The NOT so Calm before my Storm

Don't cha just wish some days that you could have this effect placed over your flaws?? I know I wouldn't be opposed to a flaw remover! Would you? 😀

I had a Great start to my day … had a great party with Donna “the Trainer Nazi” Jones and all my fellow torturees.  Until … I saw a few of the photos from our very good time today.  Two in particular (I haven’t made up my mind to share them yet) show the excess skin around my chin and neck.  YUCK!  I know it will get better once I can exercise the way I LIKE to exercise.  Just gotta make it until then and just decide NOT to look at those photos–don’t need to get derailed.

At the party with a group of my favorite people! They have kept me encouraged and motivated all through this year. Thanks Ladies. You are the Best! 🙂

I wish that an unkind photo was all that was bothering me.  I have been starving for the last two days.  I mean out of my mind hungry.  I have stuck to my plans thinking that one of my diet drinks jumpstarted cravings, but I didn’t have them now for two days, and the hunger persists.  I had planned to go off my current plan on Tuesday, but I may have to jump ship by tomorrow.  Which will make spending time in Donna’s torture chamber a challenge.

I have been VERY tired and VERY hungry of late.  I knew I was going to have to change gears because I was leaving for Alaska, but my body may be deciding it needs a break-NOW.  Serious dieting and Alaska were not going to be in the stars for me–I have no idea what the kiddos will have or what my daughter-in-law can eat–since I am going there to care for her and meet my new grand baby, I will be making food that works for them.  Not me.

I am extremely nervous about the next few weeks.  I don’t want to gain.  Losing is probably a forgone conclusion of NO!  Which makes me nuts.  I want this to be over.  I pout!  I stomp!  I Whine loudly to no one but myself (well, there is you … hehe).  I don’t want to start this up again in January.  I have been dieting a BLANKEN year!  I am ready to be on to the NEXT phase of my life … maintenance.  That is not to be, and I should be ok with that.  Just look at Grumpy; he has been at this for two years.  What am I whining about????  But I AM whining.  I don’t want to push this hard any longer.  I want to workout, ride my bike, start jogging, and so many other things that excite me–not to mention I would like more variety in my diet.

Me enjoying myself with Donna and the girls.

Let me stop here and say that I am very grateful for so many things in my life; my greatly improved health being one those.  I am blessed with the best support I could have ever imagined (Family and Clinic). I am very pleased with how far I have come.  I never ever truly believed I would be here when I started this journey.  It just seemed like a pipe dream.  I am so very happy with my results and my life in general.

I am so happy that I would stop right where I am, and jump off the lose train, BUT and it is a very big BUT, but there is the little factor of how much weight I will gain once I start lifting and all the other exercise I wish to resume doing.  I just don’t want to be back at 169-ish in a matter of days.  Many people are taking the time to tell me (they don’t read my blog–I like to believe if they knew how old this topic is getting they wouldn’t keep bringing it up) how I need to stop because if I go too far I will begin to look haggard.  I know this, but I have a goal that is healthy and there is a reason I will be losing down to 140.  I know people mean well, but I just wish they would realize that somethings are more important than just one’s the looks in this deal-i-o.

Don’t get me wrong I do care about how I look, but dang it all … I don’t want to be any closer to 200 than 150 as a general rule.

Don't you all love my hat?? Well, it isn't a hat it's a Christmas Wreath I unwrapped (while playing Dirty Santa), but I was repurposing it. 🙂

My hope is that I will be able to control my eating enough that I will not gain over the holidays so that I can just work on losing the final 20 pounds once I return from my visit to Alaska.  I know if I gain I can lose that too … but I must confess I DO NOT WANT TO!  You remember it’s my blog: I’ll cry if I want to.  Cry if I want to.  You would cry too if it happened to you (every time I type that I see the scene from Problem Child with the little girl crying–that is how I feel about gaining).  I know life will go on, and I will be victorious.  I know this is the truth, but somehow right now that doesn’t make me feel better about the next few weeks.

Does anyone else get panicky about these things besides me?  I have a game plan in place, but a lot of what I will be facing for two weeks (possibly more) in Alaska will be unknown and outside my ability to plan for.  I won’t even be able to weigh on my regular scales at my regular times — so How will I know what is going on with me??  Regular weigh in’s help you keep things under control before they you get so far off base that you are afraid to even step on a scale.  I don’t like NOT knowing! Wahahahhahhhhhaaaahhh.

I think I am a bit of a control freak … just a touch maybe.  Because this really bugs me.

Shake it off!  Shake it off!  You are fine!  You hear me?  I tell you, you will be FINE!  You got this!

