That’s me, Free of SHAME. That is my goal for 2014.
I will warn you that this post is going to be a bit of the Angry Fat Woman. I am starting to show more of her … why? Because everyone says she isn’t there. The volume of jolly that I walk in is tempered by the volume of my anger. I think … if I just go ahead and let this anger out … it just might change my internal heat level and shift my spirit into the jolly mode on a more constant basis. My happy self is me … I guard folks from the angry woman … Oh … well … gonna give it a go and see where it takes me.
Am I the only person with Shame issues? I would dare say that I am not. I know I did everything I could do, why do I still feel ashamed? That is a really good question … one I bet most of us ask ourselves. I will tell you my answer. Because almost NO one believes that you or I really HAVE done all we can do. Just check out the all the motivational meme’s that tell you if you really wanted it … a fit body would be yours. If you do not have a fit body, then the strongly implied understanding is you are a lazy bum who cheated … almost everyone believes this as the truth. Hell, I struggle with believing that lie, even though I KNOW what I have done. People always think you did something wrong or you didn’t do enough. What am I ashamed of? Allow me to list my shames for you:
- That after working so hard to get my weight under control–I regained weight. I did Not gain all of my weight back, but so much that it stressed me out.
- My approach to weight loss was the WRONG one … so I am getting what I deserve for being so stupid as to try whatever means I could to take charge of MY OWN BODY. I should have lost weight Their Way and this would have never happened to me.
- That sometimes it is about the weight … I will post more on this in another post.
- That I have to go on an elimination diet to clear up problems … more on this later as well.
I’ve been pissed off and unable to write, because I felt that maybe they were right. I have spent a lot of time disappointed in myself and with my choices. Never mind that I lost 107 pounds and only gained back 45 … still I felt like a loser. The weight gain made me feel stupid. It does not matter the facts that proceeded the weight gain, but only that I gained. It does not matter that I was sick, or that my meds malfunctioned TWICE. Still, I feel responsible, even though I did everything I should do in order to maintain weight, and still my goals were thwarted. My healthy goals–weight in my case = health. If I hadn’t done OptiFast (a liquid diet) I wouldn’t have gained my weight back. Maybe, the reason I am gaining weight is because I have used HCG … who knows? Maybe, its because I eat lower-ish carbs/paleo/primal and don’t eat all the bread and cakes like everyone else does … doesn’t matter that if I ate the way these folks suggest I would fall over in pain. Who died and made these people the DIET POLICE?
You don’t want to hear my copulating attitude toward the copulating Diet Police. They can go and copulate themselves in an upward direction, and the horse they rode in on. And have a great day while they are at it.. 🙂
My body will NOT respond to all the diet plans out there that do not require calorie restrictions, sometimes extreme ones. I do not know why, but it will not. These people who say just eat real food and the weight will take care of itself … yeah and it won’t do a damn thing but sit there like a rock. And NO … my clothes don’t get looser. I am so happy if that works for you. I mean that. BUT it does not work for me, and about 15% to 20% of the population. We require more. My body has been seriously damaged by a bug I picked up in Mexico … YOU have no frackin’ clue what would work with my body. What makes you think that you know what’s best for me, when doctors have been puzzled?
I am not a child, and neither are most of you all, so anyone who speaks to me as if I am stupid … well … I just understand that they are ignorant, and that they have not experienced very much, or they wouldn’t be so quick to speak foolishness. Some spout loads of science data–that works for 80% of the population. Not all of us fit into that box. These people and their limited knowledge of the human experience has given them arrogance that should be placed in the proper file … that would be file 13. Or you could use it to wipe your butt with … now that’s and idea. Just visualize with me … every time a KNOW it all tells you what to think … Imagine yourself using their words to wipe your ass. That will put a smile on your face. I know it would MINE. 🙂
Hell … did you know that it is uncool to make a NEW YEARS RESOLUTION? It is … just take a stroll down the Health and Wellness pages … half will be getting ready for their New Year’s Resolution and the others will be shaming folks for having them. I am a GOAL oriented person … to me that is a GOOD THING. I have a small business that every year we look over our past … acknowledge our shortcomings and how we are going to overcome them. Then, rejoice in our successes, and plan/set our new goals for the following year. That is ALL a New Years Resolution is to me … next years GOAL. I understand if goal setting isn’t your thing … don’t set a goal, but for the rest of us that fly with goals … leave us the HELL alone. Again when confronted with the word police: Just think, “Excuse me while I wipe my ass with that.” 🙂
What makes people think it is OK to shame others for their words or thoughts? I am sick and tired of the Word Police and the Diet Police. These people tell us what is OK for us to think and feel. How we are stupid if we want to use the word DIET or New Years resolution. Why go from shaming of size, shape, weight to shaming people for the words they use? Why not listen to the person–BEFORE correcting that persons speech? I guess that would take too much time.
Why … oh why do humans make a religion out of everything? I would just love it if we could support one another. Plain and simple–We do not have to agree on every point. This can apply to almost any part of our lives–as much as it is possible might we live at peace with one another? Allow each other room to breathe? I don’t know if that is really as possible as I would like it to be. Even in this post I have been the very thing I dislike. I suppose we have to take stands here and there and ruffle the feathers of our brethren.
With that … I would like to wish you Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year filled with blessings beyond your wildest dreams.
**DISCLAIMER –– there are several pages that I follow who are against New Years Resolutions and particular diets. Those pages are MORE against the shaming fitness and diet industry who try to make mega millions off of the misery that the industry promotes against women–by telling us all we are NOT ENOUGH. Go Kaleo and This is not a diet — It’s your life. (I am sure there are more pages like this–judge for yourself if they are healthy for you) are women who rage against the diet industry machine that degrades women–I support these pages heartily. These women are taking stands: Against making women feel less. Against women feeling as though they are less if they do not fit a particular mold. They are taking a stand against body hatred and self hatred. I feel the good these women do with their blogs and pages over-rides any anti-diet or anti-new years resolutions stands they may take. I do not believe they are seeking to make you feel ashamed, rather they seek to empower women.