Well, I sit here pulling my Saturday together, after a deliciously long walk up my man-made-treadmill-hill for 61.something-or-other minutes that burned up 567 calories without taking into account the 25 pound weight pack I had on my back, slightly frustrated. All week long I have watched my weight climb right back up the scales at the point I weighed in last night I was up 7 pounds. Gotta love that. I have no clue what the deal is either. I haven’t changed my eating habits. My exercise has been down some this week, but not that much. Mike and I rode bikes for an hour last night and ran for 30 minutes … still the scales are inching up the incline.
Well, my body is back to being unpredictable, which I hate. I was sticking to my low training, low food consumption diet to get to goal, but I have run out of time for training for October’s race in Martindale, Texas. While I will not be able to run the race, I must to have power to paddle 5.5 miles down the river and power to bike the 16.5 miles before that for us to qualify. This takes 3 days in the gym lifting weights, and 3 to 4 days walking/running, 3 to 4 days biking 20 plus miles at a minimum for me to be ready to give it my all for the race. While it isn’t a stellar performance, I always like to give my best. Keep in mind that last year, even though I trained all through the summer I weighed 255 pounds, so even if I am not the 150 I was hoping for, 182 or what ever I am right now is much lighter than last year, by a LOT.
The dilemma: Do I start my training? If I do start up with weights and heavy exercise, I will gain weight. Why? Because I will begin to build muscle in a big time way, and that is what my body has always done in the past. I love the idea of the muscled look my body would take on, but not loving the idea moving back up, by 10 pounds or more, in the weight category. At a bare minimum, I would gain for a month–that is hard to think about. OR do I hunker down and go all out balls-to-the-walls with the liquid diet to try and push this weight all the way down, but would I lose enough that I could train at all???
I’m here again, flipping and flopping about what direction I want to take. It felt good to think that I had this mess figured out. Uuhhhggg!! I am not sure what I am going to do. Why am I so frustrated? Well, eating the way I am right now affords me modest training, which will keep me in good shape, not Premium race shape, but good enough to hold my own. This, although not exciting, keeps me from looking like a dolt and us not qualifying in the first two portions of the race. A very big deal indeed. If I go back to full formula, I will not have energy to train, not to mention gagging on sweet food again. I was so excited with last weeks results, because that meant I would be able to have my cake and eat it too so to speak. Sadly, it is not looking this way today. UHHHGGG!
There is a strong pull for the full on training; I am tired of the flabby-squishy-gishy woman. People remark on how fit and firm I look, but I must tell you that I am squishy and floppy, and my muscles are non-responsive, something I am not normally. I don’t like how my body moves and feels … I like the firm solid feel of muscle. I like the feeling of strength on command in my limbs. I was holding out to lose, but, dang it all, this is getting on my nerves. The inconsistent movement downward. Well, more like the roller coaster ride of up and down in the same exact spot for months is making me nuts. If the weight gain had been sudden instead of constant I would not be quite so frustrated, figuring it was an anomoly, but just like last week when the scales went continuously down; this week they have gone continuously upward. Making me NUTS!
So … if I decide to push for fitness and training, will you all be here with me through the agonizing disappointment of weight gain? I will need the buddies more then than ever. I am going to meet with Lindsey at UAB to get a plan for either direction that I chose to take. I am at the point of no return for the race, unless I chose to give it up, and I really DO NOT want to do that. So, keep me in your thoughts as I ponder my latest question. I must make a decision. Once the plan of action is chosen there will be no wobbling, just straight forward movement.
Gotta LOVE the calm that exercise leaves you with … like you can just handle what ever with a smile, which is what I am doing. Gonna go get the rest of my day underway … S