What does that mean to you?
To me it means that I am the mother of four amazing human beings who are slightly different than the “norm.” Whatever that is. I wouldn’t know because I was never that myself–the norm–I mean. I have never really thought of my situation as being a bad thing. I have never thought of being different as bad. It is what is the “norm” for me; to be different. I love the diversity of God’s children here on earth. Their individuality is what makes each person uniquely beautiful, and worthy of celebration. They are themselves and no one else. That to me is beauty.
Right now, I’m dealing with the “NEEDS” part of the fourth ‘special’ child in my life. My lovely autistic boy is struggling with trying to be a part of society and being himself. How does he be? How does he live in harmony with those around him when he does not understand why these people–with the secret code to life–behave the way they do. He tries desperately to mimic their behavior, and what comes out of his attempts are exaggerated behaviors that are not productive.
Life is not FAIR.
Life is challenging, fun, exciting, horrific, trying, exhausting, and very worth the effort to live to the fullest. My current challenge, and I must confess I am weary, is to help my Autistic Son transition into adulthood. He, like my other three children, is brilliant, beautiful, caring, and loving. He hurts and feels just like other people, but does not know how to process all his disappointment with himself–and it is very hard to talk him through this, things get lost in translation. He does not understand why he cannot break the secret code of society. He just ‘knows’ that if he cracks this code he will be fine–he will be at peace–he will be all he could be. I don’t know how to explain to him that “they” are not always how “they” seem. That they are no more confident than he. That “they” don’t always feel at peace–just because “they” look like they are. He cannot seem to grasp the concept that how they act does not always line up with how they feel inside, because for him thats what takes place.
I wish even one of these “normal” children would feel called to befriend my son, and lovingly just “hang” with him. Right now all the “normal” people in his life correct him and tell him what he is doing wrong; what he isn’t doing right. I cry out to God for just one person who would see him as wonderful as we do. One person who would just want to be part of his world and life. Sadly, that is a hard job, and one would have to be called to do that. So, my heartbreaks at the insurmountable obstacle in my path. My wish … oh … my wish … for all my children is that they be blessed.
We are not going to fail here … just so you know. I am just weary from the constant battles in this area of my life right now. It has been a year of dealing with deep seated fears and pains. Promise, we OVERCOME, because that is who we are. We may be different but we are NOT LESS. Our lives are good, richly blessed, and filled with opportunity. I am just weary and long to wipe away this struggle for my child … that will never be … all I can do is teach him his value, how to survive, and overcome the obstacles in his path … how to use them to make himself stronger and better.
Honestly, I just want him to find what makes his heart sing, and I want to help him pursue that with all his heart and mind. I want to help him fly.
God, help me … I wish it just wasn’t so blasted hard.
I’m going for a walk …. life’s Good … Really …. later … S