Yes, it Monday, the day before Tuesday … the Last Day of February 2011 … AND …. it is the Day before Weigh IN. You would think I would have gotten used to this by now … but I have NOT! I am always nervous, concerned, and a tad bit worried that this will be the time when the scales stall. I know that I have had a very good run at weight loss with OptiFast … I am more pleased than you can imagine. I have a LOT of confidence in my OptiFast/EatRight team, that, even if I do stall, they will work with me to devise a plan that will help me overcome WHAT EVER obstacles might come my way. This confidence is a comfort and a reassurance that I do not have to be concerned … so why worry?
I have said all this before ….. you know the drill …. sorry, I know that I am back here again … that’s ‘cause its Monday. 🙂 The past … The past is the reason that I am … well, NOT really worried, but nervous how I will handle the dreaded stall. I know that I will shake off fear, worry, and doubt and move forward no matter what, because that is my way … I can’t handle living in negative land. That would be WAY too exhausting — I’m just sayin’.
I will take a reasonable walk later and do chores around the house — working on many different things to keep myself distracted from tomorrow. One of the things I WILL work on today is … something I have been procrastinating over … another sort of Fashion Show for my Pictorial Diary page. Some of these pictures of me are quite hard to deal with. They are so unpleasant that I find it hard to make myself go upstairs and bring them down to scan them. I prefer to use only the pictures that portray me in the light in which I wish to see myself, but that isn’t the reality of this battle …. and I want to liberate myself from hiding from the “Ugly Truth of My Obesity.”
I have to make a VERY STRONG NOTE right here: I am NOT proud of these pictures — they cause me pain. They always have. This is why I dread digging them out of the box. Please understand, that just because a people are morbidly obese does NOT mean they do NOT care for themselves. I know there are the few morbidly obese people that DO like to show their bodies, or at least they would have you believe so … I think it is to guard their hearts against rejection. I would have to say NOT many large, obese, or morbidly obese people feel “GREAT” about their bodies. Most of us care; Most of us struggle to fight a loosing battle; and Most of us fight to love ourselves as we are–this is hard. The climate of our culture is harsh and unkind to those who are morbidly obese. The obese person is the brunt of jokes and stereotypes that are rarely true–this environment causes one to believe negative things about one’s self. People are complex, and the reasons for obesity are no different.
Today, as I prepare to face down my “Fear of the Scale” tomorrow, I remind myself of all the things in my life to be thankful for. My massively supportive HUBBY, My Fabulous Family, My Wonderful Friends, My Amazing Team at UAB, and YOU ….. how can a GIRL lose … well … anything but weight?!?!?!
Thanks for listening … thanks for your support … you are the Wind beneath my Wings …. S