Blah, Blah, Blah …. Whatever!
I am not wearing my happy face today, and it is not just because the scales didn’t give me the number I was looking for either. I had my plan, thought it out and decided what I wanted to do … was acting on that plan. Lindsey felt she could come up with a good food plan, but she wanted me to talk with Dr. Ard before we changed anything. WHAHHH! He looked over at me with that sweet smile (after listening to me), and said, I want you to go back to stage one of Transition eating only one meal a day. 4 oz lean meat and 1 cup raw veggies or 1/2 cut cooked veggies. I am SICK OF OPTIFAST shakes … just sayin’ … I wanted to eat REAL FOOD.
I smiled at him when what I wanted to do was cry, because I was so mad I could barely see straight. Mad at Dr. Ard? NO, just sick and (insert bad word here) tired of sweet shakes. I don’t like sweet food. It’s my body: I have a right to make the plans for my body … so why am I allowing Dr. Ard after 5 minutes of listening and considering to shoot all my plans to pieces? Well, I trust him and his smiley self. He has gotten me this far, even if I don’t like his plan, I owe it to myself to listen to what he tells me. Up to this point, he has been able to help me maneuver around multitudinous obstacles for successful weight loss. I know that I sure don’t want to gain the 70+ pounds back! Do I like his plan. NOOOOOOO!! Thus the reason for the shark attack in the pool, not for the reasons you might suppose. I am the shark … that is a good picture of the anger that rose up in me at having to eat like this again.
I came home in a snit. Walked in and ate 12 rice thins (which is only slightly more than 1/2 a serving or portion) with a wedge of Laughing Cow Cheese (that is an unusual name for a cheese by-the-way); once that was consumed, I made the wise decision to have a grilled cheese and french fries for my second lunch. I made said grilled cheese with thick slices of Italian bread slathered with real butter, with three slices of three varieties of the most decadent cheeses melted to perfection between perfectly golden crisped bread, washed down with an ice cold diet soda. Ahhh! The last meal of the condemned … yes I felt sentenced to eternal torture. Well, I know that is a touch over dramatized, but this has been six months of a liquid diet … and I have to tell you: enough is enough.
Don’t get me wrong; it isn’t that OptiFast is a bad product, because it isn’t. It is a good product, and it works well with my body. I am just sick of it. I was mentally set for a break. Healthy food break, but when they shot my plans to hell, well, I went postal. I went for fat laden comfort food. I feel better now that I ate my yummy grilled cheese. I have no guilt or shame for eating it. I was worth the cost. I LOVED IT! Now I feel like I can face this problem again. So, Today, I am not obeying Dr. Ard. I am going to eat what I want to. Just today. Tomorrow, I will follow orders.
He feels that the reason for my up and down weight has to do with my sleep … or rather the lack of sleep for the better part of 2 months. He made good arguments, and I know he knows his stuff, so the Evil/Sweet Dr. Ard’s suggestions must be followed. I know he is right about losing, and I hope he is right that the reason I am struggling is the lack of sleep. He fixed that today by getting my meds ordered. So tonight I should sleep the sleep of the righteous even though I am more like the demented today.
Just so you know, I do not feel bad about the 3.5 pound weight gain: I expected it. You can’t add weights in without a gain, or let me rephrase that … I can’t add them in without a gain. I am OK with the upward motion of the mean-nasty-bad-cruel scales; it was planned for. I was not OK with the plan change; that I was NOT prepared for. I have, however, become increasingly more OK with Dr. Ard’s diet plan change –as my food orgy has worked to settled my nerves. I hear him saying that I can do this, once I get sleep. I tell myself: he knows his stuff … you gotta listen.
So, I will listen and obey, even though I do NOT wish too. I want to reach my goal, and I want to keep my weight off … for life.
Don’t worry about me; I am gonna be OK. I just had to wrap my brain around this new plan. I wish I could have cried, because I know I would have felt better faster, and without food. I just do not cry easily, instead I growl, fuss, rage, and often times cuss till I feel better. I did that with my loving and supportive hubby. He is the best, in case you missed that. 🙂
- I am going to trust Dr. Ard.
- I must!
- I will be OK!
- I have come toooooo far to quit now.
- I won’t quit, ‘cuz I don’t know how …just sayin’.
- Besides I am more better now. 🙂
Until tomorrow sweet friends … S