I had a Great start to my day … had a great party with Donna “the Trainer Nazi” Jones and all my fellow torturees. Until … I saw a few of the photos from our very good time today. Two in particular (I haven’t made up my mind to share them yet) show the excess skin around my chin and neck. YUCK! I know it will get better once I can exercise the way I LIKE to exercise. Just gotta make it until then and just decide NOT to look at those photos–don’t need to get derailed.
I wish that an unkind photo was all that was bothering me. I have been starving for the last two days. I mean out of my mind hungry. I have stuck to my plans thinking that one of my diet drinks jumpstarted cravings, but I didn’t have them now for two days, and the hunger persists. I had planned to go off my current plan on Tuesday, but I may have to jump ship by tomorrow. Which will make spending time in Donna’s torture chamber a challenge.
I have been VERY tired and VERY hungry of late. I knew I was going to have to change gears because I was leaving for Alaska, but my body may be deciding it needs a break-NOW. Serious dieting and Alaska were not going to be in the stars for me–I have no idea what the kiddos will have or what my daughter-in-law can eat–since I am going there to care for her and meet my new grand baby, I will be making food that works for them. Not me.
I am extremely nervous about the next few weeks. I don’t want to gain. Losing is probably a forgone conclusion of NO! Which makes me nuts. I want this to be over. I pout! I stomp! I Whine loudly to no one but myself (well, there is you … hehe). I don’t want to start this up again in January. I have been dieting a BLANKEN year! I am ready to be on to the NEXT phase of my life … maintenance. That is not to be, and I should be ok with that. Just look at Grumpy; he has been at this for two years. What am I whining about???? But I AM whining. I don’t want to push this hard any longer. I want to workout, ride my bike, start jogging, and so many other things that excite me–not to mention I would like more variety in my diet.
Let me stop here and say that I am very grateful for so many things in my life; my greatly improved health being one those. I am blessed with the best support I could have ever imagined (Family and Clinic). I am very pleased with how far I have come. I never ever truly believed I would be here when I started this journey. It just seemed like a pipe dream. I am so very happy with my results and my life in general.
I am so happy that I would stop right where I am, and jump off the lose train, BUT and it is a very big BUT, but there is the little factor of how much weight I will gain once I start lifting and all the other exercise I wish to resume doing. I just don’t want to be back at 169-ish in a matter of days. Many people are taking the time to tell me (they don’t read my blog–I like to believe if they knew how old this topic is getting they wouldn’t keep bringing it up) how I need to stop because if I go too far I will begin to look haggard. I know this, but I have a goal that is healthy and there is a reason I will be losing down to 140. I know people mean well, but I just wish they would realize that somethings are more important than just one’s the looks in this deal-i-o.
Don’t get me wrong I do care about how I look, but dang it all … I don’t want to be any closer to 200 than 150 as a general rule.
My hope is that I will be able to control my eating enough that I will not gain over the holidays so that I can just work on losing the final 20 pounds once I return from my visit to Alaska. I know if I gain I can lose that too … but I must confess I DO NOT WANT TO! You remember it’s my blog: I’ll cry if I want to. Cry if I want to. You would cry too if it happened to you (every time I type that I see the scene from Problem Child with the little girl crying–that is how I feel about gaining). I know life will go on, and I will be victorious. I know this is the truth, but somehow right now that doesn’t make me feel better about the next few weeks.
Does anyone else get panicky about these things besides me? I have a game plan in place, but a lot of what I will be facing for two weeks (possibly more) in Alaska will be unknown and outside my ability to plan for. I won’t even be able to weigh on my regular scales at my regular times — so How will I know what is going on with me?? Regular weigh in’s help you keep things under control before they you get so far off base that you are afraid to even step on a scale. I don’t like NOT knowing! Wahahahhahhhhhaaaahhh.
I think I am a bit of a control freak … just a touch maybe. Because this really bugs me.
Shake it off! Shake it off! You are fine! You hear me? I tell you, you will be FINE! You got this!
Well, I must stop whining before I get on my own nerves! This is just what happens to a body that has been HUNGRY for two days — the grumpsville trip. I did lose 4 tenths of a pound this AM–so I should smile. Life will go on, and I will beat whatever I face when I get back from Alaska. I pray all is well with you and yours for the whole of this blessed season.
I really had a wonderful time with my buddies from the Y. They truly are a blessing.
Merry Christmas and a Very Happy New Year! …..S