I can’t believe it is day 10 already; my, how time has flown. There have been multitudinous tests, doctor visits, and changes to my life in the last week and a half. Looking back over the hilly landscape of this short ramble of a trip …..I realized that ….even I can struggle with sticking to a diet. I honestly didn’t think that was an area of concern for me. Generally, I have no trouble setting my mind to something and then following through with the determination of an alligator snapping turtle. I grew up in Louisiana as a child with the lore of these creatures, and how, if they latched on to you, only lightening would make them release. I fancy myself much like this pre-historic looking creature in my personal determination. I didn’t REALLY imagine that I needed these classes, they were for other people. Well, I NOW think that I need the meetings at UAB with the EatRight folks more than could I initially comprehended. For the first time in my life I have actually contended STRONGLY with my flesh, and I almost lost the battle.
Living without solid food is an experience, much like partaking in a spiritually cleansing fast. Things rise up from within the depths of your spirit that you did not know were there, I am just being “real” or as the pa-shrinkers say–authentic. Dr. Ard–I don’t really think he is evil, but I just love the way it sounds to call him “the Evil Dr. Ard,” but I will refrain this time :)–said that he wanted me to think about how I think of food while I am on a totally liquid diet.
There is … time to think and …..
time to reflect why you would like to grab the food off your child’s plate and run, all the while stuffing it down your throat so that he couldn’t take it back. Mind you–I would normally never be hungry for a HOT DOG! They make me burp, but I absolutely considered taking my child’s food.
All I can say — is knowing what I do presently — Having these support structures in place equals security and much higher chances for success. I want to succeed.
I have to take a moment and say again how amazing the staff at UAB are. Dr. Ard and Lindsey the program director called me several times the previous week to check on me because I was experiencing discomfort. Lindsey called again today to see how I was doing, because, when I went to my weekly meeting and weigh in on Wednesday, I was still having continuous waves of nausea and mental fog–I was more than a little worried that this would be my new norm. I told her if I lost weight it wouldn’t matter: I would stick with this — she kept saying that she would like it better if I felt good. I don’t know about you, but I have never worked with a group of people who are so caring and attentive to their patients, I feel like I have warped into the twilight zone and I am living in the “nice world.” I keep mentioning this because, in my battle with obesity, I have run across few who treat the obese with even a modicum of respect, so I am pleasantly surprised and feel blessed.
Wednesday, I met another equally pleasant member of the EatRight/Optifast program staff, the behaviorist Ms. Cady Block. (I love her unusually spelled name.) She, like the other members of the staff, was a breath of fresh air. We were only able to chat for a few moments, because she was teaching our clinic classes that day. I can say with confidence that I am looking forward to next Tuesday’s individual meeting with her. Somehow, we managed to discuss my maladjustment to the products, and Ms. Block assured me that my adjustment period should be over in a week — YEA — this was very good news!! She was spot on, because Thursday and Friday have been better for my mental clarity, blood sugars, and over all well being–I am still dealing with a little nausea but that is better as well. Smiling here. 🙂
Ms. Block taught a class on Resilience. Those of you who know me, KNOW that I really enjoyed the class. (Just in case you don’t know me, I have gone back to school to study psychology; it is major interest for me, so I took notes as she taught the class.) I love taking quizzes–she gave one–pondering the questions asked, and considering the steps to build resilience. So, I thought I would share a few with you:
–I will maintain good relationships with the people around me.
–I will take care of my mind and body through diet, exercise, sleep and engaging in relaxing activities that I enjoy. I have been limited on some of this. 🙂
–I will regularly pay attention to my own needs and will honor my feelings.
–I will maintain a hopeful outlook, expect good things, and visualize what is wished.
For those of us who are natural caregivers, possibly even a touch codependent, these four are more difficult for us to aspire. It is much easier to give and to care for others rather than ourselves, I am getting better at caring for myself, thanks to a wonderful friend who took time to remind me over and over to love on myself–Thanks Cynthia. The last point and thought for the day will be the one that I struggle with the most. This battle, this quest for health, this odyssey with obesity has been a long unfruitful journey, with many bogs and quagmires along the way, that have almost finished me off with the prize ever outside my reach. I struggle to believe …yet, …again, I step up to the plate to doubt my doubts and believe. And, “Thanks” to many people: those of you who read, comment, and encourage me here on the blog, in e-mails, and in my classes–I think that I just might be able to stand and hold my ground yet again.
Many blessings for success…..S