Is a beautiful and wonderful thing.
Amazing in all its facets.
Yet, even with all the beauty one can be overwhelmed with pain so fierce that it is barely possible to breathe. Pain so intense that it comes gushing out of you much like the engorged creek that is now flooded with water and races madly down the hill beside my property uncontrollable and searching for escape. The water, like my pain, is bursting outside the confines of the banks which normally control its flow. Torment like this tends to break free in public arenas (not suited for the discussion of said pain) causing further complications to an already disparaging situation.
Am I in a life threatening situation? NO.
Did Mike and I lose our source of income? No, in fact, Mike is working so much right now I feel like a single woman.
Are Mike and I having trouble. No, but I am missing him terribly.
Is my life horrible? NO.
I do have some weight loss work to do, and honestly this situation does not inspire me to push for anything but escape. Escape into food. Escape to Wine thirty. Escape into literature. Escape into movies. Not anything that is actually going to make me feel better, like exercise–yet I have started back on that path. I just want to sit and whine. I want to wallow in my pain, and bemoan the injustice of life, and scream at the wind for daring to blow on me. Life can’t be lived this way–escaping. I have to face my life and push forward regardless of the circumstance I find myself.
I must face my personal heartache, choose life, choose joy, and move forward with what I know is good and healthy. This is not the first time I have been in this place. I am a survivor, better yet I am an overcomer. Life will never dictate who or what I am.
I will always be the definer of ME.
I am a winner. I am a big time loser. I will NOT regain what I have lost. I may have bumps up and down the line, but I am not going back where I came from. I have made healthy life choices and changes that I WILL NOT go back on — even in the face of great pain and disappointment.
I long ago stopped waiting for everything to get perfect in my life, and moved on to enjoying all the good things that came my way; everyday.
My Sophie girl came over and she hugged me and made me smile.
I have the best hubby, for me, in all the world.
I have WONDERFUL children who I adore.
I have family and friends that stand by me in all things.
I got to sit on my porch to work, and listen to the sound of the rain pelting the leaves, the wonderful green of all the trees coming to life, and the water raging down the hill–absolutely BEAUTIFUL.
Yes, I am still sad, but there have been beautiful moments today that brought healing to my soul. Thankfully, I didn’t miss these moments wishing my life was something other than what it is …
Sorry for the heaviness … I will return soon to my regularly scheduled goofiness — I am just a little weary for the moment.