Once I made up my mind to move forward with my changes, I found that peace settled over my mind and body like a warm cloak on a cold winters day. All my shivering and quaking ceased, a calm came over me; I could again see clearly, and think positively. My disquiet arose not from following my internal guide that screamed, “WE NEED A BREAK or we are going to quit you,” but in dropping my own carefully thought out decision for someone else’s plan. Granted that someone is an expert in this field, an expert that I trust, so it was very hard to go against his advice. Still, I know me. I know I was collapsing. Today …well, it is amazing what focus can do for a clunky-chunky-churning-flopping-cloudy brain, ahhhh …. I can breathe. I can smile. YEA!
Yesterday was GREAT. I am still working out what I am going to eat, I feel sure by the end of this week I will have a menu plan to follow for my two or three real meals with my shakes for the other three to keep things wonderfully on track. The shakes are great for keeping hunger at bay after strong exercise IF I am eating real savory food to go with them. For the first time in weeks, I was not starving all day. I ate until I stopped feeling hungry. Which sometimes meant that after my “real food” I had to add a shake as well to stop the hunger. This morning my scales were down another pound. So … I am pretty cool with things so far.
What did I do yesterday? I am so glad you asked … I was waiting to tell you (smiling). Well, I ran off to the gym for about 15 to 20 minutes weight training before Donna and the reformer (torture) room for an hour. Then, Mikey and I went for a 55 minute bike ride. Have I mentioned that I am sore in places I forgot that I had? hehe. FEELS GREAT!
Just for clarification: I am going to express to my doctors my chosen path for the time being in an e-mail so they are not in complete shock when I forward them my food journal on Sunday night (via email). I am NOT changing Doctors or Programs. I will still go in every Tuesday for them to weigh me and keep and eye on my progress as I go through my break. I will still attend the classes to keep myself on focus, because as I said I’m NOT Quitting! Their scales break down what you are gaining or losing (the fat, the muscle, the water … oh … and the stinking BMI number). This way I can keep a better eye on what if anything I am gaining. Gaining muscle and water (water goes up with muscle) is ok, gaining fat is NOT!
I was going to write more … I haven’t checked this …. probably chocked full of errors …. but my Sophie girl is here and I gotta go play …..S