Good Morning … or is it?


I’m trying to live this quote right now. I feel like the past year has been one mistake after another. I have failed so much that it is almost overwhelming. I am so far back up in weight I cannot even pretend to be happy about my life.

The weight gain wasn’t for lack of trying. Or that I quit and started eating everything off the shelf, but I am not sure exactly what pushed weight gain out of my control. All I can do is keep trying to work my way back to a healthy place. I am ashamed to go out in public. Ashamed to go workout. Ashamed all the time. Doesn’t matter that I have worked my butt off and that I still had setbacks that just trashed my efforts.

I guess I could quit, but that would mean I would end up ill and larger than I am at this moment. So quitting really isn’t an option–even if I could. There is always going back on liquid diets and being completely miserable–and if I try everything and can’t get this crap off I guess I will head back to UAB and OPTIFAST to get this mess off. The expense of the whole thing is seriously slowing down my trip back to the hospital as well. GROAN!

I’m probably going to visit a personal nutritionist to get myself to start losing with eating and activity, before I consider going back on a liquid diet.

That’s where I have been for the past few months. Wallowing in self-pitty over my constant failure.

God is still good and I am a winner even though I haven’t looked like it on the outside lately. I win because I never quit–at least that is what I tell myself.


12 thoughts on “Good Morning … or is it?

  1. Hang in there….you’ll get back on track. We all have our set backs…we all fall off the wagon…as long as we’re alive, we can get back on that wagon and take the journey all over again. It’s worth it! You’re worth the journey!

  2. Don’t you dare give up, Shonnie! I don’t doubt that this will be a lifelong battle for you and I. But it’s a battle worth fighting. And winning. So don’t you dare give up! No matter your shape or size you’re beautiful.

    And remind yourself that you love being outdoors with Mike. Find the activities you can latch onto and do them.

    Spread your glorious wings and fly!


  4. You do win because you never quite, and because of the remarkable and loving family that you and Mike have built round yourselves. You have your struggles, most certainly, but in those things which truly count, you are both a success and a treasure.

  5. Know the feeling but you will keep trying, health depends on it. I have lost 12 lbs since Jan…so very hard….Weight Watchers…really working the program has had the best results for me. I should have lost 3 times as much …..once had a gym trainer who was a physical therapist…quote ” you can do 1 hour in the gym 3 times a day” and ruin it all my what you put in your mouth. 😦

  6. Check out the various plans. I’m right where you’re at. Miserable. Seriously thinking of doling out cash again (sigh), but weighing my options to see if I can avoid it and do this vicariously. After all, we may be in this together but the bottom line is we have to do it alone.

  7. We woman are so hard on ourselves. Somehow in this crazy life we’ve wrapped up all that we are with what we look like and feel like. Who we are remains the same, but something we forget is that what we feel like and what we look like is ever changing. I completely understand being frustrated by weight and outside appearance, it’s tough and I am struggling with that right now as well. Lyme Disease & menopause has caused me to gain weight and be uncomfortable. Then all of that ugly self talk woman are so great at giving ourselves can make the inside feel awful too! We all seek the “whole package”, but really, the outside wrapping changes no matter what and that shouldn’t change the gift on the inside. Hope your day improves! Love yourself for what you have accomplished over this last year! ~ April 🙂

  8. Hang in there! I was well over 250 pounds until I was almost 30 and felt like I had tried everything and was a huge failure. I resigned myself to never being able to change it until one day a light went off. I started going to the gym and putting on my headphones and using treadmills that faced the wall (because I didn’t want to see people seeing this big fat woman struggling). At first it was only 5 minutes at a time – then 10 – then 20 and I found I had to find things to literally distract me like music and audiobooks. I finally lost almost half my body weight. Then, over years, I watched it creep back up. I kept trying and nothing helped and all I did was find myself more and more frustrated! Once the scale hit 200+ again I decided I could not let it beat me! I’ve dropped 50 pounds but am finding the last 20-25 a real struggle and have been stuck for over a year. I guess my point in all of this is that I know how you are feeling and the struggle and the frustration and not even understanding what has happened. I think when people talk about weight loss as being a moment in time they have no idea that it is actually a lifelong struggle for many. Big hugs — I’ll be thinking good thoughts for you!!!!!! You CAN do it!

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