Dance Trauma Part II


 

I love this picture my youngest daughter took on a trip out west. It inspires and calms me...

Last night was Dance at the Concordia Club night.  I really have begun to look forward to these evenings.  We were supposed to go and find me a new blouse to wear with my limited dressy skirt and lone dress pants I have that fit; only we didn’t make it out.  I am in the in-between-zone; I have lost almost to my lowest point, but not quite ….. So ….. We have a slight problems when dressing.  (I say we, because my poor hubby is always dragged in the middle of my meltdowns.)  Let me give you the run down … we had a few, shall we say, ugly moments.

I ravaged through my entire closet — literally — ripping things off the hangers in rapid succession in a desperate attempt to find something suitable to wear.  Once you have started to lose weight, you don’t want to wear clothing that makes you look like you have put 10 pounds back on.  Then, there are the pieces in your wardrobe that highlight every roll and unsightly bulge that you have.  When you weigh over 200 pounds, well, you have “unsightly bulges,” that you prefer to keep under cover, hidden from the view of the world.  This is so, especially if you have given birth to two children who weighed over 10 pounds, two children who weighed 8+ pound at birth, had a C-section, and another tummy surgery that the Docs didn’t bother to tell you that they could have used plastic surgery to repair said “unsightly bulge,” while they were carving my body up, because you were fat and he “didn’t figure you cared about yourself.”  I know this because of two reasons; First, I wasn’t completely out when they rolled me in — and I heard them making “Lovely” comments about my physique — decidedly NOT fun!  Second, he was crass enough to directly tell me this to my face, while I sat on the verge of tears quelling back murderous anger.  Just in case you were not aware; I have ALWAYS cared about how I look, and work

Leaving late ... but we went. 🙂

hard on improving my health and my appearance no matter what my size.  I do not wish for these, “unsightly areas to be highlighted” in any clothing I wear.  Needless to say … having clothing highlight these areas …. well ….. IS traumatic.  I really do not want to see this ANY MORE!

I had a complete meltdown.  Poor Mikey.  He was very supportive as I screamed, cried, and virtually threw a fit.  I jumped on the treadmill and jacked up the incline (higher than I am supposed to go) and walked only at 3 mph (are you reading this, Dr. Ard?) to walk off some of the emotional tirade that was ragging through my heart and soul, all the while ranting loudly (I am only supposed to walk on a flat incline and 3 mph max–so–I cheated! I needed to calm down).  I started to calm down about 10 minutes in, and was able to think of an outfit that would allow me to go ….. late,

Still dancing when we got home.

but I would still get to go.  I would only have time for an up-do (with the dreaded hair clip – tres’ chic –not), but at least I would be able to go and dance for 2 of the three hours the band would be playing.

When we arrived, our friends welcomed us with great smiles of joy that we made it.  One couple, Tom and Pam, were kindhearted and told me how I looked even smaller than last week. 🙂 I am not sure this was so, but I REALLY appreciated their gracious words.  I had a great time dancing with my honey bunny and the two couples who invited us!  We decided last night to take the plunge and join the Concordia Club — have I mentioned how excited I am about this???  This means every Saturday night we can go dancing.  I love this!  We have a long way to go before we are ready for “Dancing with the Stars,” but it is WONDERFUL to be out with so many pleasant people (many who would be classified as blue hairs).  One thing that I have noticed about people who dance, most if not all, are very happy and smile and laugh even in their 90s.  I don’t know about you, but that sounds completely divine!  I can see Mikey and I dancing in our 80s (hopefully 90s), and laughing and having fun just like these folks.  I just can’t imagine a better way to spend my days on earth. I want to spend my time dancing,  laughing, cycling, hiking, rowing (that boat I don’t have yet),

Snapped this in the car after the dance.

traveling, and playing in one way or another … until one day …. I just sit down and quietly fall asleep … peacefully at rest knowing I have lived no mere existence, but passed a full life … a life well lived.  No regrets.

I would have to say this is my ultimate long range Goal.

Many blessings to you and yours today ….S

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12 thoughts on “Dance Trauma Part II

  1. I feel you on everything you touched on in this post from the rant right down to the way I want to live my life. Your life is your message after all 🙂

    Thank you for giving me a place to go to for my daily dose of perspective on why we’re doing what we’re doing. xo

    • Wow! What a nice thing to say. Your comment moved me greatly. I am so glad we can remind each other of what this is about and not to give up or give in! Waiting for your next post. 🙂

  2. Donating your clothes to charity is a very good idea. One of the nurses I work with lost very much weight. She brought me two HUGE bags of suits for Lifesource.We give them to unemployed ladies that need something nice to wear to interviews. AND you get a tax write off. ;}

    I also love the picture above your daughter took. So peaceful.
    Remember the word’s of our Lord: ” I will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on me.”

    Perfect peace. That is a goal I have come to value greatly.

  3. And though you might not have felt that way, you looked beautiful!

    I totally understand the clothes frustration. When you’re in between, you’re stuck. I recommend purging your closet every couple of weeks as you continue to lose weight. It was daunting the first time I did it, but now I LOVE it! Throwing away (or donating) the clothes that I’ve shrunk out of?! How cool is that? Try it… you’ll LOVE it, too!

    But keep it up! If others are noticing, you’re being validated beyond the rude little scale.

    • Awe, thanks Beth! 🙂 I will work on that purging thing — right now — I am trying to make it through to the next level so I can justify purchasing “new” clothes. I do not have many nice outfits at this level so it is hard to manage — and I am not quite small enough to get the “nicer stuff” at consignment shops.

      I’m thinking positive — that I won’t need many clothes at this level. 🙂

      Thanks again for all your encouragement!

  4. So glad we went. I’m with you on those goals–that’s what I want for us. I believe you will be blessed in your efforts toward health. If you are patient, and persistent, and do not give up, you will have everything you want and more (or, in this case, less). I believe that.

  5. sounds like you are doing good one step at a time literally! Now just add some fancy steps and along with Mickey you will succeed.! Blessings…nancy

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