Breaking the Silence


The water yesterday ... wavey, but still fun to swim in.  :D

The water yesterday … wavy, but still fun to swim in.   😀

Ok … so I made it back to the beach.  The picture from yesterday was how my super heated brain was imagining the water.  I had the delicious idea that I was going to dive under the water and cool myself off.  I was going to bask in the ocean’s cool embrace.  That kept me pushing forward –the dream of the waters cool touch.  I had no foreshadowing of doom.  That could have been due to the overheated brain.  It was a short ride.  Total round trip was only 15 miles, but the wind that kicked up just about had me standing still on my bike.  Well, it wasn’t that bad, but it was super bad for me and I was super HOT!  Not in the sexy kind of hot, but the hot-sweaty-feelin’- like I’m gonna die way.   A storm was rolling in.  I knew the wind was at my back when I was riding 3 minute miles (it was almost 2 min miles), and I was sore from new exercises and unable to push hard.  I thought from what I saw on the weather channel that the wind wouldn’t be too bad–just 12 mph (at the worst) was what they had predicted for the wind.  The storm blew in faster than they expected–OUCH!!!

My rest spot.  Drank my shake.  Drank some water.  Turned the shower on my hot head and day dreamed of LR lovely skinny Cocktails.  :D

My rest spot. Drank my shake. Drank some water. Turned the shower on my hot head and day dreamed of L.R.’s lovely skinny Cocktails. 😀

There have been so many things going on in my life that I have barely had time for gathering with friends.  SAD!  Especially those who make killer skinny girl drinks.  😀  Just sayin’.  Looks like my son and daughter-in-law may have found themselves a house … and they are about to give birth to their second baby boy and my third grand child … then theres been Graduation … college prep … oh I have bunny hopped off my focus for today.  Time to hop back to todays journey.

Me super Hot -- dreaming of swiming.  NOT yet understanding how bad the wind would be.

Me super Hot — dreaming of swiming. NOT yet understanding how bad the wind would be.   Yes … love wearing this shirt.  Thanks CC!!  😀

I really wanted to swim … but that was not to be today.  I ran down to the beach in my bike shorts.  Ready to jump into the waves.  The sand was soft and moving beneath my feet and the waves were knocking me down, add in that there was a strong rip current and it all equals SCARY. I had made a plan with Collin meet me at our usual swim spot, and he was waiting for me.  He kept calling me because it took me longer to get to the Crab Trap than I expected.  I don’t swim alone.  Waves like the ones today are the reason why–once with a group I was knocked down in sand like this with waves like this and almost drowned.  Thank God my Onnie saw me and helped me out.   Today we couldn’t get in very deep, and it wasn’t very cooling or fun.  The waves that were coming in before the storm were too strong for my overheated-weak-legged self!  😦  Fifteen minutes into my water play time one wave hit me so hard that it drove my leg into the sand and almost slammed me into the sand, and then the rip current pulled with my knee all twisted–since I have a bum knee and that was the one hit–I called it a day, while I could still bike back home.

When I arrived home, I was super tired and STARVING.  Shouldn’t have been.  I ate while on my short ride.  I had one shake at the wharf, then I stopped at Winne Dixie for bananas, water, and chips.  I don’t usually eat chips, but I was so hot I was worried that given my meds I might be dumping too much salt.  Normally, on such a short ride I don’t need lots of food.  The shake should have been enough, but it wasn’t.  I was feeling weak after pushing into the wind.  So I ate a banana and drank the coffee I had brought with me.  That normally is all I need — just that little boost, but not today.  I labored through to the swim site, and then ate the other banana, and had a few more chips.  Figured I would be fine when I got home until lunch … nope!  Not so …

… I ate about 600 more calories worth of food when I got home, before my tummy even began to stop being hungry.  I had a whopping 1,154 calories before 9:30 am today.  Hahaha … try that one  on for size.

I was so tired.  I just KNEW I would pass out.  But I didn't.  I just feel like a super slug.

I was so tired.  I just KNEW I would pass out. But I didn’t. I just felt and still feel like a super slug.

I guess one good thing is that I haven’t been hungry for lunch.  At least not yet.  Hahaha!  I am as tired as if I had ridden 50 miles … what is with that??  I don’t know.  I’m not worried about it.  It is a good kind of tired.  I have been swimming, walking and riding pretty hard for the past week.  Maybe life is catching up with me.  Totally not complaining about this part.  I love playing hard.  Do you?  Do you love the tired you feel after working out?  It has felt more like play to me, but do you like that kind of tired sore feeling?

I have been super unhappy with my body size of late.  Hate the way my clothes fit.  So, I just decided to change up everything.  Eat what I want, drink what I want, play hard, and then rest as much as possible.  (Note ***I still eat to manage my diabetes -I don’t go crazy–just not worrying.) I’ve been falling asleep super early every day and waking up at normal hours.  Do I think this will solve my problems.  I am not sure.  I know that when I was skinny and healthy I never worried about what I ate — just ate when I was hungry.  Which was often.  I ate more like most healthy men.  When I got sick, put on meds that jacked with my weight … I started starving myself.  So … I just thought I would say screw you to eating plans other than eating healthy good REAL food and playing to my hearts content.  Right now I am not working out.  I am playing.  It makes my heart happy.  Now, I love lifting too … that tends to make me feel strong and happy.  😀  But what I have been doing lately is just plain ole FUN!  In all Caps Fun.

Will this work for me?  I don’t know, but I am going to enjoy myself.  I will worry about another plan later.  I will worry about tweaking my food for weight loss later.  Since nothing I have done has worked and I have gained, not terribly, but gained nonetheless — I am just not going to worry about it for a bit.   Why?  I am tired of butting my head against the wall — so I am taking a controlled break from worrying about how much food I eat.  So far, I haven’t eaten more than I expended.  Maybe I can trust myself with this.

Tonight I am making chicken spaghetti and most likely I am going to make myself some oatmeal cookies!!

So … I’m hoping to be able to go to the beach for a swim later today.  Let cha know how it works out.

I will probably look just like that later on today when I take my chair out to the waters edge.  :D

I will probably look just like that later on today when I take my chair out to the waters edge. 😀

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