The Morning After


 

Emotional Shifts.....

I went the fish fry as you already know; I had a HARD TIME.  I was not tempted to eat the food even though it smelled great, mostly because it was fried and I know what that type of food can do to me when I am NOT on a liquid diet, and I was terribly afraid that I would never leave the restroom.  Wisdom had its way with me yesterday afternoon, but not without cost to my sanity.  I had my date night of dancing to get to ….. my reward ….. the fun stuff …. this kept me on focus, BARELY.  I leaned over and whispered to my husband that I was becoming excessively agitated, and that he would need to get me out of there soon.  He smiled at me and told me I was doing a great job, but even that weakly staid my tears.  I smiled, a flimsy smile, back at him, and begged with my eyes for rescue.

Just in-the-nick-of-time, Mike realized that we were 15 minutes late leaving to get ready for our Ballroom Dancing Date ….. Thank YOU GOD (and I mean that) ….they were eating Cake and Ice Cream!  The smells were beyond good for an hour before the eating began, and then there was the gross smacking that I can only JUST tolerate normally when I am at a group occasion where I can eat … this time … I almost lost any facade of dignity I had managed to portray during this event.  I really DID NOT want to show outwardly how I felt internally … my son-in-law’s family is amazing–we love them dearly–I would have been embarrassed for them to see my personal torment.  On our way home, I vented with Mike, and managed to hold back my tears.

This event brought to the fore front of my mind a grave concern for me.  I voiced my concern about how I would handle this deprivation if I did not lose, to Mike during our ride home.  I am not planning my failure, but hoping to plan my exit strategy, if you will, my exit from the desire to CHEAT!  I want to plan for success and having a plan helps me.  I am working, with no solution yet, on how I will emotionally handle the inevitable set back moment.  All weight loss plans stall out eventually …. even if you don’t cheat … well, at least all mine have.  I never have a problem cheating as long as I am losing … but how will I hang with this level of commitment when the road block arrives.  I have to figure out a mental strategy for when I find myself in that nightmare of all nightmares for dieters.  How will I handle “the stall” without quitting?

I know that Dr. Ard told me to let him worry about how we would get through this and keep losing, and I am confident that he will help me come up with a plan that will work.  That isn’t the problem, the problem is me … dealing with my disappointment, and still forging ahead with such a restrictive diet.  I know that I am a strong person, that I will figure out a way to WILL myself forward.  I know that writing out my thoughts will help and that if I do fall …. it isn’t the end.  Dr. Ard is committed to helping me win this battle … and that is very comforting.  I also know there are a LOT of my buddies out there that will step up and give me words of encouragement — I want to say a word of thanks in advance for the help I know I will receive.  Still, after yesterday I am nervous.

The biggest hurdle for me, is that most of the food is SWEET.  When I am hungry the LAST thing I want is a SWEET anything.  YUCK!  Thankfully we had rectified the HUNGER issue or I really would have been a goner!  There are the soups, and I may have to eat more of those.  Right now the broth/bouillon is helping even things out.  I don’t react well with MSG, and all dehydrated bouillon (that I could find) has this evil ingredient included.  I worked for hours making a nice broth with a liquid bouillon that I found with no offensive additives.  I added spices and other goodies that are allowed and finally came up with a nice broth–only to discover this morning that my youngest son had trashed my concoction.

My Boo Man Collin

My boo man, as I call my son, is autistic, and he is AWESOME, but I couldn’t stop my emotional outburst at finding my hard work GONE … Trashed … JUNKED … WASTED … and now I had nothing to stave off my food cravings.  I was so upset that I yelled at him, something I rarely do; he is a good egg and he wants to please, but my strength was tested to the breaking point yesterday, and I am still suffering from it today–and sadly my boo man caught some of that (I haven’t mentioned the popcorn that I almost stole off the table next to us at the Concordia Club, or the nuts that were positioned right in front of me … God HELP ME!).  My wonderful hubby went up and talked to my boo, as he was shouting at himself for upsetting me, to calm him down and explain what I was going through.  My Boo came down a little later and told me he was sorry and gave me a great big HUG, and I told him how much I loved him–all is better now.  (I know boo is a cute word now that everyone uses — but Collin has been the Boo Man since 1995)

Minefield of Temptation. This isn't something I can have much of ever -- runs my blood sugars up -- but it is a Fav!

You can see now, why I have to have a strategy to navigate this minefield to my optimized health — I can’t be living agitated — I have a wonderful family that stands with me and encourages me even when they should probably slap the stew out of me.  I have to get a handle on this BEFORE I implode on myself and explode on my besties.

