Despicable Saboteurs


Shadows of change ... are all things as they should be? I think so, but I invite you to judge. 😀

No, I am not speaking of the cute-adorable-fantasticly funny movie by the name of Despicable Me.  I am not despicable anyway — well — I am not most days, and that counts doesn’t it?  …She wanders off, smirking like Mona Lisa, making people wonder what she is up to (I used to have a T-shirt that said, “Smile, make people wonder what your up to”–I LOVED that shirt).  Oh … I digress … let me get to my not-so-fun point.

I have been slightly out of touch for the past few days.  I have been in an emotional battle, and I have seriously wanted to chat with you all and get your feedback–but alas there have been events to which my heart longed to attend for love of the company.  Tis the season to attend fabulous parties.  I have been making waves where ever I go–especially with those who have not seen me in a while. You would think this would have been an emotional high, but it hasn’t.  I have had … I don’t know exactly what to call it, but it for sure the series of situations could have been a mission to sabotage all my good efforts if I had not been so well supported by my family.  Thus the title for my post today … oh evil saboteurs!

Some of my heightened concern started with this photo ... really it had already started. My body is changing. Can you see what the cause for concern is?

Not all these evil saboteurs have come from without as you might think, though there were quite a number of evil comments that dug away at my resolve to press forward to my goal.  I will start with myself, seeing I am the only one that I can control.  There are a few things that come along with losing a hundred pounds that are not exciting.  The excess skin for one.  The crapey (SP? think like the eggs stuff you eat) skin.  The tribal breasts.  The sag bags under my chin that tend to drape like cloth when I turn my head.  These things require processing.  I know it happened before when I made it to 185, and then my skin caught up with my weight loss and tightened way up … BUT DANG IT ALL! I am gonna be real here, I didn’t work my butt off losing 100 pounds to look like an ole hag! Know what I mean???  I don’t care to look 20, but, seriously, I don’t want to look 10 years older either.  I will be there when I get there … just sayin’.  I will share with you the photographic evidence of my plight — woe is me — NOT!

While I have been assuring myself that we have been here before, and it will get better after a season … the other heinous villains arrived on the scene to torment me in my hour of weakness.  Most of these folks are either suffering badly in themselves because I, the morbidly obese person, blew past them on my highway to a healthier me, or are legitimately concerned about me (none of these people EVER read my blog–so if you see yourself in this post you have flown under radar).  A couple are just mean-spirited (insert favorite swear word here)’s who need a good slapping.  A few don’t think before they speak, or even consider how what they say is going to affect you–ever.

Too many harbingers of doom to ignore have come up to me with sweet little smiles on their faces telling

The photographic evidence to support their claims that I am haggard ... I normally NEVER share these kinds of photos ... but there is a bit of a problem as you see. Does this a crack whore make?

me:

  1. I need to stop because I going to be too skinny and therefore Unhealthy.
  2. They suggest that I don’t want to look haggard and sickly.  (One went so far as to tell me that I needed to stop losing weight because I looked like a crack whore.)  When I share my plan and state that I don’t look haggard now, they give you that look that asks, “Have you looked in the mirror?”
  3. They are always telling me I look so tired.
  4. They suggest that my reaching my goal weight is going to be too hard to maintain. (Yes, my nursey pooh buddy, you are not the only one asking me this.)  For the record, I am going to email Lindsey, our program director, to ask her if there is any credibility to this question.

I don’t see maintaining one weight over another as a problem.  Losing, as Doctor Ard (Who mind you is an expert in this field) suggested, to 140 so that I have room to bounce once adding in my heavy exercise and new foods seems like sound advice.  What do you all think?  Should I listen to my vanity and the other saboteurs or the Good Doctor Ard??

The Skin Fabric under my chin ... still ... Crack Whore? Haggard? I know I don't look 20, but I am 48.

My way of thinking is that I will have problems no matter what weight I chose to cease my weight loss journey.  I believe that I need to try and reach my goal which several of my doctors, independently I might add, thought was a good healthy goal for my body structure, and it appears that the closer I get to the goal of 150, the less meds I need … which is a VERY GOOD thing!   My Internist suggested early on that I would most likely be able to get off my meds if I could lose to this range–looks like he was right.  Despite the kindly folks who wanted to make me feel better and tell me I had large bones — I do not.  I have small bones that have screamed with pain from my obesity.

