Today isn’t a great day. Yesterday was worse. So we are moving forward at least. Thankfully, we are at the beginning of the end of the protracted pain–I hope.
Everywhere we turn there have been setbacks and traumas. I guess this is the way of things when someone passes away. There have been beautiful moments that make a person’s heart sing. Then there have been moments that rip the heart, still beating, from the flesh. Today, I am grappling with my personal strength. I feel as thought I have been severely beaten. I am struggling with my job as a mother.
Our youngest child, who is autistic, had mentioned when we asked him if he would like to go and see granddad, mentioned that he was afraid of missing school, because of struggles he’s been having with pre-cal and physics. Well, when we told him of granddad’s passing he changed his mind, but we had already booked the tickets. And now, we can’t make it happen. Heartbreak all around. We tried everything, but he is afraid to fly by himself so — there is no way to make it happen. I wish I had seen this coming. I wish I would have known he would change his mind.
So here I sit today, trying to make my brain work on packing. I didn’t really have time for crazy stuff to happen, like the boy wanting to go with us after all–needing to go. I don’t even have the mental ability now to even think about what I need to pack.
So what am I going to do? What have I been doing not to lose focus? How do I manage my stress?
–I go for long walks.
–Ride my bike.
–Lift heavy weights.
–Stick to my diet–nothing tastes good anyway.
–I console my throbbing brain with a good book.
–I take soak baths.
–I hug all those I love and hold them as close as I can.
Our loved ones are the treasures of life–gifts that are beyond price. Losing one of those gifts is extremely hard to process. When life is so hard one can hardly breathe–one must take care of one’s self or one will crash and burn.
I hope each of you out there are taking care of yourself. Loving yourself. Taking time to enjoy the beauty in your life no matter what your situation may be. Because today is a gift that should be cherished.