My Destructive Love Affair

What does a  love affair have to do with weight loss …. read on dear reader.  I am sure you will see how it weaves its way into the very fabric of weight loss.

I must confess that I have become an awful cheater.  Lust has taken a hold in my belly and has completely ravaged me.  I am beside myself with grief at my loss of self control.  How could allow myself to be driven from my noble purposes? I have NO idea. I have never been given to addictions, but I have to say this affair has been the tiger unleashed.   Is there any hope for me?  I don’t know … I pray … I hope … I long for a return to sanity (OK, I know I was never sane, but I desire “MY” normal).

My shame revealed: an uncontrollable urge to munch trail mix has overtaken me.  HELP!  I engorged myself with 500 calories of JUST trail mix, and thats only today.  I have consumed an enormous amount of this delish treat upon my return from the wilds of Colorado.  It’s bad, like a fever.  Right now, as I type, I want to go to the LAST bag of trail mix laying on the counter in the kitchen.  I have resisted the urge now for the last 4 hours or more.  I even jumped on my bike with Mikey to beat my flesh in to submission…it’s not working well.  I hear the bag calling my name … wooing me with its promise of healthy fats and sugars.  The thing is, even for mega athletes, you don’t eat more than 3 ounces or so …… I have had 7 ounces!!  Help!

What has happened to me?  I never have problems with self control.  I ate off plan during vaca, and now my body is telling me we need food.  That I gotta have food.  It’s trying to convince me that I have punished it long enough.  I KNOW I can’t give in to it’s protests (I am mentally pulling my hair out by the roots–while running madly down the corridors of my mind over this.  I am trying to get away from myself, but it isn’t working).

This is how my whole body feels!

My tummy has rebelled against my overstuffing of fruits and nuts by distending and cramping.  I feel like I am a body at war with itself.  My tummy knows we have over indulged in a good thing, but my emotions feel that we are long overdue for a feasting.  Which part of me will win?  My body or my emotions?  I don’t even know where my mind has gotten off too … my logic has abandoned me to my cravings.

Nope, not a stitch of makeup, because I am entirely beside myself with shame. I don't deserve makeup. 😉

I find that I can only whine and bemoan my situation.  I seem powerless.  What’s the big problem with healthy nuts?  Well, dang it all, they are loaded with FAT!  Good fat, but Way more good fat than I need.  I know it is better than eating 6 bags of chips, my arteries will be clean for sure.  Surely this is not the truth–that I have no willpower!  Whine, whine, whine …..

OH …. Why couldn’t I drive on Tuesday to get weighed???  Now, I will have gained even more from over-trail-mix-consumption.  Is all hope lost?



18 thoughts on “My Destructive Love Affair

  1. They say that physical balance is really managing imbalance (you are never perfectly balanced–you are just minutely compensating for the last minute imbalance which was a compensation for the previous imbalance and so on) just like walking is managing falling from one foot to the other.

    What I am saying is that you will balance this out and get where you are going. I have confidence in you. 😀

  2. I definitely feel your pain. Mountain Dew calls my name in the exact same way. Granted, trail mix is heck of alot healthier! LOL! Best of luck!

  3. Hope is never lost, it can vanish temporarily but it’s never lost. You revived it in your writing! Thanks for sharing what’s inside your head. And who cares about the make-up. You look great, with or without. Love your honesty 🙂

  4. Ahhh lol well it had to be done, you were on holiday – now you’re home and you will be feeling tip top in no time! This is the secret to staying slim – you wont snowball – you know the saying… ‘what happened in Vegas stays in Vegas’…? Well what happended in Colorado stays in Colorado – you enjoyed it, you had the time of your life – and now you’re back on track 🙂

    I look forward to normal service being resumed on Tuesday lol xxx

    • Girl …. I am not back on track just yet! I did great all day and then blew it again with another helping of the nuts and the meal I cooked up for Mikey … well I ate that too. I gotta just get all the way back to liquid and then re-intro food again. This has gotten out of hand. I have allowed toooooo many things. 🙂

      I will look forward to that service returning to normal as well. I am so far behind on reading everyone … I feel out of touch! Miss you guys terribly!

  5. Sometimes I think that healthy foods are the biggest trap of all. I’m not talking broccoli or spinach, of course, but nuts definitely, and for me, also fruit. It’s easy for me to tell myself that it’s healthy and therefore good for me. And of course the foods themselves ARE healthy, it’s the portions that aren’t good, and because our brain tells us they are healthy and because they also taste so good, we eat too much. So ultimately they aren’t healthy at all for us. But understanding that and being able to stop eating them are of course two different things! Once I’m back on food I will need to be careful how much of these slippery-slope foods I buy and stock in my house at any given time. I’m thinking maybe those 1 oz individual packages of nuts MIGHT be OK. Definitely not big bags – of any snack food! Good luck surviving the trail-mix sabotage.

    • OB, you are so right! Sometimes healthy foods can get the best of us when our portion control get out of hand. I know I can do this, but I am being a total whiney butt! Yeah, I watch what I buy as well. This was an away food, but some of it came back with us … WAY more of it than I had hoped. DANG IT! I know I will be ok, but today wasn’t as good as I wanted.

      Somehow, I will get a handle on this! 🙂 I have come too far to blow it! 🙂

  6. The fight with mind and emotions is a hard daily battle for all of us. … …….I fully understand….I know you will succeed 🙂 day by day

  7. I think this is a setback, not a defeat or a compulsion. You have too much support, self control and drive to let this get too much out of control. On a personal note you look nice with or without makeup. I always appreciate your comments on my blog and enjoy visiting yours and feeling the humour in everything you say. I’m sure you’ll be back in tha saddle soon

    • Thanks Ducky! I hope you are right. I made it all day and blew it this evening. I know this is just a setback, or a slight stumble. I believe that I will turn this around … just having a moment! haha! Thanks for all your support. It means more than you can ever know. 🙂

  8. I know you are on a mission. But you should be easy on yourself. If your body is telling you to, may be you are starved. You will make it in the bigger run. Don’t let a bad day get to you 🙂

    • Thanks Saya! I hope you are right, but my tummy pokin’ out isn’t encouraging. 🙂 I am gonna keep the goal in front of me. Thanks again for stopping by and leaving such nice words! 🙂

  9. All hope is NOT lost – you have done amazing !! You will get back on track, one of my favorite quotes is “No guilt and move on” – you can’t continue to beat yourself up over the past… got this girl !!

    • Thanks Angie Gram! I appreciate your words of kindness. I did great until late this evening and then …. I MUNCHED again! 🙂 I am gonna have to go T-Total Optifast to break my habbit I think! 🙂

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