I am about to take another PLUNGE


I asked my FaceBook page buddies — the question — What do you see?

What do you see when you look in the mirror?

Do you see the flaws? The failures? The shortcomings?

I struggle right now with what I see.  I see the fat woman again.  I don’t like it.  The sad thing, is she is back.  She doesn’t want to go away.  It makes me want to quit and give up.  I know if I give up though, I will be more than sorry–when I quit I gain.  I must fight even if it is to be the not-so-fat-fat woman.

I am still very angry.  I’m still frustrated that I am here doing the same process all over again.  I was struggling with being here.  I felt like a fraud.  I felt like a failure.  I felt like a fake.  Then, I got a private message on Facebook that really helped me stand back up.  She wrote…

“I’ve been watching your posts recently and am feeling your pain. Especially with wanting to put your head under the bedclothes and shut the world out! I have been there too, many times.
I have been for many years (the last 8yrs by my reckoning) letting my weight creep up from 67kg to where I am today at 99kg. Just wanted to let you know, that YOU and your daily encouraging pics and HONEST posts about your daily trials, have been the inspiration behind me taking up my favorite clean eating program by Dr Sandra Cabot.http://www.liverdoctor.com. (I have followed this before and found it so easy and it works for me). When you mentioned that your weight/hormones etc were all over the place, i wondered if what i’m doing may be of help. http://www.liverdoctor.com/recipes. check it out for yourself, i have no ulterior motive except that it may be of help to you. (unless you already know about it). 😉;-).I decided that if Shonnie can have all these tribulations in her life and still keep trying, then I have no excuse!

Anyway, thinking of you and cheering you on from Australia. x”

Her post meant so much to me.  It gave me strength to keep pressing.  Her words made me realize I do have a place, just as she does,I have something to give … Something of value to say …

I had felt like such a failure.  Like I let down everyone including my the docs who helped me get here down.  I hate letting people down.  I hate being chubby.  I am about to take drastic actions.  There are three eating regimens that I can try, and there is always going back on shakes again.  YUCK.  That is going to be the last option.  Not because it is a bad option, but because I just don’t like how sweet they are.  I love what they did for my health–so I will go back to them if I have too.

I’m telling myself this is the truth. 🙂

I know that thought is correct.  I just do not “FEEL” like it is real right now.  I am working on believing it.  I do know that I am going to kick this weight loss situation in the butt one way or the other.  For the next 21 days I will post positive body image messages about myself.  I hope that by the end of my 21 days I will have changed the way I look at myself.  You can join me.  Look for the Body Positive Image posts and join me learning to LOVE yourself.

I really enjoyed the article I read about stopping body bashing here.

I posted with the Earlier photos of myself, “Today, take a little time and be thankful for YOU. Your wonderful and amazing body, no matter what state/stage you are in, because you are the ONLY YOU there will ever be.

Believe! Take a look in the mirror and this time — LOOK for all the positives. I bet you will be amazed at what you find.”

I managed to get a 40 mile ride in with my Mikey yesterday.  WOW.  So tiring, but so much fun too.  🙂

I’m working on myself to accept what I wrote ….Shonnie

 

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4 thoughts on “I am about to take another PLUNGE

  1. I hear you loud and clear. I got as high as 40 over my low. Yikes! I still haven’t been able to post that anywhere. I didn’t think I would ever get over 185 again yet I got all the way up to 205. 😦

    Amazing how fast it shot up after the hurricane.

    I’ve dropped about 15 of that but I haven’t been able to get any lower than that. I seem stuck around 190. The holidays aren’t going to make it easy. 😛

    We just need to keep plugging along. As long as we keep posting and keep working, we WILL get where we want to be.

    • Thanks Grumps! I ❤ you for stopping by and proppin' me up! 🙂 I am not going anywhere. I am trying to carve sanity in my life that is seriously topsy turvy. I feel like it is running me instead of me running my life. 😀

  2. As I said when I first came across you Blog, you have always looked pretty good looking to me so I didn’t realise why you were so worried about your weight. Ok I came in half way throught the story, but you know as well as me, how much I admire your ability to pick yourself up and start all over again.

    We all fail, all the time at something. God knows I do, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have another go. You embody that idea in my mind. I know its hard and I always wish I could do more to help and encourage you. Possibly, I could offer to cook you a meal one day. Looking at my cooking is a great way to lose weight. My thoughts are with you, even if my recipees are not ( luckily )

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