Warring with the Flesh


I got this snuggly robe in a large because I wanted to feel all wrapped up ... Sorry ... I know y'all are disappointed that I didn't model the gown. A girl's gotta look out for her dignity.

How’s everyone out there in Blog-land?  I hope you all are doing well.

I am wishing all of you the best Holiday Season ever.  For those of you who are dieting like I am, I am praying for all our strength.  It is much harder to press forward when so much food abounds in almost Biblical proportions at every table we find ourselves seated. We have all come so far … we can stick to our plans through this battlefield of the mind and senses.  We can come out the other side of this pig-fest we call The Holiday Season exactly where we each planned to be.  WE CAN.  I believe we will.    😀

With that said … I am struggling (she smiles bewildered off into the distance).  I am not sure if any of you have this problem or not, but I seem to struggle when my scales don’t act the way they should.  This morning I was up from 169.2 yesterday to 169.8 today.  I didn’t cheat, I didn’t do much anything different–expect–I don’t think I drank enough water.  I know that can cause you to hold water weight–so I am telling myself that.  Sadly, my logic isn’t working well these days … boo hiss … poor pittiful me.  NOT!  I am really ok but … there is the temptations ….

The problem is everyone is eating yummy foods in front of me while I am limited to a few things that I know work well for my continued loss.  What’s the deal with all this wanting to eat food I know I really don’t want??  I think I get ticked off when the scales don’t behave, even though I have noticed that I spike up every Monday and Tuesday, sometimes even Saturdays spike up, of each week.  I seem to be on a cycle of some sort.  Intellectually I can accept this, but my emotions give me fits every time this happens, and I know I am dealing with some emotional something-or-other!  I don’t move off plan, but I seem to suffer worse than normal.  Am I alone in this??

Those feelings lead to bad thoughts.  I have moments where I would like to slap the yummy treats out of strangers unsuspecting hands and watch the smile drain from their faces.  Inside I laugh with glee.  I know … that is horrible of me isn’t it?  It is ok you can say that is bad, because it IS!  I would never do that to anyone, but somedays you just feel tortured by everyone elses pleasure.  I’m just sayin’.  I spent most of my day (today) kinda pissy (please excuse my French), and wanting foods I normally don’t care about–hinking sweet thoughts like I just mentioned.  Could it have been the fact that I went grocery shopping to make favorite foods that I will not partake of?  I don’t know … what da you think?

I can see changes in my body that I like, and changes that I don’t.  Certain areas of a girl’s body … uh … well … let’s just say she would rather not lose … sorry guys, but it is the truth.  They tend to go first or in bizarre ways.  Things just don’t look right at the moment– AND–this is actually a good thing.  I know this, but there are some emotional adjustments taking place.  You add these emotional adjustments to the fluctuating scale shifts and you get a humdinger-of-a-roller-coaster-ride where feelings are concerned. Truly, I tell myself, these are good things, because it means I am losing the yucky visceral fat that causes serious health problems.  Still, all the change takes some getting used to … Am I alone in feeling this way???

Does anyone else struggle with the image they see in the mirror and accepting the change?  Whether you have just started a weight journey of your own, or if you are actually at the finish line … do you struggle with the image that you see? I must add; I am not disappointed by any means, just sort of dumbfounded at times.  I am very excited that all my shoes are falling off my feet.  Then, there is my purchasing size MEDIUM sleepwear and they are almost big on me.  I naturally reach for large/X-large, but that is not my size any longer.  This is fun and thrilling, but it still takes getting used to.  Again, I find myself in the place where most of my clothes do not fit.  I am about to hit the Thrift store–this is crazy!  I don’t even have socks that fit?!?!    😀

Such a terrible problem to have.   😉

Again, these are all good things so No worries over here; except that we may go broke clothing me! Hahaha!  I have wonderful and extremely understanding support that allows me to work through all my wild emotions freely.  My husband looks at me with the same loving eyes, and reaffirms that he is pleased with me, and reminds me that I should not worry about the things on my body that distress me.  I am blessed.  My family is cheering for me like I have won some major lottery.

Life really is good.  I tell myself these things, because I am getting sick of eating the same ole same ole.  I feel like I am at war with myself.  The me that wants to reach goal is getting really annoyed with the me (my body) that is makin’ me gag and is craving fatty carby stuff.  My body has developed a mind of its own, and is trying to jank my mind around to get the yummy fat treats it wants to eat.  If it messes with me much more I will teach it a lesson!  Shonnie will be shakin’ it again.  That’ll teach it to gripe about eating a shrimp salad!

I want to leave you each with the words Lindsey Lee spoke at our last clinic meeting.  “One day cannot wreck all the hard work you have put in this year, so if you go off plan, let that be your plan.”  One day will only slow things down, not stop or undo the progress we have made all year.

Just in case I wanted to give in to my bad behavin’ body–here is a little reminder!

This red shirt had to be worn with top open because the buttons would pop open otherwise and leave me exposed. I also had to leave one unbouttoned at the bottom as well for comfort. I always felt great about myself when this shirt was comfy enough to leave buttoned. I hated this picture.

