Whiny Wednesday

What do you think this woman eats?

What do you think this woman eats?

If you saw this woman eating at a restaurant, would you judge her on the food choices she made?  Or would you think she is just out with family enjoying a splurge if she was eating something that was not exactly “LIGHT”?  That woman was me when I worked my butt off trying to lose.  I weighed 256 pounds–I had lost from 275.  I worked out with a trainer, and ate lean and clean 95% of the time, if you doubt me … just ask my family.  I would NEVER go out to eat by myself at this size, because people felt free to comment about my size … I wasn’t really human–I was fat … so it was OK.

People make assumptions about people who are overweight that are not always correct.  Many times they are correct, but even so … why treat that person in a manner you would NEVER want to be treated?  What makes people think they know the answer to why other people are overweight?  I just do not understand the need to bring someone who is already suffering down.  Can you explain this?  It boggles my mind.  I just do not understand the need to make another person feel bad about themselves.  I don’t get it.

Why am I bringing up the past, when I clearly do not weigh this much?  I’m kinda pissed that my body doesn’t work like it should.  I’m not angry pissed, but sort of winded, slightly saddened.  I read a post this morning about another person who is trying the same exact product that I am, who dropped 4 pounds on her first day–it kinda gut punched me.  I have been working with this product for three weeks, and I lost 5 pounds and found two back.  I am sincerely happy for this woman who lost weight so fast.  I know there will be a leveling out for her, because this isn’t a lose-weight-super-fast type of product, but IF she has eaten terribly before using this product–it will shift her world fast.  I am so jealous.  Happy for her, but so jealous because nothing but OptiFast did that for me.  NOTHING!  I cannot bring myself to go back to completely liquid food right now.  I am so F-ing sick of being on a diet.  I just wanna live.

My daughter came down to visit with me at the beach … she needed a break, and we were talking about the product that I am using and about a friend of her’s that might really benefit from trying it.  She said to me, “Mom, she eats crap.  She’s the first to admit it.  She would probably do amazing, because when these folks make tiny little changes big things happen for them.  I know when I eat like you, I lose weight every time.”  I almost choked on those words.  My daughter supports me and was not intending to cause me pain.  I am glad that my family knows the truth and supports me, but I wish with all my heart that the words were not true.  I wish I ate like crap and could change it–then, my problems would be solved.

I wish my abs were made in the kitchen.  I wish my ass would drop size because I stopped drinking sodas–I don’t drink sodas not even diet.  Only club soda plain if I must have bubbly water.  I wish that just because I stopped having a glass of wine with meals that my dress size would go down, but it doesn’t.  I can lose.  It just has to be so flippin’ extreme that I hate my life.

Still … I press onward.  I will continue to try this product even though I don’t lose like everyone else, because it has caused my blood sugar crashes to stop … so it is worth the press.  I am hoping in time that the supplemental product will equate to weight loss that allows my healthy diet and exercise to be the force for change in my life that it should be.  I know the science behind blood sugar elevation and weight gain … so if I can keep mine steady, eat good food, and remain active over time this should pay off for me in spades.  Maybe even return my body to the powerhouse it once was.  My mom and dad are still very fit–so I have hope.

I realize I am being very cryptic about what I am doing … if you wanna know more just shoot me an email or message me on FB and I will give you the info. I am just not trying to push anything on my blog at this time.  Maybe later, if it works wonders for me, but at this moment I am just working on myself.  I am trying to find a path that will lead me to a place of stability and calm.   When I find that path, you can be assured that I will share the details with everyone.

Next time you see an obese person eating … no matter what they are eating … stop before you shame them in your mind.  YOU have NO idea why they are where they are.  You have no clue what is going on in their life.  Maybe they are allowing themselves a splurge day so that life is still worth living.  Maybe they are having a bad day and lost control … if they did … SO FRIGGIN’ WHAT!  Let them be.  Smile at them.  Treat them like they are human and worthy of respect, because they are.  Who knows, your kindness may give wind to their wings and help them sore to the next level.  Don’t be quick to give advice on what they should or should not eat … PROMISE YOU they don’t want to hear it–unless they have asked.

Until next time … treat each other with kindness.  Lets shoot for shameless living–a life free of shame. I promise you it won’t hurt you one tiny little bit.


14 thoughts on “Whiny Wednesday

  1. Hey Shonnie! I am glad your blood sugar is doing well. It is so hard to eat in a way you Know is healthy, and see no results. So at least you are seeing some benefits, right? For me, I am realizing that I have to exercise to see any results.

