Ever feel like you are dangling from a rope off a very steep-slick cliff with no toe hold in sight? That is where I am living at the moment. My life is very much careening wildly out of my personal control. It is hard to focus clearly. Hard to just be. There is barely any space in my life for me at the moment, and I feel drug along willing or not at speeds I am horribly uncomfortable with.
I made all the choices that lead to this–so don’t feel too sorry for me. Then, there is the whole practically living at the beach does give my clouds the silver-est of linings. 🙂
I did this to myself knowingly. I seriously thought that I counted the costs, and felt the risks were worth the
gamble. I have to say–I was right about the risk, and that the cost is worth it. I just don’t want to lose all I have worked for in my personal health and life. I hoped that the changes would go smoother and be easier given our previous experience–hahaha–what was I thinking? Pressing though in any new area is a tough challenge that often requires more effort than one can ever project. Would I change anything? NO. I just want to hold on to my healthy life while pressing into new areas.
You can see from the picture that there are wonderful moments in the insanity. You can also see that although there is weight gain I do not look horrible. No full body shots at this time–I can’t handle the truth of a photograph at this time. I am working hard to keep my year of hard work, but life is working hard to make holding on to my weight loss with ease an impossibility. I am not living a battle–just having to make the best choices in horrible situations–which is how life works. Sometimes we have the ability to hyper focus on our personal needs, and other times we do not. I am in the “other time” at the moment and find it difficult to think, much less plan ahead so that life won’t kick me in tha rear.
I have slept for the better part of two days–and what happens? I feel like writing. I can think of the things I need to do. Figure out all the things I have forgotten. hahaha … Novel concept: Rest=Ability to think. Who’d a thunk it? I mean — doesn’t everyone go wide open and just keep on kicking without a glitch in their brains?
I know my family said they would help me, but life just keeps throwing us curve balls:
- My boo wrecked his car–the car we thought we found wasn’t a keeper.
- Our pressure washer kept having issues.
- Mike needs another truck and pressure washer–we berry busy
- Will needs a car
- Will n family need a home.
- Haven’t had my reformer classes in a month because of travel–in SERIOUS PAIN
- I can’t get my food that helps me when I am incapable of thinking. Why? I can’t get in to the clinic to by shakes–well–I probably could run by and get them, but they won’t sell me anymore until I can get in for an appointment–which requires a LOT more time–something I am very short on. Sadly, that won’t be happening soon, because every time I think I can schedule an appointment some other part of my life takes over.
For instance the last time I tried my children needed to be taken for their appointments–these are important to getting them on their own and launched securely into their own home and life apart from mine. You could see how this HAD to come first. This week when I was back, well, I have been sleeping. I planned to got to the doc, but well, my body overrode my plans. I think my body was correct in its knowledge that I HAD to rest. My hope is that when I return from Florida next week I will be able to make that appointment with the Evil Doctor Ard so I might purchase my emergency foods. I really hope it works out, because I need to have things on hand that give me a fighting chance to succeed in my health goals, and my body the fuel it needs when I am just too tired to cook.
Mostly, I pick healthy foods. I am active. I will find a new rhythm for my life. I will. I will come up with a way to hold on to my victory. I will. I will! I WILL!
Thank you for standing with me. Checking on me and holding me accountable. 😀 Just so you know–
I am not going anywhere
I’m Not quitting
I’m NEVER gonna Give up
Just in case you were wondering.