To end on a positive note, Mikey and I had a Fantabulous time dancing — or trying to dance.  I know how I want to be when I grow up, now.  There were the most marvelous couples at the dance, that were on the high side of 80, and they were strutting their stuff with amazing grace.  These people were an inspiration in every way.  They literally glowed with joy and life.

Thanks for listening to my rant ….. Blessings and Much success to us all …S

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12 thoughts on “The Morning After

  1. well… I thougt it was great to have you there but you didn’t have to come. I am sad that you had a hard time. You didn’t eat anything and your broth was good. Sorry you lost it so soon… But knowing you you have already made something new.

    • Onnie, I love you and wouldn’t have missed it! You are such a wonderful support for me. I haven’t made a replacement yet — just been taking it easy today. I love hanging out with family. You know that!

  2. You know, I think if I were doing this diet, until solid food was introduced back;I would avoid events with food as much as possible. It is too much of a stressor. (Probably you already are and want to slap me via email at this point in time.) Your friends and family WILL understand. As for planning for the future, to succeed at this you will have to a permanant lifestyle modification. That is too much for you to deal with right now. Your motto should be: One day at a time. Today, I only have to get through today.
    I always feel like such a dog when I yell at my kids in a manner that is not proportional to the crime. Of course, then I over compensate the other way. ;} Luv you.

    • No, Loretta, I do not want to slap you! I hear what you are saying — but I can’t Hide out until April — I’m just sayin’. It seems like every where I go there is FOOD! My family has been modifying everything for my sake, but there are limits. I do NOT plan to cook again. I will do food prep where Mike can come in and have food that he can pop on the grill or something like that.

      I promise I don’t want to slap you! 🙂 Love that you are keeping up with me! Thanks for all Your words of encouragement!

  3. You are a strong woman……and I don’t mean JUST IN THE GYM! You will get through this……..you are already showing your loss and people are commenting to me. I wish they would comment to YOU instead of to me…..but I guess it is because I am your trainer. All of your friends at the YMCA are behind you, Shonnie. We are going to help you in any way we can. You are with the best at UAB, and these people know what they are doing. You will succeed! You will NOT stop losing………they will make certain of this! I will also be there to kick your fanny in the gym, so it is a “win/win”. Just keep going, just keep laughing with all of us, just keep dancing! LIFE IS A DANCE!

    • Donna — thanks, that was really sweet of you to share. I am glad people are noticing, even if they don’t tell me. I KNOW you will be there to kick me in the rear, and I LOVE YOU for it! I know I call you the “Trainer Nazi,” but I wouldn’t have it any other way! You’re the Best! See you in Class soon! HEhehehe!

  4. This is a battle. One you are winning with allies and a plan. I’m glad you are planning for dealing with your motivation when “the stall” comes. I believe you will have you strategy in place by that time, so at least mentally you can pull through while your emotions run their inevitable course. Then, you will win. It doesn’t hurt that you have a lot of people in your corner (a number that grows weekly)!

    Remember, feeling like quitting is not quitting. Only quitting is.

  5. Boy can I understand your struggles Shonnie!!! Seems I have dieted ALL my life! The agitation is like someone who quits smoking – you want to go buy THEM their smokes just to change their mood! You have a wonderful husband who supports you! I will be following closely! YOU are an inspiration! I have gained the last 7 months being on bed rest for 5 1/2 months of that & still not physically able to exercise at all! Hang in there, I am always here! On your side & love you!!!!
    Cammie

    • Cammie — Thanks so much for checking my blog out and then subscribing!! I completely understand about being bed bound! I HATE that! How much longer will you have to be in the bed?

  6. Those are some substantial hurdles you were able to jump over this weekend! Way to pull through.

    I agree with strategizing. I went a babyshower yesterday for some very dear friends. I knew there was going to be all sorts of delicious sweets and authentic Italian foods so I had to strategize. I decided to eat a large healthy salad immediately before the shower so that when I went, I would feel too full to over indulge. And, while I did partake of some dessert, my strategy helped to keep my portions in control.

    Your dance date night seems like a good exit strategy in addition to a lovely time! Congrats on overcoming your hurdles.

    • Thanks Jessica! I really appreciate your keeping up with me. Thanks for the confirmation about strategy. Now, I just have to pitch it to the Doc. I will put that letter together today! =D I told my son-in-law about your hand remedy.

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