I won’t beat about the bush. It STUNK!
Yep — I gained, and I gained BIG! I went from 156.5 to 168. UUHHHGGGG — 11.5 pounds GAIN!! YUCK, and Double YUCK! Did I flip? Not right away. Kinda crept up on me later, and I went all Forth-of-July-ballistic on Mikey. He is totally a keeper.
I do have some good news on the weight front: 6 of my pounds could be related to muscle gain–I gained 3 pounds of muscle and 3 pounds of fluid–which tends to go along with muscle gain. That helped my feelings some, but there is still the 5 pounds of FAT that I added back as well.
We had a great class about exercise and goals. Which of course caused my serious meltdown later in the day. Why? I am so glad you asked. Mike LOVES how I look right now (and I do mean LOVES), as does the rest of my family. I HATE the way my gut feels in my clothes. I really hate it. I am NOT happy about my weight; at ALL.
So what’s the big problem?
I do not have a clear cut good choice for moving forward. Why?
- I am very weak–dieting takes a LOT of focus, willpower, and strength (at least for me it does). I am not talking about just your normal tired–I am talking dragging through mud-with-no-end-in-sight type of pain. Being physically weak makes it tough to stick with diet plans. When you are this tired you have NO emotional energy to push, because life requires push just to move through it–there is nothing left for “extra.”
- I am the only one who can take care of me–when I am too tired to do the work for myself nothing gets done, and I eat either too little or the wrong stuff, because that is all that is available. I do have shakes now so I can supplement with that, but I DO NOT LIKE sweet food when I am hungry that makes for another problem that leads back to the problem with being physically weak.
- Major body gimps–I have had a year of low impact workouts that have lead to many gimp issues of late. Remember the neck, that lead to the middle back, that lead to the lower back going out, and finishing up with both hips making life a real PAIN! I know I have had some long tours on my bike, but I have not had enough real pushes with weight training. The weight training that Donna has worked with me on leads to correction of these gimp issues. While there is no “cure” for them they become extremely manageable when she focuses on my gimp needs. I am about at my limit for ignoring these issues; diet or no diet this is coming to a head.
- Training for sport events–I really want to train for two major events this year (Martindale and NYC Century), and I need to start SOON with that or I won’t make them. I have LOST so much ground with my physical condition it is not FUNNY AT ALL! I gave them up last year and I just don’t know if I can handle doing it again this year. Life is about living and doing; not just weight loss.
What are my choices for moving forward?
- FULL Formula OptiFast–I can go back on full formula and I know I will lose, but I will not be able to push forward on my races or just general back health. I will ride the emotional ups and downs of full formula–something that is NOT fun for my family.
- Week One Transition–where I eat 4 meals product and one meal of very simplified foods. Sounds about as interesting as smashing my finger with a hammer. The bonus of this is I can exercise harder and add in one or more meals on heavy training days. Still have the emotional problems, but not as bad. Requires a LOT of energy (emotional and physical) to do this. I am tired of the food choices.
- Train and Eat Normal–This is what set off the major meltdown. I know with this plan my health would improve. My strength would improve. My energy would improve. I get to exercise to my hearts content and push my body forward towards my race goals. I LOVE the thought of all those things. I had just about decided this was my way to go. Then, I remembered, most likely I won’t lose an ounce; I could even gain more weight. I would have to choose this plan and weight loss would have to cease to be my goal. I like this plan–EXCEPT–I friggin’ HATE the way my clothes fit right now. I hate it. It makes me nuts and upset all the time. I hate the rolls; I hate the bulges; I hate the way my pants fit my body. Can I deal with the way I feel about my clothes? I don’t know if I can.
I have been running around and around this all afternoon. I did have quite a few other things happen that made posting impossible. Part of my emotional meltdown came from LUNCH … I won’t name the place that serves a “skinny meal” full of SUGAR! I am diabetic and cannot handle that. I had a terrible CRASH after eating a salad. Next time I bite into a salad that tastes more like an OptiFast shake I will send it back. Just sayin’!
Finally, I pulled my fit-throwing-butt up by the boot straps and made myself go lift weights HARD at the gym with Mikey. Then, came home and I made my “Tomato-Crack-Soup” for dinner. I confess, I made myself truly at peace with that meal. I got this from Andie–she was doing a detox and made this soup. It has become a joy to my soul. Truly, this is the first time I wished to be a dog with a tongue long enough to lick my bowl! I added my spicy meat mixture and I must tell you this is the healthiest comfort food on the PLANET! Yes, I will share with you my tweaks to the recipe, but for now here’s a link to Andie’s post with the recipe. Andie is a Butt Kicker for sure!
So, what am I going to do?? Heck … I have no idea! Love your thoughts on my delima.
For now … I am OUTY! Love and blessings