My Life

This post is an expansion of the my brief post on my FB page.  I felt that I should explain to you all, those who have followed me for the last two years–WHY I have been writing so little.  I know I have told you there has been depression, stress, and changes.  Most of my stress has been positive stress, but still it saps my mind and energy to write.  I am still fighting the good fight for health.

Yes, I have had numerous setbacks of the past two years since my journey into OptiFast.  But never further back than where I stopped with OptiFast–that journey stuck.  I have considered going back on the fast, but I just cannot do it.  I am going to work through my struggles until I find a diet/way of eating that will allow me to be healthy, strong, and active.  No more liquid diets.  Sorry … just not in my future.  So, I may wobble out here for a while–I don’t call that failure–it is just part of my journey.  I WILL find a way that is most comfortable for me to achieve my goals.   Stick around — you will see.  😀

Then, there has been the struggle with the part of me that longs to write the deep things within me.  I am nervous and timid about breaking off in a new direction of writing when I have been so slack with this blog–that is very dear to my heart. I wanted to complete my get healthy journey before embarking upon another, but alas, that was not to be so.  I can no longer wait for my weight loss journey to end before I begin the next phase of scribing my life saga for all to see.  What story do I have to share you ask?  Well, this one, and the tale of my life.  I suppose some might call it a recital of woes, but I see an account of victories over insurmountable odds.  Life is how you see it … at least that is my take on things.

That story has been bubbling in my belly for months now.  I know it was activated by the strong emotions over Collin graduating high school.  Those emotions overpowered me.  They swelled inside me.  All the pain.  All the struggle.  All the dissapointments and heartache.  All the hours of screaming.  All the hours of prayer.  The fear.  The doubt.  The loss.  All those terrible feelings that I have not allowed myself to feel came rushing in, swallowing me in a sea of heartbreak.  I could barely breathe.  I felt weighted.  I felt like a failure–I know I am not–these were just all the feelings I shoved aside in my mad drive to provide for my family a hope and a future.  For me … I had to think about the possibilities instead of the problems.

It was easy to forget me.  It was easy to forget my needs.  Thus, my health issues we horrific.  It was a major step to break free and start to care for myself.  It was major to be “selfish” and do what was best for me and let the others fend for themselves some of the time.  I have never been a self-sacrificing martyr type–to a greater or lessor extent–I have always done some things for me.  But to make the others uncomfortable to make me feel better was hard–especially when I had been ill so many times, and often times parts of their lives suffered just because I was their mother and wife, and I was ill.

For the past two days, I have been so caught up in chatting with other parents with Autistic children and a couple of autistic children.  It has filled my heart with such joy that some of my suffering can bring peace and hope to others going down a similar rocky path.  I feel the same way about weight loss/health. I want other women and men to have hope. Hope against hope that they can make a change in there lives even with huge odds against them.  So, I am going to be bold and write.  If you pray … pray for me.  😀

The short version of my background:

  • My oldest daughter struggled with a sequencing disorder. We worked until she was able to kick that in the butt. She is studying to be a nurse and is Ace’n it!  She is happily married and has my beautiful Princes Sophie.
  • My oldest son struggled with ADD and Tourettes, before running in front of a car to save the life of his younger brother experiencing a traumatic brain injury. He is growing up even if it did take until 30.  He is happily married with one son and a second on the way.  These are blessings I never thought I would see.
  • My youngest daughter has ADD, Dyslexia, and tourettes–all which went unnoticed because she was so sweet and her siblings were screaming problems. She is a fighter like her mom and won’t ever stop trying. She is about to take another go at college.
  • My youngest son was more autistic than the average autistic child. He screamed almost constantly. He drives, flies planes, writes music, and will do so much more than anyone ever thought possible.

Yes, I am a proud Mama!

In the middle of all this I got sick. Meds caused me to gain HUGE amounts of weight. I suffered adrenal fatigue–more weight gain. Thyroid failure–more weight gain. Hormonal issues–more weight gain. Then, I developed High Blood pressure, diabetes, fibromyalgia, three spinal injuries, a cracked knee, two blown shoulders, and arthritis.  YUM!

I won’t lie: there have been days when I wanted to curse God and die. BUT, it just isn’t in my nature to quit. I also believe God is on my side.  You might think I am crazy, and you are probably right, but I still believe.  I am a solutions kinda girl — show me the problem/enemy, and then lets attack it. Mind you, that comes after the emotional meltdown of me screaming and crying that life isn’t fair, and that I need a break.

Talking with the families on the autism page has softened some of the pain I was dredging through, and has made it possible for me to move toward the joy.  I couldn’t write when I was so negatively emotional, because that would have come through and would have been too heavy for families looking to have hope in their child’s future.  Now, that I feel I have moved from my dark place you should see me around more.  I will not ever give up on fighting for my health.  Those four kiddos, their kiddos, and my beloved hubby will always make me fight another day.  I want to live.

Always remember and never forget … I don’t care what comes your way … DO NOT QUIT! NEVER GIVE UP! Even if all you do is stumble forward … stumble or crawl … all movement towards your goals, even if feeble, is still a positive.

Blessings … Shonnie

17 thoughts on “My Life

  1. You are an amazing woman. I already knew that about you until I read this post. Now I Am saying it again AMAZING. YOur sharing of your life just showed to the rest of the world how capital are the letters in SHONNIE AMAZING WOMAN. You rock !

