I’m trying to live this quote right now. I feel like the past year has been one mistake after another. I have failed so much that it is almost overwhelming. I am so far back up in weight I cannot even pretend to be happy about my life.
The weight gain wasn’t for lack of trying. Or that I quit and started eating everything off the shelf, but I am not sure exactly what pushed weight gain out of my control. All I can do is keep trying to work my way back to a healthy place. I am ashamed to go out in public. Ashamed to go workout. Ashamed all the time. Doesn’t matter that I have worked my butt off and that I still had setbacks that just trashed my efforts.
I guess I could quit, but that would mean I would end up ill and larger than I am at this moment. So quitting really isn’t an option–even if I could. There is always going back on liquid diets and being completely miserable–and if I try everything and can’t get this crap off I guess I will head back to UAB and OPTIFAST to get this mess off. The expense of the whole thing is seriously slowing down my trip back to the hospital as well. GROAN!
I’m probably going to visit a personal nutritionist to get myself to start losing with eating and activity, before I consider going back on a liquid diet.
That’s where I have been for the past few months. Wallowing in self-pitty over my constant failure.
God is still good and I am a winner even though I haven’t looked like it on the outside lately. I win because I never quit–at least that is what I tell myself.