Where have I been? Why didn’t I make my follow up weigh in post??? Have I been lost in a sea of pleasant memories, whiling away my hours blissfully reminiscing? NOPE! Nothing so sublime as that! Just LIFE.
Life took over and just kept pressin’ in on me; such a press that I seemed to be carried away with the force of a tidal wave. I went in and weighed — very fun and exciting — had to go pic up my blood work and some vitamins. I received a distressing e-mail about my youngest autistic son (he is ok — it is just the horrific literature his being forced to read–more on that later). What is a girl to do with yucky news?? Retail therapy of course … what else would do? Nothing that I can think of, even when the girl isn’t a big shopper! There are times when every girl needs retail therapy–especially when the girl has no clothes to wear because all of a sudden all her belongings are falling off her rear or slipping off her shoulder. Such a terrible problem to deal with, but somebudy has to do it! I know, I know … I am just the girl for the job. 😉
Shortly there after, I made my way home and began the job of finishing up my Christmas decorations after my very successful visit to the consignment shop. I managed to acquire a few really great additions to my very diminished wardrobe. While I was at the consignment shop I got a call from my youngest daughter declaring that I was needed at home to remove her things from my home and into her first apartment. Gotta love how life just takes over sometime.
Back to the consignment shop; It truly is fun to fit my carcass into smaller sized clothes. Now, I have to try things on because I have NO idea what size I wear. In Chico’s pants I wear a 1 or a 1.5. Gap jeans I wear a 6 or an 8. Loft clothing I wear a 8 or 10 … and some others I wear 10 or 12s … it is very confusing. I must confess that trying on clothes is way more fun now, even if it is confusing not to mention massively time consuming. I have NO idea what size dress I wear … that will be a crap shoot … the twins still muck that up a bit here and there … although not as bad as they once did. Mega changes going on with my body these days.
My hubby keeps calling me skinny girl. I am still not sure how to feel about my body. I don’t always recognize myself in passing glances at mirrors. I often have to stop and look again. Is that me? Who knew this would be such an adjustment? Oh, and thanks to all you who posted comments on my meager weigh in post–you are the BEST! 😀
Still not quite finished with the decorations — this year things are draggin’ out! I had to change things up a bit. My tree is normally made up of a collection of flowers, ornaments, ribbons, and sparkly twigs that have been collected over the years. There are a few of those things on my tree, but we added break resistant ornaments. You guessed it for Sophie–sof-sof-sof, so she doesn’t get hurt and we don’t cry when she destroys all our favorite ornaments. I say we, because my girls and I meet up and decorate my home one evening–usually, but not this year. Then we move to my oldest daughters house to decorate hers. I am not sure how all this is going to work this year or here after, because my youngest daughter has chosen to move away during our decorating time.
Speaking of that — my daughter getting her own place — this is a bag of mixed emotions for me. I am so proud of her for working this out all for herself without my assistance. She would not have had it any other way; she has always been a do-it-all-by-herself kinda girl. I am so happy for her, the place she has chosen is nice and secure (gated); so I feel better about her being away from home — well as good as I can. Then there is a part of me that hurts very badly that she is moving on. We will be dismantling her room completely. She is taking all her furniture, and I will be repainting the walls a more neutral color (her walls are now waves of deep blues). This an end of an era; yes it is the beginning of an new and exciting one for my girl, but for Mom it means things have forever changed, and a season of my life has closed. I am both excited and saddened. I have watched my little caterpillar struggle and writhe and break free of her cocoon to flit happily away into the distance. I am happy for my girl, and I ache for myself.
I know a new and better season will come with time where we share life again in a different way. I am happy about that, but for now, I am just out here in the no longer needed portion of her cast off things. One of many discarded pieces of what she used to call her life–with little thought for what I once meant, only recognized as unnecessary clutter. I am on the sidelines; my life changed with little to soothe my aching heart. Even so, in spite of my heartache, this is the way of life and this too is a good thing. I know this even in my moment of pain. What holds my heart steady is what I know about my girl–She will be a beautiful and amazing woman. Then, she will be a loving mother and learn for herself these bittersweet lessons. And I will be waiting … Waiting there for her, to again be a close confidant who rocks and kisses away her tears of longing for times that are past … as my mother now does for me. Life’s circle.
That’s where I have been, caught in life’s circle of death and birth … the seasons of change. All is well with my soul. I am blessed even in my season of change (this is what I tell myself — until I believe it!). S