  2. Shonnie, I’m so proud to know you and Mike. You have so much to be proud and grateful for. As a mom, your crown glitters with four bright, shining diamonds. Mike loves you no matter how you look, you’re blessed beyond measure. But it’s you and me in the world of figuring out the balance of exercise and food and keeping the weight off. I’m not a fan of going back on the liquid either. That’s not real life. (Besides, can you just imagine me trying to explain that in culinary school? “I’m sorry, I can’t taste what I’m cooking…” Uh, right. 😉 ) And no matter what they told me, I can’t eat as many calories as the clinic said I can without gaining additional weight back. Meh. But keep your head up, you’ve worked your tail off to get where you’re at. You’ll get it done!

    • I feel the same about you!! It was a special treat getting to meet you. I miss you. I know that sounds goofy, but we chatted almost every day for a year. I just love you!!

  3. Shonnie I commend your attitude and I sure try to have your spirit. I envy you having grandchildren.
    My life the last few years has been a roller coaster. First chasing an illness that no one could find a reason for. All I knew is I could not walk as I used to. I now face back surgery with fear and hope. I have been told by several top docs and they all agree that I have no disc between several vertebrae and a fusion is necessary. Then watching Dick go down hill over 12 months, loosing energy and not being diagnosed with cancer. Finally he had a scan 3 weeks before death to find out it was terminal cancer. Then having to move because I could not keep up with the beautiful gardens and large home we were living in. I have moved, that is over and I think I made a wise choice. June 26th comes the back surgery. I miss you all and wish we could see one another other than a funeral. You are all such a loving family. I miss Dick something awful but it was a honor to lie beside him and hold his hand as he lay dying. The last think he said is I’m okay and reached out and took my hand. I know he is in a better pain free place. I keep going forward as I want to be the person that he saw and fell in love with. I am lonely and fearful through all my prayers. I truly thank God for all those who do not forget me in my time of pain and struggle. Nancy

    • This has been a hard year for all of us Nancy. Losing our beloved family members is just a hard hard thing to process–without health issues.

      You know my heart and prayers are with you. Miss Dad all the time. I can’t think about New England without thinking of Dad. I am sad always that we can’t go see him again.

      Keep pressing in. 😀 You have daughters who want you to be there with them and want you in their lives. You have good reasons to fight for life. 😀

  4. Lets be honest, I sometimes have to read of your difficulties with dark glasses because you have such challenges to overcome, even one of which would be more than enough for most of us. It is very easy to underestimate how impressive you are, and feeling that any despair or feelings or weakness make you appear unworthy. Nothing could be further from the truth. Your ability to have another go, plus the amazing understanding, love and support you get from Mike are truly inspirational to those of us who battle against lesser problems

    • Thank you for saying that Ducky. It helps that other see this as hard too. Helps me feel better about my wobbles. 😀

      I just don’t think I can stand seeing the dispair in writing. I know it would be so heavy that my family would hurt. Probably one day I am just going to go for it and trust that everyone will be ok with it all. I wish I could cry. 😀

  5. You haven’t quit! This is why you write on, Shonnie. Thank you for sharing your challenges and trials. We all have them but some think it shameful to share. I believe the opposite. We humanize ourselves when we share, others feel our lives are not big shiny perfect as many social media sites would have us believe. Leaving out the human side of things, I believe, is costing our society a lot. We are becoming so desensitized in the land of meme that we forget there are others in much worse plights or that status/money/class, etc does not automatically mean you are a good person. You, my dear, are a good person. Thank you for sharing this. And I hate any fad/trendy diet stuff, too, did some years ago. Here’s what really, really works for ME if I stick to it. Sharing in case it may help you but always check with your doctor because we are all so different, our metabolism is different, chemistry is different, losing weight is not a one size fits all program. That said, what works for me is: Protein 3X per day, Unlimited fruit and vegetables of any type including potatoes, easy on condiments or replace them ie: salsa on a baked potato is divine, salt and pepper, mmmmm, getting hungry now, lol. Desserts on weekends only with finishing allowed only if it’s a 10. Most of the time it is not a 10. LOL Fat free yogurt, cottage cheese, eggs, fish and chicken are my main proteins. I don’t drink, don’t smoke and really don’t get cravings much. But it only works if I stick to it faithfully and work out 3x per week to lose weight and walk a lot. To maintain it works great, too, lets my body adjust to each loss because I really don’t deprive myself and I don’t feel deprived when doing it, most anybody can go anywhere and eat these things. No fried food though, rarely eat fried. Almost always baked and I hate french fries, waste of time in my opinion. So that’s me, hope you feel better about things. You NON Quitter, you, lol.

    • Thanks Aurora. I appreciate you and all your kind words. They are super special to me. You are so right there are no one size fits all diets. I would LOVE to eat like you do. I can’t. That is part of my problem. Trying to figure out how many carbs I can eat. Which ones I can eat. Some really hurt me–like wheat. Some just make my stomach blow out–I look preggers–so that hurts too. Then, others just jack my blood sugars up. I am working on it. It will take a while, but I am gonna press in. 😀

      Again I ❤ you so much for taking the time to share with me from your heart.

      • I seldom eat wheat products and use stevia for sweetener even in baking, so it works well for me. I don’t to do well with too much carbs, they make me sluggish as heck, lol. Thanks for answering Shonnie! Always wishing you well and that you find what works best for you without too much havoc on your system. It’s tough, took me decades to find what works for me. Best of luck, girl, Much love xo

      • Thanks my friend. Thanks for sharing how long it took you. That makes me feel better. :D. Knowing I’m not the only one it take a while to figure it out. You are such a sweet blessing in my life!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s