I hope that your day is as sunny as mine. The air is cool and crisp, perfect for a morning walk. Yep … you got that right … I hit the pavement. Even though it is chilly, the sun is warm, and it didn’t take me long to shed my sweater, but then I tend to run hot … um … I mean I get hot easily.
In case you are wondering, No, I have not heard back from the doc. Why? That is because I kinda passed out last night and didn’t write anything or anybody. It was sort-a-sudden like. That was probably a good thing, given my generally funky mental state most of the day yesterday. I can think clearly today and can ask all the questions I need to have answers for.
I have to take a momment to express that I am surrounded with the best family and friends in the world. What a showering of encouragement I received yesterday … oh my … am I blessed. That’s old news … so on with today.
Still struggling to wrap my arms around 3 pounds of muscle gain and 1.5 pounds of fluid gain. The fat mass loss is easy to grasp. The 3 pounds of muscle just seems like a LOT. I know my legs don’t jiggle anymore so they say it is possible … so I am going with that for a place to stand in victory. That I have gained muscle. OOPS … I am back on semi-old news again! Sorry! I think my brain is stuck in yesterday.
Well … just a few minutes ago I received a new loseit.com badge … not that I live for badges … but I got another one for burning it up.
This is how the message read: You have earned the On Fire badge! You have burned an amazing amount of calories for 4 weeks in a row. Well, we know how that has worked out for me … NADA, ZIPO, ZERO pounds lost this week and a paltry 2.5 pounds reward for all of the 3 weeks of burnin’ up my calories. Sounds like to me my body thinks it is starving and doesn’t want to use up them calories to me. I know … I am back at the past again. Dang it, I keep trying to move on to today. It is hard. Yesterday looms in my mind like the proverbial axe waiting to fall, ever pressing on my mind with fear.
I have to explain something here. Not because any of you have said anything unkind, but for myself, and for those who might misunderstand why I am afraid. This isn’t an unreasonable fear, nor is it based on emotion. This is a fear based on understanding how my body works in a bizarre and unusual fashion. I am not a negative person. I don’t have doubts about myself or in my commitment. When I have fear, it isn’t that I think Dr. Ard doesn’t know his stuff, or that I will start being lazy, or that I will go on a huge binge of eating. My weight loss problems are physiological, not psychological, and not behavioral. My body doesn’t seem to get what it needs from the food I eat. Mike is convinced the liquid diet is why I lost — my body wasn’t hungry, so it let the stores go. Maybe he is on to something; I don’t know. We are going to have to check that out (because Mike isn’t going to shut up until I do check it out–If you are reading this Dr. Ard, help me out here). Most people on OptiFast add in exercising, and they start dropping major pounds. I start burning up the calories, and my body starts conserving fat stores. The UAB Trainer, Adam, told me to hold on and said my body just seems to interpret heavy exercise as I am starving. I realize that the time has come to find out why these things happen in my body. I have the right Doc to do it with too. Thanks for listening to my rant … now, on with today.
Back to my run this morning, (Which will take me back to yesterday in a second. Just wait and see.) It felt good to walk/jog outside in the daylight with the sun shining on my face. I don’t know why, but it makes me incredibly happy. I love being outside and moving. I know … I know … I said I would be cutting back, yesterday (see I told you), but I didn’t do the full 3 miles, just the 1.85 and for only 30 minutes. My plan is to have short bursts of activity every other day, then on the odd days I will go for an hour or so … somedays I will go for 5 or more continuous hours of exercise and see if this doesn’t help me. It kills me because I am so ready to rebuild my arms and get rid of this flabby mess I have. Still, I want to make it to goal. So, I am gonna keep ratcheting it down until I find what will work while on transition — if it won’t work — gonna petition the Docs to go back on full formula. 🙂
I gotta plan. That makes me feel better. I got on the scale this AM and weighed a pound less … if I can only hold on to that, I will be a happy camper! Blessings y’all ….S