My body has rewarded me on so many turns for lightening it’s load.  My feet have favored me by letting me stand on them in high heels now that I am lighter; for hours without complaint.  My back, though it has been troublesome, has been far more happy to bend and move about more freely; in ways I thought were gone because of injury, as it turns out it was just obesity.  My legs and knees will allow me to bend and fetch things with almost NO pain, something I thought was gone forever … well … they will

I wish I could make my jowls look like this at every turn ... but such is life.

when Donna “The Trainer Nazi” Jones isn’t tormenting them as she did Friday.  I am in so much pain that it hurts to go potty!  Just Sayin’!  OUCH!  But most days my body is happy with me, and it gets happier with each shed pound … I step lighter … breathe more freely … sleep more soundly … and there are so many more things that … well are kinda private … but they are WAY GREAT TOO!

Mikey leaned over to me, today after looking back over photos of the past year, and said, “You were beautiful every step of the way, and you are damn HOT right now.”  I love that guy.  He looks at saggin’, baggin’, crapen’ skin and sees beauty.  He reminded me over and over the past few days of my torment how my skin did this when I lost to 185 and then tightened up once I stabilized for a few months.  He believes it will do so again.  I think so too … but it is scary even so.   Who wants to look like a crack whore?  I mean really!

I know once I can really push in my exercise a lot of things will tighten up ... that is my hope ... cuz after Donna brutalized me Friday, my calves and thighs have done that very thing. 😀 There is hope. 😀 If not, then there is always Plastic Surgery! 😀

I was feeling rough about my skin, but CRACK WHORE?  I don’t think so … just sayin’ … and if you agree with the butt wipe that said that you can just keep yo two cents to ya self and betta be glad I ain’t close to you … cuz you could get SMACKED!

Just so you know all you hagger baggers ... Mikey thinks my saggy skin is sexy ... so THERE! 😛

You all be blessed …. S

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30 thoughts on “Despicable Saboteurs

  1. Is it because they feel threatened? Actually, forget I said that. IT DOESN’T MATTER what those people think, because obviously they are not seeing with their eyes or thinking with their brains. You look amazing. You look HEALTHY! And you’ve worked so hard to get where you are, lady, you just feel free to use those Trainer Nazi muscles of yours and kick those haters square in the junk. Barring that, I betcha we can get a bulk discount on paper plates and whipping cream 😉 Rock ON, tough lady. You’re almost there!

  2. “Does this a crack whore make?” OMG…I LOL’d …You WERE beautiful, you ARE beautiful, you WILL ALWAYS BE beautiful. The very special thing about you Shonnie is that not only are you beautiful but your inner beauty shines so radiantly…thank you for shining upon me.
    ~Beth

  3. Don’t even get me started……. 😛

    I can’t tell you how many idiots continue to tell me I did it the wrong way and will gain it all back.

    I love the look of their face when I tell them it has almost been two years now and ask them when the gaining part is going to happen. 😀

    Saboteurs come in all shapes and sizes and their thought process can range from skeptical to outright ignorant. Their motivation can come from fear that you really are hurting yourself to jealousy.

    Just try not to pay any attention to them and certainly don’t use their nonsense as an excuse to quit before you reach your goals.

    You are in charge and the only other person you should listen to is your doctor. 😀

  4. People are just thoughtless and crazy! Clearly they are threatened by your success and by changes to the status quo.

    It’s so great you’re processing this, Shonnie. You have to constantly be on guard, keeping your perception of reality aligned with actual truth… To not allow other’s off-kilter perceptions to mess with your truth. These peeps are not the keepers of your reality. You and the experts with whom you surround yourself are the only opinions that matter. And you can trust your husband implicitly because he loved you at your worst. 🙂 (Me too! My husband married me when I was at my heaviest weight!)

    What you’re going through is helping to prepare me for when I get to your stage in this life-long process. I’m not even halfway toward my goal and I’m already getting comments from the naysayers. I’m doing my darndest not to allow their niggling, sabotaging, well-intentioned comments into my brain.

    There is a lady at the gym with the body of a 20 year old because she works her ass off for it. I didn’t realize she was my age until she approached me one day to encourage me while I was struggling with sit-ups. She said something like – at our age, it’s a bit harder, isn’t it? I looked a little closer saw she had a mature, beautiful face. Like me, she was in her 40’s.

    It made it my new goal to be someone who looks vibrant and youthful from a distance, but get up close and see I’m a healthy, mature, beautiful woman. And proud of it!

