Black Monday



I’m having a bleak black Monday morning.

Yep, I know I have been a font of encouragement of late.  Things have been stacking up to a complete and all out QUIT on my part.  I am sick of pressing in to blow up.  I don’t want to go to a new doctor at UAB and a new nutritionist.  I hated going the first time.  I don’t want to get on a scale.  I HATE scales.  I just want to eat well and live.  You know all the memes  “Eat Clean” and the weight will take care of itself.  I want to scream swear words at those wonderful people.  If they ever made the mistake of saying such at thing to me on a day like today, they would find their head in next week.  Just sayin’.  I’m not a shame motivated kinda person.  I am a results kinda person.  The pressure in this body is building to nuclear proportions.  The last week or so hasn’t helped me much.

This morning my pants didn’t slide on as easy as the last time I wore them.  Yesterday, I waxed chunks out of my face that when I rubbed them in my sleep woke me up at 2:30 AM.  YUM! (for those of you on FB, I realized this once the coffee started to take affect or is effect?… Oh …bite me I’m too tired to care.)  When I was sick on Friday, I dropped my iPhone–that I was about to turn in for a $150 trade for a new one–in the bath tub.  It works, but won’t turn off so … boo hiss for me … I have to pay full price.

Hunks Chunks and boo boo's on the eyes and chin.  Gotta love it.

Hunks Chunks and boo boo’s on the eyes and chin. Gotta love it.

I got sidetracked because of my clothes not fitting and having to change that I forgot to apply my makeup so that I would be able to go shopping — something I HATE doing because I can’t stand being FAT!  I actually hate doing everything right now.  I hate being chunky.  I really hate it.  Really, Really, Really hate it.  I thought I would underline that for you in case you missed how much I dislike life at this moment.

I have a reason to live.  I have a reason to fight.  I have a reason to push in and go again, but today I just want to have a blankin’ pity party for myself …. Even though I hate pity … it just feels right.

So there you have it.

And NO, for all you folks who think you have the answers — you Don’t.  What makes you think you know more than the docs??  What makes you think you are right about me??  What makes you think you know that I MUST be doing something really wrong for this to happen?  You don’t live with me … just say it to one of my family and you will see what happens.  They will be all over you.  They watch how hard I work to have a balanced diet.  They see how much work I put into activity and eating well.  I just have to be super insane to lose any weight and I am so NOT in the mood for insane.  I can do insane, but I am F’n sick of insane.  It only takes a few hormone bumps and look out fat city here we come.  I want to just find a place to live.

Stay tuned …. Happy fat girl coming again … sometime soon.  Just not today.

11 thoughts on “Black Monday

  1. I wish the Paleo worked for you like it does for me. Honestly, what you are dealing with is such a huge pain in the @$$ since we can’t figure it out. I know you will get your weight back where you want it to be and then be able to find your balance point. After all, you are much more balanced than your clumsy husband. 😉

  2. Hoping the “Happy fat girl” returns real soon! I am not sure what type of a “diet” you are on — many diets that work for one person won’t work for another. Personally, the Paleo diet is the best thing that has ever happened to my health (and the results of my blood work confirm it). I hope you will find what works for you real soon!

    • Paleo is my preferred way to eat, however, I still gain on it. I don’t over eat, but I may have been UNDER eating for my OVER TRAINING Habit. Which has been a problem for me from before–hard habit to break. 😀

      I am about to start an elimination diet to see if I have other junk messing with me food wise. I am so NOT in the mood to deal with it after working so hard to get the weight off, and then having my body get janked around by meds and lack of hormones. I know I will figure it out or die trying … I just feel like throwing a FIT. 😀

  3. I don’t have any answers but I do love you even when you’re hissing, and , believe me, no one does it better or more eloquently than you. I do just pray, that the pendulum swings back the other way soon, and things get a little easier. You are too nice to have all this crap to deal with, sorry about the word, but that’s how I feel

    • Oh, Ducky, My friend. I know your name is Peter, but can’t help calling you Ducky. You made me smile and giggle on this dark day, that here in Sunny Florida is weeping constantly, as if to go with my mood. 😀 Thanks for the smile.

  4. Shonnie, oh how I feel your pain!!!!! I have gained 15 pounds since June!!!!! It totally disgust me, but what have I done about it????? NOTHING!!!!!! Nothing but hate it!!!!! Doctor said I am in full blown menopause & I am miserable most day & night sweating!!!!! I do try, TRY to eat healthy but just doesn’t work for my metabolism, body, etc!!!!!!! Not too mention, the blood clot in my leg keeps me from being active due to PAIN, which is very real!!!! I hate when people tell me, just eat healthy, just cut back calories…..BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!!!!! So, at this hard time of the year to eat healthy, when everyone wants to eat delicious food, I feel your pain & I am hanging with you sister!!!!!! I hope your day gets better!!!!! Love you!!!!!!

    • Thank you Cammie for understanding. I am so sorry to hear about your leg though. THAT REALLY STINKS! Caps intended. We will make it through … today just sucks the big one. Hope the docs can do something about that leg of yours girl. Keep me posted on how your leg.

  5. Shonnie, how I feel for you. I had the back surgery which was supposed to work. For 5% of the people and I am thinking I am one of them, just brings more pain. I slept in today as it was rainy and the back really hurts when I try to move around. I fear for where my weight is going. Can’t walk much, can’t exercise, more pain than I had before. YUCK! I am glad Dick is not hear to see it. I wish us both better health.

    • Thanks, for understanding. I hope you get some relief from the back pain. I have heard that is really horrible when it is bad. So my heart and prayers go out to you for health and healing. I’m glad Dad does not have to suffer, but I am sure he would be glad to be here with you through yours. Hugs.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s