You read that right. I’m making baby food.
No, I don’t have a baby living with me, other than Mikey. Does that sound gross to you? It kind does to me, but that is my life for now. So, what’s my deal? I will tell you …
If I am not making fresh juice, smoothies, or other tasty treats from scratch … I am making soup … mostly blended. You know BABY FOOD — with a lot of flavor mind you, but baby food nonetheless. Much of what I eat looks like this …
Yes, I have spoken of it before, my concerns for malabsorption. When OptiFast worked so well for me it made Mikey and I wonder. I think we may be on to something. I have been quiet about all this because it takes a lot of work to make this happen–at least until you get a rhythm, so you are slightly worn out from all the work involved. Or I was. Also, who wants to tout a plan that will most likely end up like everything else that hasn’t worked fabulously wonderful for any length of time.
Then, there is the whole I-have-felt-like-CRAP for a long time now. Since March 2013, I just kept feeling tired. No matter what I did. I just kept sinking deeper into exhaustion. Everything I did, trying to better my situation only made life worse for me. And I’ve Wondered if I didn’t fall into this …
Since March, I had been gaining. Constantly. An average of 10 pounds a month. I was beginning to be scared that I wouldn’t be able to stop the gains. I was beginning to wonder if I would always be HUNGRY. I never seemed to be full. I was always tired and hungry and my clothes were getting too tight. Not to mention my Bikini — you got that right — I still wore/wear my bikini that I bought when I was slighter of form. Yes, I am slightly nuts.
I began to hate my reflection in the mirror. I never wanted to go anywhere or do anything. My clothes didn’t fit, and I didn’t want anyone to see that I was losing the battle. I did not want to go shopping–YUCK–and buy larger clothing! I knew folks were thinking I had lost control or gone off the wagon–some were dumb enough to express this. IF ONLY THAT HAD BEEN THE CASE!! Falling off the wagon would have been an easy fix–well–easy compared to having no friggin clue what the heck was going on. One would think it would be easier for one to deal with weight gain and exhaustion if you had done nothing wrong to cause the situation. This is not the case. Because No One ever believes that you haven’t DONE SOMETHING WRONG. Heck, you always doubt yourself, surely there is something you are doing wrong. “THEY” (super smart folks) share with you in love what you can do to fix your loss-of-control-problem. As if you have no clue what is going on in your body? They tell you it is simple math. They will also tell you that it is not possible to gain fat at the rate I gain weight, not if you are eating right and working out, but they are very wrong about that. These kind souls (only slightly sarcastic here) are mostly misguided, some ignorant well meaning souls, and others (thankfully a small number) arrogant asses who know much less than they think. Not everything is simple.
Still, I only barely glance at myself in the mirror and avoid them while out in public, because mirrors bring about mega mounds of self hatred. Then, going out? Why? I mean who wants to see the looks of sorrow in the eyes of those you know. I stopped going out. I stopped hanging with friends … I stopped writing my blog. I felt like a loser. I knew I was NOT, because I had never given up. I had NEVER stopped working out or eating right–Not the whole time I was gaining. I had I NEVER STOPPED doing what I thought was the best thing for my health. Nothing mattered. I was going up the scales. I’m working on the whole self love thing. Gonna practice liking ME. Believing in ME! Hoping against hope that I will win in the end if I do not give up. Or at the very least I will die trying.
Now, over the past few weeks/months I have been eating a real-food-liquid-ish-baby-food diet. For the first time, in so long that I cannot remember that far back, I get full and am not hungry for hours at a time. Unlike any diet–Optifast, Paleo, Atkins–I am satisfied. (Mind you my food would fall into the paleo/atkins/primal catagory even though it is blended) I have experienced No mood swings. Without needing enormous amounts of food. This is a plan I can live with … it think. Mostly fresh veggies go into my juices, smoothies, and soups–soups all have protein in the form of chicken, turkey, beef or pork. I do have at least one meal a day to chew. I eat fats, protein, and gobs of VEGGIES. I recently learned that some veggies are better eaten steamed than raw … especially if you have thyroid issues, and I DO!
I am starting to think clearer. I am starting to have energy. My pee is a lovely healthy light yellow, and I poo on a regular basis. I know that may be TMI, but these are all things that make a HUGE difference in my quality of life, and give me hope that I might just be on a right path. No, the scales are not tipping in the downward direction, but they are also NOT going up.
That may not seem like a great deal of progress, but for me to go two months with NO weight gain is a BIG FRIGGIN DEAL. Wanna know the other cool side effect of eating this way? You do … it is so cool!! I am flippin out!
Cool side effects:
- No weight gain in two months — you already knew this one, but I wanted to add it for effect.
- Even with treat days that include WINE and DESERT–As long as I have most of my foods in a baby food format I don’t have to eat perfect. And still I don’t gain. I have always had to eat perfect in the past to get any where at all–even standing still. So this gives me hope. Which means I can have WHAT ever I crave with little to no bad effects — sometimes the blood sugars run up. Those foods are avoided next time around, but I don’t feel deprived and that is a BIG DEAL!
- Blood sugar numbers are starting to stay low. My highs right now are running 120s. That is when I eat FRUIT. THIS IS HUGE. Usually that number would be in the 175 to 190 range with meds to bring it down. I am taking my one pill less and less with numbers in the 83 to 95 range. 😀
- I don’t have to do a lot of exercise to keep my numbers Blood Pressure or Blood Sugar down in healthy ranges. Just light walking or a gentle bike ride. This doesn’t mean I don’t play hard still, but it doesn’t take a butt kicker workout to keep things in check. Just mild activity. Which gives me more time to just be … and hang with family.
- Eating this way makes a way for me to go out with family and friends and order reasonably without trashing my whole plan. I still get full with my blended meals during the day and hang with family when we go out. I get to have a life — Which is a SUPER BIG DEAL.
As you can see I have hope for the first time in a LONG time that I might be on to something that will at least get my body balanced out. Return my body to a more healthy energetic being that will allow me to adjust my weight in time. May take a while longer than I would like, but for now, I am happy with a stand still. Happy to start feeling better. Happy to have some freedom to move without fear. These are BIG DEALS TO ME.
Drinking your food or soups may not sound fun to you, but if it made you feel better and FULL; I bet you would give it a whirl too. Right now, I have a crockpot full of chicken cookin’ to make me some bone broth. Broth I will drink or use to make a chicken soup with. Who knows. I will probably drink a bunch and add it to my other soups just to get the body feeling better quicker.
Blessings … Hope to chat with you more than I have over the past few months. I think I can mentally handle where I am now. So, we shall see. I was too angry … I know that is my name, because it is the truth, but I really don’t like folks to see that anger in the raw state — it seems to scare folks pretty bad. You will just have to take my word for it. 🙂