    You are a beautiful, fit, and healthy lady!

    • Shonnie, even though I’ve already replied, I keep thinking about your post about dealing with other people’s snarky words and opinions… And this verse came to mind:
      “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces” Matthew 7:6

      Guard your pearls. You certainly don’t need to explain your weight loss to anyone! : )

      • Jennifer … I LOVED both your comments and that scripture is perfect for the occassion. Thank you so much for taking the time to flow with the spirit and share with me what was on your heart. You are a true blessing and a rare find. 😀

    • Thanks Jen … that is my goal too. Not to be twenty but to be as fit as I can be and look good for my age. 😀 I am very blessed with my hubby — you are so right we are blessed women! 🙂 I am so glad what I am going through is helpful … that makes it all worth the effort doesn’t … and a bonus to boot!

      Thanks for standing with me!

  5. We’re becoming the fattest nation on earth because no one knows what normal looks like anymore. It’s either super skinny or overweight. You’ve got medically reasonable goals with medical people behind you. Take in the praise and ignore the haters.

    • J … you are so right. I think we have to work to figure out what is healthy for our bodies … not the latest fad. I think I am going to have to just let the comments, which are coming much more frequently now–two more today, roll off my back and just keep pressing for what we have determinned is good. Meds kickin in and I can’t type … THANKS

  6. There are always difficulties with losing a lot of weight, but I remember nmy first comment on your Blog being surprised by how good you looked given the title of your Blog. It’s still my opinion that you’ve done brilliantl and these other issues can be sorted out and shouldn’t get in the way of your’e being very proud of what you’ve done. One of my little pleasures in 2011 has been getting to know you and Mike a it over the Blogosphere. I hope you have a lovely holiday and I will be raising a glass of full caloried wine to you on Christmas Day

    • DUCKY! You are back! THANKS and do lift a glass to me on Christmas … because I should be able to lift one back to you on that day! YEA!! hahaha! I am seriously scheming a way to head to your neck of the woods … gonna hug you! hehe

  7. Crack whore?!?! WTH? That is ridiculous. You look great. Sounds like jealousy to me. Don’t you dare let them get to you. You’ve worked too hard for too long to listen to that garbage. People suck sometimes.

    • Mom … I so love you. I loved your comment … I had to read it to Mike on our way home from dancing. People do suck sometimes. Sadly, even nice people suck. I just pray that I don’t do that to other people ignorantly — that would just break my heart. I am going to give a few of these the benefit of the doubt, because they have really been struggling … but I don’t think I can keep doing it. I am gonna do like Chick said and find some new friends if this keeps up.

  8. One of my best friends has lost as much or more than you in the last year. (She had some type of surgery to accomplish this, not done by diet control like you.) And she has had the same skin issues. (She is struggling with bat wings under her upper arms). Her doctor told her to wait one year before even considered plastic surgery, that it would improve. You had posted ( I think… memory fails me these days) that you were aiming for 135. That seems a bit low to me. But I am NOT an expert at all. And I would never call you a crack whore. (Hooker heels maybe.. but not a crack whore… tee hee). I cannot believe any “friend” would ever say that to you! Real friends tell you the things you need to hear. And your heart knows the one’s you really need to listen to. We all need people in our lifes like that. But you have to speak the truth in love, and there is a big difference. I have friends in my life that I know if they tell me I need to rethink things… I had by gum better rethink things. I don’t bother to express my concerns to people I don’t care about. So… I am always be your nursey pooh. :}

    • I get where you are coming from with “Good” friends and this person who said, that someone told her that I had lost so much weight that I looked like a crack whore and needed to stop … well … I am not exactly buying that was for my best interest. She isn’t a nurse. I expect these kinds of questions from NURSES … they are just that way and I am cool with that even when it makes me wobble in my assurances. I like real concerned questions …. but jabs … not so much. Those just hurt and are not what I would call the blessed wounds of a friend.

      Ultimately, this is my body and I need to be happy with my results and my health. Since I have GREAT-FANTASTIC World Class Doctors and nutritionists I feel pretty safe with my team of professionals.

      You were close on the goal. My MAIN GOAL is 150. First you have to lose 5 to 10 pounds below your goal before you jump off diet to maintenance. In my case, if I remember what Dr. Ard suggested correctly, I needed to lose to 140 if possible for the best results. I may have said something about thinking about 130–ONLY–because of all the weight training and fidgeting that we have to do with my diet to get my activity and my meals correctly blanced. There will be a LOT of trial and error to get that balanced out. Thus the reason for the larger drop, and my concidering a drop to 130 to have room to play with should I need it.

