I went the fish fry as you already know; I had a HARD TIME. I was not tempted to eat the food even though it smelled great, mostly because it was fried and I know what that type of food can do to me when I am NOT on a liquid diet, and I was terribly afraid that I would never leave the restroom. Wisdom had its way with me yesterday afternoon, but not without cost to my sanity. I had my date night of dancing to get to ….. my reward ….. the fun stuff …. this kept me on focus, BARELY. I leaned over and whispered to my husband that I was becoming excessively agitated, and that he would need to get me out of there soon. He smiled at me and told me I was doing a great job, but even that weakly staid my tears. I smiled, a flimsy smile, back at him, and begged with my eyes for rescue.
Just in-the-nick-of-time, Mike realized that we were 15 minutes late leaving to get ready for our Ballroom Dancing Date ….. Thank YOU GOD (and I mean that) ….they were eating Cake and Ice Cream! The smells were beyond good for an hour before the eating began, and then there was the gross smacking that I can only JUST tolerate normally when I am at a group occasion where I can eat … this time … I almost lost any facade of dignity I had managed to portray during this event. I really DID NOT want to show outwardly how I felt internally … my son-in-law’s family is amazing–we love them dearly–I would have been embarrassed for them to see my personal torment. On our way home, I vented with Mike, and managed to hold back my tears.
This event brought to the fore front of my mind a grave concern for me. I voiced my concern about how I would handle this deprivation if I did not lose, to Mike during our ride home. I am not planning my failure, but hoping to plan my exit strategy, if you will, my exit from the desire to CHEAT! I want to plan for success and having a plan helps me. I am working, with no solution yet, on how I will emotionally handle the inevitable set back moment. All weight loss plans stall out eventually …. even if you don’t cheat … well, at least all mine have. I never have a problem cheating as long as I am losing … but how will I hang with this level of commitment when the road block arrives. I have to figure out a mental strategy for when I find myself in that nightmare of all nightmares for dieters. How will I handle “the stall” without quitting?
I know that Dr. Ard told me to let him worry about how we would get through this and keep losing, and I am confident that he will help me come up with a plan that will work. That isn’t the problem, the problem is me … dealing with my disappointment, and still forging ahead with such a restrictive diet. I know that I am a strong person, that I will figure out a way to WILL myself forward. I know that writing out my thoughts will help and that if I do fall …. it isn’t the end. Dr. Ard is committed to helping me win this battle … and that is very comforting. I also know there are a LOT of my buddies out there that will step up and give me words of encouragement — I want to say a word of thanks in advance for the help I know I will receive. Still, after yesterday I am nervous.
The biggest hurdle for me, is that most of the food is SWEET. When I am hungry the LAST thing I want is a SWEET anything. YUCK! Thankfully we had rectified the HUNGER issue or I really would have been a goner! There are the soups, and I may have to eat more of those. Right now the broth/bouillon is helping even things out. I don’t react well with MSG, and all dehydrated bouillon (that I could find) has this evil ingredient included. I worked for hours making a nice broth with a liquid bouillon that I found with no offensive additives. I added spices and other goodies that are allowed and finally came up with a nice broth–only to discover this morning that my youngest son had trashed my concoction.
My boo man, as I call my son, is autistic, and he is AWESOME, but I couldn’t stop my emotional outburst at finding my hard work GONE … Trashed … JUNKED … WASTED … and now I had nothing to stave off my food cravings. I was so upset that I yelled at him, something I rarely do; he is a good egg and he wants to please, but my strength was tested to the breaking point yesterday, and I am still suffering from it today–and sadly my boo man caught some of that (I haven’t mentioned the popcorn that I almost stole off the table next to us at the Concordia Club, or the nuts that were positioned right in front of me … God HELP ME!). My wonderful hubby went up and talked to my boo, as he was shouting at himself for upsetting me, to calm him down and explain what I was going through. My Boo came down a little later and told me he was sorry and gave me a great big HUG, and I told him how much I loved him–all is better now. (I know boo is a cute word now that everyone uses — but Collin has been the Boo Man since 1995)
You can see now, why I have to have a strategy to navigate this minefield to my optimized health — I can’t be living agitated — I have a wonderful family that stands with me and encourages me even when they should probably slap the stew out of me. I have to get a handle on this BEFORE I implode on myself and explode on my besties.
To end on a positive note, Mikey and I had a Fantabulous time dancing — or trying to dance. I know how I want to be when I grow up, now. There were the most marvelous couples at the dance, that were on the high side of 80, and they were strutting their stuff with amazing grace. These people were an inspiration in every way. They literally glowed with joy and life.
Thanks for listening to my rant ….. Blessings and Much success to us all …S