Ouch … I bit me, and body image struggles.

Me getting ready to lift. It is always hard to take pics with folks walkin around. 😀

After a day of working on the computer–on my bed still suited in my jammies no less–Mike came home we dressed and headed to the gym to lift before leaving town for Florida in work.  I may be heading to Louisiana.  One of my sweet aunts is very ill.  The mommy of the lovely lady who’s fabo porch I am always taking pictures of.  All, I want to do today is lay in the bed, but I have to pack for Florida and possibly Lousiana.  Need a walk or something outdoors to get my smile back on.

Resting between sets.

I like lifting heavy weights.  The machine above is the only way I can do weighted squatts right now.  I like pushing myself with the weights–I don’t remember the exact weight … let me think … It was 230 and we added 5 or 10 pounds to each side.  I can’t remember.  It was between 240 and 260 pounds squatting exercises–just on this machine and we were there an hour. So I got some good stuff done last night.  There were a few young men that kept coming around to watch my boobs squish out the top of my workout shirt when I moved to another station (sorry no pics)–kinda bugged me–but I can’t help it, and I supose neighter can they.  I guess.

Then, one of the same young men sat down next to me when I was working

Get the picture??? Ours faces the wall. He had to work to stare at me!!! 😮

on this machine.  He kept staring at me–my boobs and my crotch–he wanted my attention, but he kept looking in bad places.  He wanted to work in with me on these machines.  I’m just saying … YOU DO NOT come over and STARE at a woman or man while working on this machine to the right.  I got up and walked away.  Why didn’t I go nuts on him?  I think he is like my autistic son.  You can always tell.  They are polite but wrong at the same time.   Still, it messed with me!  I’ll laugh about it later I am sure.

Now, for The Second Part of my Title.

I had all this funny stuff to talk about, because working out is funny, and I had tummy issues.  Sorry, but these things are still funny to me. Then, I read something on the web that made me angry.  Pushed all my buttons.  So, I put my struggle out there on FB.  So … here I go, if you are a FB friend you can skip this part.  I started by asking a question–I would love to hear your thoughts as well.

How many of you BIG LOSERS out there struggle with disappointment over the body you see in the mirror?

I am 49 and things just don’t “SNAP” back in place as they once looked after years of being large. There have been struggles for me emotionally with my body naked after losing so much weight (at this point 80+/- pounds). I want to look good naked, but I do not think–outside surgery (probably not even then)–that the body image I am seeking will ever be possible.

I am not 20. I gained weight very rapidly, which has left my body scared and abused. I prefer the sagging, bagging, and not so beautiful naked body I have now, over the morbidly obese body I once had. I didn’t love me then, I struggled with the lighter me, and now that I have gained some back…
Well — I am flipin’ angry at my body. I have to work NOT to hate me. This is not a good place to be. As my husband said to me after one of my hate fits: “You were beautiful at 275, you were beautiful at 160, and you are beautiful NOW at 180. I have been a blessed man the whole way. Why can’t you see that. Be happy.”I’m working on what he said. I am choosing to be Happy with ME, NOW. I am learning to LOVE the body that I have NOW. Appreciate the body that I have NOW. It is hard.I want to look like the amazing women who are strong, smooth, and super fit. I love celebrating their beautiful strong bodies. I love seeing them strut their stuff. Busy Mom Gets FitBlogilatesThe Nut–there are so many more.

I will have a very hard time achieving their body beauty. So, I must learn to love the skin I am in. I must learn to celebrate the me; the me I am today. Not, waiting for the day I achieve my dream–parts of what I dream are not really possible. But I am going for them anyway, because what I find on the other side of pressing in is a healthy active life minus the fear of a premature death.

Me ‘n the Mikester. 😀

I hope each of you BIGGEST LOSERS out there can see yourselves as my husband thinks of me. I believe he is RIGHT. We have to choose to love ourselves, and believe in ourselves every step of the way. Getting healthy is all about the JOURNEY. There is no destination–save a healthy life lived fully.

Blessings ~~Shonnie


14 thoughts on “Ouch … I bit me, and body image struggles.

  1. Shonnie – I’ve been on vaca and am catching up on posts. I’ve never liked my naked body – fat or thin, but I don’t hide it – even now at 200 pounds, I walk naked. I do recall a conversation several years ago with a friend from high school as we were planning a reunion. Since I’d seen her, she’d had bypass surgery and had lost I don’t know how many pounds – but a huge amount. However, she confessed that naked her body was still ugly because of all the extra skin that was stretched. She said it would take more expensive surgery to repair and with 2 daughters college age that wasn’t going to happen.

    I guess it still goes back to this being a lifestyle change and it’s about being healthy and feeling better. I’m still phat, but it’s a good phat. I really do feel better and move better and will try hard to modify my eating to achieve some weight loss…..of course reading about my meds – every single one of them has weight gain as a side effect.

    *Sigh* In my dreams.

    • totally understand the whole medication weight gain. I had lost 107 pounds only to gain back 30 of them because of meds! So flippin angry.

      Workin’ on loving the body I am in. Workin’ on liking me now. 🙂

  2. Happens with time. Don’t expect it to snap back. Dick and I laughed about it. Not the bodies we had and I know you work very hard for the health benefits. Remind yourself of that!

    Sent from my iPhone

  3. I am 53 and have hated my all my flaws. There are plenty. But recently I decided that I have had a lifetime of hating my body and that’s enough. I’m not going to spend the rest of it feeling like this. So I’m trying to embrace the me that I am, and be joyful and grateful…after all, I am healthy and I’m doing things I never did when I was younger, and I surprise myself every day with what I am doing or attempting to do. Did you read my blog post “Love Letter to My Body”? I’m going to challenge you to write your own, to your body!!!! Sure, you can work that in your busy schedule somewhere!! 🙂 But seriously, I am challenging you to do that.

    • Yep, they sure are. I love how bright they are! hahaha! I will have to get some different ones for running–these are too tight for going down hills. 🙂

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