      I don’t want to do this again. NEVER ever again. I know I will have to use the format to keep things in check should they go off the rails, but I really don’t EVER want to spend a year losing weight again–or really even another month of my life. I just want to get where I am going and work on keeping it there.

      Sadly, nothing is ever that simple.

      Love you girl! 😀

  9. Lady, you are freakin’ beautiful! Gorgeous. Seriously, stunning. I sense a bit of jealousy on the part of those who made such rude comments to you.

    A word of advice?

    Get some new friends.

    • Thanks the Chick … I am concidering your advice strongly. I am gonna give them a bit to adjust, but if they can’t … well … too bad for them. I am moving on.

      Thanks for your kind words they mean more than you know.

  10. What everyone else said, I second.

    Those are some small-minded, unhappy people to say things like that, desperate to make themselves feel better at any cost, even if it means being horribly rude to someone they “care” about. They have to go home & have to live with themselves, and you get to go home to live with your wonderful family and absolutely adorable husband who worships and adores you.

    They’re jealous, petty, and scared about their own failures, bless their little ol’ hearts.

    • Thanks Andie. I am glad you all are in agreement, because that makes me not feel so lopsided or wondering that I am going around with my head burried in the sand.

      I really feel like the crack whore comment did come from a broken hearted miserable person. I don’t mean like this person is mean as a rule, but their lives have been incredibly hard of late. They see me as strong and not able to be hurt by their words … I kinda tend to give off that impression … but promise I hurt just like everyone else.

      I am blessed with a GREAT Hubby and wonderful children … then there is you guys. I am blessed! thanks for reminding me of that.

  11. First, you are beautiful.

    Second, tell the rude people to stuff it and mind their own business if they can’t say anything nice.

    Third, you are gorgeous.

    Fourth, if Dr. Ard says it’s safe and if he’s, um a DOCTOR and the expert in this field, the ignorant rude people can just shut up.

    Fifth, you are incredible.

    Sixth, it’s just a matter of being disciplined and learning what you can and can’t do and can and can’t eat to maintain any weight.

    Seventh, you are fabulous.

    Eighth, you do NOT look old. Stop it!

    Ninth, and most importantly, Mikey thinks you look hot (he said so)!

    Those are your arguments against the rude people butting into your business. Got it?

    • Thanks BETH! 😀 Thanks for all the props girl. I needed them … they made me smile when I read them on my phone. I just couldn’t comment for some reason … seriously annoyed me.

      Thanks for all the great arguments. Mikey does think I look great … sometimes I just don’t get him, but I sure am not gonna argue with him! HEHE!

      My girls got really angry about it … that was nice too. 😀

      • I’ve gotten a lot of, “Oh, that’s incredibly unhealthy,” or, “Everyone who’s ever lost weight that way has gained it all back… and more.”

        Wow!

        First, way to show your ignorance. Second, have you gone to medical school and determined exactly what the human body can handle? Third, I see a doctor and/or PA and nutritionist on a weekly basis and get an EKG and blood work every six weeks, how often are *you* getting checked? Fourth, have you met everyone who has ever lost weight in this manner?

        They have too many preconceived ideas and rather than be supportive and excited for our progressive, they resort to tearing us down and picking apart all the places we screwed up. Because in their tiny little minds, all we needed to do was just go to the gym and eat less and more healthy. Never you mind that extraneous health problems may have prevented the first and a metabolism slower than molasses in January at the North Pole didn’t care that I did the second.

        You keep a stiff upper lip and turn a deaf ear to these people because we are determined to be successful and kick all of this weight to the curb!

        Hug your girls for getting cranky on your behalf! And keep listening to Mikey, he’s a very smart man! 😉

      • You have NO idea what a blessing this second comment was to me. You and Miss Jen up there are RARE jewels … awesome finds! I feel so blessed. God is good and he gives you just exactly what you need to arm yourself for battle. I have to say it again … I AM BLESSED. You will get a kick out this … two people said girl when you gonna stop… you are about to blow away. This from people who weigh 130. I know that I am much smaller than they are used to … but I remember when. So your comment just blessed my socks off. LOVE you big time.

    • Thanks David … that is what I am hoping for. The meds are the goal more than the weight. I could be happy right here … BUT the meds would stay for a lot longer than I would like.

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