That number sounds magical, laden with promise. The promise of a magnificent experience; sadly, the chance of a magical weigh in is remote at best. I suppose it could be the harbinger of doom, but the more likely scenario will be that I have remained the same. There is a very real and strong chance that with all the driving, medications, and meals off plan that I will GAIN for the first time. I don’t like the thought of that, but it is a possibility that I have to prepare myself for.
What will I do if I gain? I know that I will tell myself all numbers of things to keep my spirits up, but I will tell you the truth. If I gain, I will be in a very miserable mood. I will have to jerk myself up by my bootstraps and keep myself moving forward when what I want to do is throw myself on the floor and have a proper fit. I hope I won’t cry. That will make me very angry. I can’t do a blasted thing about the fact that I have been ill and on medications. I have been in situations that I allowed myself to make lax choices in the food department. Like the 3 candy bar halves I shared with Mike on our trip to and from my parents house. Or the yummy 300 calories worth of Jalapeno Cheetos that I consumed with Mikey by my side–he was a willing partner in my crime. Today, however he almost implied that I needed to have nothing but shakes — we had a meltdown over this suggestion. He was saying I should be punished to make up for my transgressions over the weekend … transgressions that HE encouraged me to delve into … see it is all his fault! Not really … anyone who knows me KNOWS that I can’t be made to do anything.
I tried to exercise all week, but I just couldn’t do a decent job of it. I rode for an hour or more several times, but there was no push and frequent stops with hacking coughing that slowed me down considerably. Last nights attempt was really bad — horrible headache that made my head feel like it was going to blow off. Today, I kept falling asleep, and I have what amounts to water bubbling in my ears. Oh Yeah … Fun, Fun, Fun! You know I just feel like an A #1 Super Star today. NOT! Today, I am whiny, grumpy, and easily upset. Poor Mikey. It is a good thing he loves me. Gosh, I sure think he is cute, and I know that I am very blessed to have a hubby who is so supportive and reasonably understanding of my conditional witch factor.
I remind myself that I have come a LONG WAY! I ruminate on all the new and positive things going on in my life, like wearing size 10 & 8 jeans, wearing normal sized clothes all the way around. Pretty much, I am a dress clothes size 10 or 12 depending on the maker, and I wear Large or Medium ladies tops most of the time. All this boggles my mind and makes me smile all the time. I will remind myself that people don’t recognize me and a hundred other fun things related to being smaller. I will keep all this in the fore front of my mind so that I might gird my loins with strength should I find that I have gained the week before leaving for vacation. Lord help me NOT gain during the Vaca! Please! Please! Please! And that is the low down on my emotional state the night before the weigh in. Blessings ……S