No, I am not speaking of the cute-adorable-fantasticly funny movie by the name of Despicable Me. I am not despicable anyway — well — I am not most days, and that counts doesn’t it? …She wanders off, smirking like Mona Lisa, making people wonder what she is up to (I used to have a T-shirt that said, “Smile, make people wonder what your up to”–I LOVED that shirt). Oh … I digress … let me get to my not-so-fun point.
I have been slightly out of touch for the past few days. I have been in an emotional battle, and I have seriously wanted to chat with you all and get your feedback–but alas there have been events to which my heart longed to attend for love of the company. Tis the season to attend fabulous parties. I have been making waves where ever I go–especially with those who have not seen me in a while. You would think this would have been an emotional high, but it hasn’t. I have had … I don’t know exactly what to call it, but it for sure the series of situations could have been a mission to sabotage all my good efforts if I had not been so well supported by my family. Thus the title for my post today … oh evil saboteurs!
Not all these evil saboteurs have come from without as you might think, though there were quite a number of evil comments that dug away at my resolve to press forward to my goal. I will start with myself, seeing I am the only one that I can control. There are a few things that come along with losing a hundred pounds that are not exciting. The excess skin for one. The crapey (SP? think like the eggs stuff you eat) skin. The tribal breasts. The sag bags under my chin that tend to drape like cloth when I turn my head. These things require processing. I know it happened before when I made it to 185, and then my skin caught up with my weight loss and tightened way up … BUT DANG IT ALL! I am gonna be real here, I didn’t work my butt off losing 100 pounds to look like an ole hag! Know what I mean??? I don’t care to look 20, but, seriously, I don’t want to look 10 years older either. I will be there when I get there … just sayin’. I will share with you the photographic evidence of my plight — woe is me — NOT!
While I have been assuring myself that we have been here before, and it will get better after a season … the other heinous villains arrived on the scene to torment me in my hour of weakness. Most of these folks are either suffering badly in themselves because I, the morbidly obese person, blew past them on my highway to a healthier me, or are legitimately concerned about me (none of these people EVER read my blog–so if you see yourself in this post you have flown under radar). A couple are just mean-spirited (insert favorite swear word here)’s who need a good slapping. A few don’t think before they speak, or even consider how what they say is going to affect you–ever.
Too many harbingers of doom to ignore have come up to me with sweet little smiles on their faces telling
- I need to stop because I going to be too skinny and therefore Unhealthy.
- They suggest that I don’t want to look haggard and sickly. (One went so far as to tell me that I needed to stop losing weight because I looked like a crack whore.) When I share my plan and state that I don’t look haggard now, they give you that look that asks, “Have you looked in the mirror?”
- They are always telling me I look so tired.
- They suggest that my reaching my goal weight is going to be too hard to maintain. (Yes, my nursey pooh buddy, you are not the only one asking me this.) For the record, I am going to email Lindsey, our program director, to ask her if there is any credibility to this question.
I don’t see maintaining one weight over another as a problem. Losing, as Doctor Ard (Who mind you is an expert in this field) suggested, to 140 so that I have room to bounce once adding in my heavy exercise and new foods seems like sound advice. What do you all think? Should I listen to my vanity and the other saboteurs or the Good Doctor Ard??
My way of thinking is that I will have problems no matter what weight I chose to cease my weight loss journey. I believe that I need to try and reach my goal which several of my doctors, independently I might add, thought was a good healthy goal for my body structure, and it appears that the closer I get to the goal of 150, the less meds I need … which is a VERY GOOD thing! My Internist suggested early on that I would most likely be able to get off my meds if I could lose to this range–looks like he was right. Despite the kindly folks who wanted to make me feel better and tell me I had large bones — I do not. I have small bones that have screamed with pain from my obesity.
My body has rewarded me on so many turns for lightening it’s load. My feet have favored me by letting me stand on them in high heels now that I am lighter; for hours without complaint. My back, though it has been troublesome, has been far more happy to bend and move about more freely; in ways I thought were gone because of injury, as it turns out it was just obesity. My legs and knees will allow me to bend and fetch things with almost NO pain, something I thought was gone forever … well … they will
when Donna “The Trainer Nazi” Jones isn’t tormenting them as she did Friday. I am in so much pain that it hurts to go potty! Just Sayin’! OUCH! But most days my body is happy with me, and it gets happier with each shed pound … I step lighter … breathe more freely … sleep more soundly … and there are so many more things that … well are kinda private … but they are WAY GREAT TOO!
Mikey leaned over to me, today after looking back over photos of the past year, and said, “You were beautiful every step of the way, and you are damn HOT right now.” I love that guy. He looks at saggin’, baggin’, crapen’ skin and sees beauty. He reminded me over and over the past few days of my torment how my skin did this when I lost to 185 and then tightened up once I stabilized for a few months. He believes it will do so again. I think so too … but it is scary even so. Who wants to look like a crack whore? I mean really!
I was feeling rough about my skin, but CRACK WHORE? I don’t think so … just sayin’ … and if you agree with the butt wipe that said that you can just keep yo two cents to ya self and betta be glad I ain’t close to you … cuz you could get SMACKED!
You all be blessed …. S