    • You are so right about eating well and no results. Exercise has a tendency to cause me to gain. Sadly, fat and muscle, my body is so jacked up. Still working!!!

  2. I know I’ve been MIA (something about having 45 minutes of free time a day or some nonsense like that), but I want you to listen to me very closely:

    You are absolutely beautiful. Just the way you are. Why? Because God made you exactly the way you are. He doesn’t care one whit about your dress size. Not. One. Whit. He gave us both wonky genes where our body size is concerned. Why? Got me. I wish I had a magic answer, but I don’t. What I do know is that you’re beautiful inside and out. You have a radiant smile that lights up your entire face and person. It’s contagious. You have a wicked funny sense of humor. You absolutely adore your family and friends. Your loved ones are most definitely loved.

    Now, all of that doesn’t mean you and I don’t desire to be more slender versions of ourselves, does it? Nor does it excuse imbecilic behavior from cruel people who wrongly assume the hows and whys of a person’s shape without knowing the person. How we look is like wrapping paper on a Christmas or birthday gift… The dressing on the box has absolutely no bearing on its contents. It represents nothing except pretty window dressing and doodads.

    If you ask me, I’d rather be an outrageously spectacular package with less than perfect wrapping paper than a picture perfect package that’s empty. And you’re a pretty spectacular contents if you ask me… I think you got the better end of the deal.

    Hugs and love,

  3. I’ve been weighing myself regularly since I was nineteen, which was something over a fortnight ago, and my capacity to gain weight by just looking at a cake shop has always been slightly disheartening. I try to stay reasonably thin, but I know it is not easy, and much harder for some than others. So it is that I am careful not to judge a life or a figure until I know more of the story behind it: you can end up demeaning yourself through ignorance more than the you do the person you remark on

  4. You are so right. People are overly quick to judge what other people eat. As a vegan, I don’t want other people teasing me or giving me grief about protein or lecturing me, so my rule is: I won’t tell you what you should eat if you don’t tell me what I should eat. Everyone has a story and the food on your plate is only one part of it. Humans are complex creatures and we can’t say that this person is a certain way because of this one thing.

    Hang in there, Shonnie. I know you will. 🙂

  5. I am so glad that the “new product” is helping level out those blood sugar swings. I am familiar with your new journey and I have witnessed the help with many diabetics. My thought is “Why not?” Give it a shot! What I know about you is that you don’t try something new without doing your homework. I trust your judgement.
    You happen to be one of my heros……I am cheering you on in your commitment to your health and to helping others. You are beautiful at any weight….just want you healthy! Love you!

  6. It is so common (and easy) to judge based on externals, and so often inaccurate. You hit the nail on the head. And I must agree that just because someone is overweight, they are not asking for everyone else’s two cents on what they should do to make their situation better.

  7. The brains most primitive basic function is to make a distinction on a visceral level. I have noticed in my past that my body actually has a reaction when I see a very large person. This has always been strange to me. Regardless of “how” the person became bigger is not what my body reacts to but rather just the fact that they are much larger than me. It makes me really take notice on an different level. I have to admit though when I see a much larger person dancing it really makes me more happy. I have seen such powerful joy and beauty coming from large folks dancing before that it really rings to my spirit. Sure there are judgements going in minds that are unspoken and that is definitely something that we are all guilty of in various degrees of our lives. Their are so many variables involved in everyone’s life that it really ridiculous to think we can make a snap judgement and “figure it out”. The most important thing to me is to see the beauty and power of individuals as much as possible and for some reason the symbolism of a larger body to me is POWER. Not just from a physical standpoint but also as an analogy of something much much more that we all have and that is a HUGE spiritual power that uniquely expresses itself though each person. You are obviously a beautiful person inside and out anyone that says otherwise is Ridiculous!

    • WOW! I loved this comment. I like hearing about the way other folks think. You know … there was a time when this ability to be large was a powerful important thing. Before … when food wasn’t as easy to acquire as it is today … being able to store fat was important for survival.

      Thank you so much for saying the kind thing you have. I know you are right, but it is hard when you are very large not to take those horrible things people say into your heart sometimes. I always overcame their meanness, but it still stung terribly. The words still hurt sometimes to think on them. We, as people, are way more valuable than our outward appearance … not to say it isn’t a good thing to work on that, because I believe it is. 😀

      Thanks again for stopping by!

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