever it takes to complete the test, trial, or journey you are considering. I am beginning to think maybe…. just maybe … waiting this long might not be a good idea. Too much time to THINK can be hard on the nerves.
One question after another is running through my mind….What plan should I go with, Will I be able to do this correctly, Will this time be the charm, Will we find the answer for me, Will this be like so many other attempts with Docs that only make me sicker or heavier. This is a part of my process….I know it….I know I have to wrestle with all my questions, fears, and demons of the past … and then, determine in my heart and mind I will do this no matter the odds. Normally, this is not a challenge for me. I am generally a positive thinker–I can if I think I can. However, my Pollyanna drive is weak this go-round, so many failed attempts begins to weaken ones faith in the process …and …even in one’s self.
This is not my first time up to bat against incredible odds. I have won before–I tell myself–you can do it again! I tell myself, this time I have an even stronger support system–people who believe in me, and encourage me no matter my outcome. I think …I really, really think …I can handle what ever happens with joy and grace….uh…..yeah right! It is very possible that I will vacillate between a vapid teen, and a two year old throwing a tantrum the next. =)
Happy Holidays … S