Just wanted you to see how one of my favorite shirts -- one of my security blankets -- once looked. I am letting go now. 😀

I don't know about you, but I really think it is time to let go of this shirt. I think I can now. 😀 I think this should help keep me focused don't you? 😀

Blessings and wishing you the best Holiday ever! …..S

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19 thoughts on “Warring with the Flesh

  1. Wow Shonnie, you look Fab-U-lous DAhling… I love the snuggly robe. I have an old brown one that I refuse to get rid of. I think it is about 15 years old now and my mom has given me two or three replacements, but they are never the same and I just give them away and stick with my cuddly old brown fav. Yours however, looks cute like you. The weight loss is impressive, but not nearly as impressive as the blog and documentation! You are an inspiration. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

    • Michelle — You are so sweet to say that Dahling! hehehe! I love the snuggly robe. I have never needed one in the past. Who wanted to buy a 3X anyway! Hehe!

      Enjoy your cuddly robe or as my british friend says — your dressing gown. I think that makes it sound more lovely, don’t you? hehe!

      Thank you for saying that about my blog. You have NO idea how much that means to me. I hope you and yours have a WONDERFUL Thanksgiving. 😀

  2. You are doing amazing. I find that training my mind is the hardest thing to deal with. My mind just wants whatever it can’t have. Under normal circumstances i can’t stand Taco Bell, but when I’m on my full program I could kill for a taco!

    You are awesome, and the pictures show what an amazing commitment you have made! I have to say, loosing my top half (which I normally thought was some of my best features) has been my least favorite part of weight loss. I do like buying Medium shirts instead of Large, and actually fitting into the ‘cute’ undergarments!

    Onto another day my blog-friend!

    • The STRANGEST things smell good — like my son’s frozen burritos! YUCK! I can’t eat them without them burping up and cramping me but they make me nutty hungry for them everytime he cooks them! Totally understand what you are saying.

      Thanks for saying I am awesome. I am pressing in and onward. I read that you have started your second push during the Holidays. How hard do you think that will be this time??? Yeah, I am not liking how the “twins” look these days, but the rest of me looks a LOT better and well … we can buy some new “twins” if it gets really bad! hahaha! 😀

  3. I have a snuggly wuggly dressing gown like that too – only trouble is… it can sometimes be difficult to get out of it and get dressed lol – The image question… well I have days when I think I look fat still – lots of days, sometimes for weeks at a time they become most days – and then other days… I think ‘OMG I’M SKINNY!’ Yesterday was one of those day – I couldn’t stop putting my hands on my hips and enjoying how thin my waist felt!!! Sometimes I put on my jeans and I panic because they feel tight – and then I remember….. I’ve gone down so many sizes and I’m now a size 28 jean – they’re not tight… THEY FIT! 😉

    • You Looked SO GREAT in that fabo Viv dress! My latest jeans were a size 28, but it is gap’s long and lean and they run large. So I think I am still a 29, but that is still VERY awesome in deed! hehehe! 🙂 I love my dressing gown–it is VERY hard to get out of.

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  5. I find that I fluctuate during the beginning of the week, but come Wednesday the numbers drop pretty steadily (and usually dramatically) over the next few days.

    I am *really* struggling with the changes my body is going through right now. Unlike you; however, I am struggling simply because I cannot *see* any changes. You are so smart, Shonnie, for taking so many pictures to compare your progress. I did not do that. I just could stand the thought of *intentionally* taking pictures of myself at 315 pounds. Ick. Of course, I wish like crazy I could go back in time and take some now. 🙂

    -Erica

    • I am so glad I am NOT alone in this fluctuation thing. It tends to make me nuts. Not that me going nuts is a long trip. 😉

      If I had not taken those pictures — some I did not post for shame — I would not have been able to see the change as well. Many people do not recognize me anymore, but I was still seeing the same shape in the mirror. I totally understand you not wanting to take pictures of yourself. There were so MANY that I trashed. These few made it through my trashing. My children begged me to stop avoiding and trashing all photo’s of me.

  6. No matter how you slice it, change requires processing–even change you want. It always comes as part of a package. It is awesome for you to be figuring out ways not to shoot yourself in the foot while you press forward.

  7. Hang in there. You look tiny in that fluffy robe! I hear you about some of the places the weight comes off. I put on a bra that I hadn’t worn in awhile, one with fairly structured cups, and it looked a little like a Madonna costume (the singer, not the religious figure!) – 2 cones that were obviously bigger than what was inside.

  8. My weight is up and down in gallops…don’t think the meds help….I try to focus on something other than food. You are brave making all this stuff for everyone else…Maybe that is the torture….are you still able to bike ride…??

    Hugs,

    Nancy

  9. My weight fluctuates for NO reason as well. I wonder if the weather plays a part in my water retention, also the fluctuation of female hormones throughout the month. It really makes you want to say, “What is the point of watching what I eat?” Someone told me I should probably avoid daily weighings for this reason.

    • I am so glad I am not alone! 🙂 I have no idea about the weather, but I KNOW I fluctuate over just the slightest things sometimes. As long as I remember to keep the over all average in mind or the trend of my scales it is ok weighing daily.

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