The of the Shadow of Death


Lately, I have a number of comments regarding the lightness of my smile.  Since I am a generally bubbly person, this confused me.  I know the name of the blog is about an ANGRY FAT WOMAN, but I was only angry about my FAT Problem, not about life in general–my anger was specific and directed. I have been chewing this comment over and over in my mind.

I ruminated why are so many people noticing something different in my smile.  I believe that the reason for the change in my smile is ….. the lifting of the FEAR of the “Valley of the Shadow of Death…” that has persistently pursued me for the last 10 years.  What my friends saw is what I sought to hide … in fact, I did hide the dread of an untimely death from my mind … most days.  I have felt as though stalked by the hounds of hell, that at any turn I would be consumed, and there was nothing I could do to escape them.

A affliction of melancholy has lifted off my spirit that I was only scant aware of, because I cannot stand to live in darkness … I pretended (my speculation on what took place) that I was NOT living in a constant state of dread.  I strove to live in JOY and Hope, but truly, deeply rooted in my heart was FEAR.  Now, that I have a real hope that things will continue in the Better-for-my-health direction, it has begun to show in my photographs what I had not even realized in myself.  Until … people started commenting … then I had to stop and examine WHY were folks were saying this.

I have always believed that today is the day for “Choosing Joy.”  Today is the day for living fully in the moment.  One can never get today back, or the people who are dear to us … SO … Each day is a moment in our life that needs to be celebrated along with the people of most importance. This is how I live … or I thought I did.  Self deception is a powerful force in our life.  I know self deception is generally considered a bad thing, and maybe in my case it was, but I thought I was happy, and it made my life better for that moment.  I am glad the gloom has lifted from my heart, and real hope has begun to take root in that hidden place within my soul.

I have a LOT to be thankful for today.  I am thankful for Donna and Dean Jones who hooked me up with EatRight/OptiFast, the folks at UAB EatRight, and the OptiFast solution that has worked so well for me.  I keep hearing the song, “Blue Skies Smilin’ at me …. blue skies from now on.”  I know life won’t be perfect, because it never is, but I do feel hopeful that in the “Valley of the Shadow of death”  I can do as the Psalmist stated … “I will fear NO evil” for the first time in a VERY long time.  Thanks to all of you who made the comments that caused me to dig into this … I am WAY happier now that I did.  🙂

As you can see this was Before OptiFast. I did always find a way to have fun. That pink jacket would not close.

This was two weeks ago and NOW I dont have 2 in front of my weight, and it Closes!! hehe 🙂

Onnie was sayin silly stuff that made me really enjoy this shoot. I have to tell you that I really enjoy trying on clothes these days -- even though I still have a LONG way to go!:)

Blessings ……S

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20 thoughts on “The of the Shadow of Death

  1. My fear wasn’t an untimely, premature death… it was complications with my back and joints. Although the pain hasn’t really decreased, the fear of what lies ahead has. And you’re right… it is a relief and you do feel lighter and more positive. An optimistic outlook does wonders for one’s overall disposition!

    • I could see how that would work on you Beth. An optimistic outlook makes all the difference in the world. What can I say … I am cautiously optimistic? grinning sheepishly.

  2. Self deception; few people have the insight to recognize this.
    Perception of reality versus reality can be polar opposites. That’s why we all need real friends, friends that we can trust to tell us the truth for our good, even when it hurts. My husband does that for me. But I also have two beloved friends that give me insight about myself; I know I must stop and examine myself well when one of them cautions me.
    Emotion does not equal reality. “If I feel it, it must be true.”
    We must test all feelings against God’s word. In Jeremiah 17:9 it says.” The heart is deceitful above all things, and it is exceedingly corrupt: who can know it?”
    I commend you for your insight and ability to act on it. (Not preaching at you here.. just a life lesson I had to learn.)

  3. Thanks so much for visiting my ‘Careann’s Musings’ blog today. I love meeting new people here in cyberspace. As a writer I keep my blog’s focus mostly on writing, but I post on other topics, too. I’ve enjoyed browsing through your blog and reading about your dieting success. I’ve struggled with a weight problem most of my life… lost 80 lbs. at one time and then over several years gained most of it back again. What I’ve learned through the years is that how we live our life is a choice only we can make. It sounds like you’ve been making some good choices. Good luck on reaching your goals. 🙂

    • You are welcome Carol … I will be back to visit. I enjoyed reading your bit on typewriters. I feel the same way about meeting people in cyberspace. Thanks for your kinds words … see you in cyberspace. 🙂

  4. I am glad that you are not afraid. You do seem happier to me, not consumed with something all the time that you didn’t talk about. You would always talk about other things. Love you. You are doinggreat!

  5. The next time we go out…………we will go to Karaoke and I will belt out “Blue Skies” for you! You will clap and dance the dance of joy while I sing, okay????

  6. LOVE the pictures – you look AMAZING as usual but there is a difference in your smile !! I am so very proud of you – you are an inspiration to all of us.

    Thanks for being you !!

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