The Death Stare


Honestly I have no friggen clue how to un-anger yourself.

Honestly I have no friggen clue how to un-anger yourself.

Yesterday, was an angry morning wake up. I had had horrible trials the day before as well. I was super angry. I mean super angry.  No one wants to wake up to trauma at 6 am.  No one.  That’s what happened to me.  The kind of crap that takes you to the level of stroke.  That’s where I was yesterday morning, with chest pains, face pulling, and anger so bad that I could have torn the door off a car with one hand.  Just ask Mike … he experienced it … in fact he was a major cause of it.  Yes, even great husbands can be total jack wads.

Some women cry over everything; me, I want to break things. This is why I exercise hard, because it relieves all of this stress.  I do not like feeling angry.  It is just how I am wired.  In my mind, I am never a victim:  I get angry and attack back if I need too, at the problems that arise in my life.  I do not usually attack people … I am merciful there … but yesterday … yesterday was one of those days that it was NOT wise to mess with me.

One of my sweet buddies (I mean this sincerely–she is super sweet) asked me what was wrong. I explained that I had a really, really horrible morning. She sweetly told me, “You woke up today — You are alive.” I gave her the glare from hell and walked away saying, “I’m not ready to hear that.”  She had NO idea how close she came to being bitch slapped.  Not because she is a horrible person, but I was that upset.  I was jerking and vibrating inside.  I knew how sweet she was honestly trying to be … but sometimes it is way better not to try and tell someone how to feel.  Let them just blankin feel.  Otherwise, you might just find yourself the recipent of a violent reaction.

I find telling people how to feel offensive on a good day.  I didn’t ask her to listen to me … she noticed I felt bad and probed.  Don’t try to fix people who haven’t asked you to fix them.  If you want to show compassion … show compassion … DON’T TELL THEM HOW TO FEEL.  You have no F’ing right to do that … EVER!

I walked off to get my things for my reformer class.  I was vibrating all over!  I mean it was hard to walk–All OVER.  I was super proud of myself for NOT saying more, because I KNEW it would hurt this woman, and I actually LIKE her.  Yes, I know she hurt me, but two wrongs do not make a right.  Since I couldn’t handle it nicely, I did not do anything.  When I get to my class…OMW!  There is woman chewing gum … I HATE GUM CHEWING!  HATE IT.  On a good day, I want to slap people’s teeth out when they chew gum with their mouths open.  When they pop it, they are taking their lives in their own hands.  Just sayin’.  Makes me nuts.  SHE GOT ON THE MACHINE NEXT TO ME.  I was like … GOD help me before I harm someone.

I really like people.  I really do.  But yesterday morning was not going well for me.

Then, my other buddies started asking what was up with me because I wasn’t talking.  I have to be honest — I was at anger overload with the smacking gum lady right next to me.  I had a tourettes moment and started blabbing that it would probably not be a good idea as I am super angry.  I shared with them in my firm-stern-most-people-think-I’m-angry voice that one person already asked me, and made the mistake of telling me how to feel.  I grunted out if one more person told me how to feel today I would probably rip their heads off and stuff it up ther butts.  They of course laughed, and told me I better get that out quick.  So, I told them how crapy my two days had been, and I started crying (which means I am madder than hell, and you better get the blank out of the way)–all the while pushing on the friggin’ reformer machine hoping that I could work the anger out.  Their acceptance — without correction or advice was enough to take me down 5 notches — sine I was pushing 12 on a scale of 10, it was great to feel that good.

After the class, one class mate let me talk a bit more and shared somethings in her life that were similar and we hugged.  On our way out to our cars, we talked even more.  This was healing.  Helpful.  Just what I needed.  Then, this mad 70-ish lady came barreling by me in the parking lot and almost ran me down.  I decided that I was going to say something to her when she started walking VERY FAR from us out of guilt– BUT never even said I am sorry.  She had the nerve to tell me we shouldn’t be standing in the parking lot talking.  As if it was my fault.  I was jerking all over again.  I will spare you the lecture I gave her in the parking lot with all manner of people watching.  I guess she thought she could win by using “GOD” to shame me.  That is so VILE to speak out of your mouth, “I pray you have a blessed day.”  With a look of contempt on your face.  I know GOD is NOT on your side when you do that–just a warning in case you think that is cool to do.  Especially, when you mean: “I fucking hate your guts you bitch you–how dare you show me what an ass I am.”  Sorry for the bad words, but that is what she meant.  My friend was flabergasted — not at me, but the woman who almost ran us down.  She kept saying how she just didn’t understand how people can use God like that, especially when they mean something so vile.

Or … was she flabbergasted with me?  I don’t think so … she was about to say something, but I beat her to it.

Anyway … enough of the angry.  I decided to run to Academy Sports to get me some new weights for my paddle balling project (this is what I named the practice I do with my bosu ball).  To get the angry crap off my mind …

Thought I would show you the whole thing again ... better than angry pics right?  :D

Thought I would show you the whole thing again … better than angry pics right? 😀

On my way home with my fun stuff, my daughter called for her DMV rescue project.  No one figured we would be there for 3 1/2 plus hours.  I lost track.  Why did I lose track?  Because I was looney?  Maybe, but mostly because I had only had 150 calories of food for breakfast.  After a 750+ calorie workout, then  add in all the anger … this girl was doing good to function on any level.  The Blankin’ DMV was like an oven, and MAN was I hungry.  We got all my daughter’s stuff worked out and went to lunch.  I have no idea how many calories I consumed, and I do not care.  It felt good to fill the hump.  Even though the bread did hurt my tummy.

What am I doing today?  Just waking up slow.  Doing NOTHING.  Will probably go out for a bike about the hood later on, and I will eat all kinds of yummy foods.  Cuz I am good like that.  😀

Moral of this crazy story?  Don’t take your life in your own hands by telling someone how to feel when they are upset.  😀

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8 thoughts on “The Death Stare

  1. It is funny how it actually takes an emotional load off of you when someone acknowledges that what you are going through is really hard rather than tells you that what you feel is nothing and you should just “shake it off.”

    ps. That “jack wad” was your husband’s evil twin. I kicked his @$$ later that day for you. 😉

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