Me smilin' at you and saying THANK YOU for taking the time to listen to me rant. 😀

Well, I must stop whining before I get on my own nerves!  This is just what happens to a body that has been HUNGRY for two days — the grumpsville trip.  I did lose 4 tenths of a pound this AM–so I should smile.  Life will go on, and I will beat whatever I face when I get back from Alaska.  I pray all is well with you and yours for the whole of this blessed season.

I really had a wonderful time with my buddies from the Y.  They truly are a blessing.

Merry Christmas and a Very Happy New Year!  …..S


10 thoughts on “The NOT so Calm before my Storm

  1. Honey – you don’t realize what a role model you are for all the angry phat chicks (and roosters) out here. You are like my mentor in all of this. Rant away – you deserve it after all the work and sacrifice you’ve put into this. HOwever, it will never be done. But you realize that I’m sure – once you lose it all, keeping it OFF is going to require just as much work, if not more. So it will never be OVER, it will just be starting.

    You look fabulous, BTW. You’re beautiful and it shows. And as far as Alaska, well you burn more calories in the cold. So there you go!!!

  2. Shonnie, you always look lovely! NO MATTER WHAT.

    Panic. Yes. Often. Sometimes a bite or two is enough to know it wasn’t a perfect 10 and I am no longer hungry but wonder why others eat on, even consume 2 or 3 or more of less than 10 food.

    Whining. Isn’t that what the majority of blogs are for? LOL Whine away, sister, I’ve got your back.

    Shaking it off: Possible. No matter what. Even if you derail. You can reclaim the track.

    And finally,

    Shonnie, you ALWAYS look lovely, no matter what or how 🙂


  3. Since I’m a relatively new follower of yours, it still blows me away at all you’ve accomplished!
    I’m a huge control freak. Huge. If things in my schedule are up in the air, I focus on the first thing I can and try to micromanage it in ridiculous ways that only serve to drive myself (and those around me) bonkers. It’s almost like I NEED to have something to control and master in order for me to calm down.

    I really think it will be okay, and you’ll do what you need to do. It will work out! 🙂 And congrats on your new grand baby! 🙂

  4. I love Andie’s suggestions. But most of all, there is a “time and a season” for everything. Right now that season is to put your imprint on your new grand-baby and you don’t want to imprint crazy, stressed-out, angst-ridden Shonnie. 🙂 Don’t worry about it. Take Andie’s suggestions, eat when you are hungry (you’ll be burning more calories because of the cold and you don’t want to get sick around the baby), and add to those suggestions the way the Japanese eat: Hara Hatchi Bu (8/10ths full). Eat slowly and listen to your body. Just when it gives you that first sensation that the hunger has waned–STOP! Push your plate away and drink water for the rest of the meal. I think you’ll be surprised when you return. Merry Christmas to you and yours and have a wonderful trip!

    • I know Ms. E they were great ideas Andie gave me … they got me on a few bunny trails of possible plans. Totally makes me happy to have even a touch of a plan.

      You are SO RIGHT that I don’t want to imprint Pscho Granny on my new baby boy! The whole Japanese idea is a good one too.

      Merry Christmas to YOU TOO! Praying that your money grabbing … H and your C aren’t listening to my prayers!! I am praying they become deaf, dumb and blind for 2012!

  5. You can handle Alaska – you CAN plan for it. Is there a scale there you can use? The actual weight may not match yours, but if you weigh on day 1, the differential between days 1, 2, 3 etc. will at least tell you something. Don’t worry about the absolute number, worry about the up or down. You could also take a pair of pants that you’ve only just started fitting into if you don’t want to use a scale – if they get looser, you’re doing well, but if they get tighter, modify. Be prepared, though, that you’ll be in a colder climate, so your body may want to hold onto more calories. Be ready to drink lots of hot liquid & to stay on top of being hydrated. It is harder for me to drink as much water when the weather is colder. Think about making soups but keeping the carbs separate – make rice & someone can add it into the soup, but you can have it without. I know you can do this without any input or suggestions from me. YOU CAN DO THIS!

    I’ve had some hungry days lately, too. When I got back on track with tracking everything, I realized I was down on water intake and letting more time than usual lapse between small meals/snacks. But that hunger was mean. I feel your pain on that.

    • There is no scale, but your idea got me thinking about some alternatives. I could pack mine or see if I could by them one. i only have slightly tight pants … so that could also be a great idea! 😀

      One good thing my body usually dosen’t hold on to weight because of cold. It will usually burn more to keep me warm as long as I don’t sit around stuffin my face. There isn’t much room to sit and I have no plans to stuff my face, but to take care of baby and Mommy — so — that won’t be much of an option.

      Will has promised to take me hiking — it rains all the time is very cold. So we shall see — I started checking out GYMs that maybe I can get a memebership for a two week period to work out kinks.

      Thanks for the input — LOVED IT! LOVED IT!

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