How do you calm an angry fat woman?
Now, that is a really great question! I am so glad you asked. ***(insert snarky smiles after each statement)
This post is about what not to tell any woman on how to feel about her body or anything else for that matter.
I can really only speak for myself, but I know most women do not like to be told to calm down. I am guessing men don’t care for it either, but I am pretty sure you will illicit a smack from most women, or at the very least the dreaded “LOOK.” If you tell me to calm down if I am upset about anything–especially–being fat, that my clothes don’t fit, that I hate the way I look in pictures … or pretty much anything regarding how I feel about my body … WATCH OUT. That is all I am saying.
I often, out of kindness toward others, hold my tongue. I fear my kindness isn’t felt by most offending parties, because normally my looks are dealing death daggers. I promise YOU that I have done you a kindness. If you have found yourself on the end of one of those death stares–I am sorry–but you should have exercised restraint in telling me how to FEEL. Just because I made the slip up and let you see behind my happy face–regarding my body-image issues– doesn’t give you the right to tell me HOW TO FEEL. I promise you I don’t tell you how to feel about a the things that upset you–even if they seem ridiculous to me. Promise.
I hold my tongue, when well meaning/and not so well meaning persons choose to tell me what I should think or feel about my current body image issues. I hold my tongue, because when I let it go–it has the tendency to shred with extreme prejudice the one standing in front of me. Just ask Mike. Just because I don’t tell you what I am thinking doesn’t mean I am not ready to rip your head off and stuff it up your backside–figuratively or literally. What do I do with that rage? I ride my bike, I go for a walk, I lift some weights and pray for those who offend … that is what I do with the anger. I make it work for ME. Work for my health goals … it is also very nice to stay on this side of a jail cell. Just sayin’.
If you find an angry or upset fat woman, dealing with issues regarding her body image, let her FEEL. It is OK for her to FEEL her feelings.
- Tell her to calm down.
- Shake it off and get back at it–not while she is crying or upset–let her blanking feel.
- Tell her that her feelings are ridiculous.
- Tell her she needs to view the positives–I promise you she does daily or she would not ever leave home in this over-critical-body-shaming world.
- Tell her that she needs to look in the mirror and blame herself for the situation that she is in–even if she is the blame–meltdown moments are not the time for that.
Just because we choose joy doesn’t mean we can’t get mad, sad, or angry. It is OK to be distressed once in a while … so let us have that moment so we do not end up living there from all your valued advice, of “Stuff Your Feelings Fat Girl, you did this to yourself you know?”
DO Refocus …
- Praise her accomplishments.
- Point out her strengths.
- Tell her you love her.
- Tell her you are there for her no matter what.
- Tell her she is beautiful–but only if you mean it–we know when you are faking.
During a down time … even if we don’t seem like it … these actions generally do help our feelings. Acknowledging our suffering instead of trying to stuff it neatly away helps the healing process move along faster. Or at least it does for me.
I need to ask a question:
Why does everyone feel the need to stop another human being from feeling?
We were created to feel. I don’t mean to extreme–where you go around living in the dumps. I don’t live that way, but let me have a sad moment and everyone is trying to fix me — shove away my feelings as though they need to be boxed up. Dad-gum-it, I get angry and that is completely OK. I don’t take it out on you–unless you try to make me feel bad for having feelings.
I don’t live there, but when I feel it, LET ME FEEL IT. Don’t fix me. I am not broken.
I am not broken, because I am upset that my lifestyle change didn’t work, but caused me to gain 15 pounds. I wasn’t slaking around eating chips, pizza, and bon bons (whatever they are??). I was busy walking, playing with my grand children, riding my bike, getting on my paddle board, doing pilates and squats. All while trying to find a sustainable eating plan that will allow for my activity level. One, that this time around, has not worked. And you are getting upset with me for being upset that I just waisted MONTHs on an experiment that failed. Never mind, that not ONE item in my closet fits me??? I don’t know about you, but I have busted my ass for my goals, and I kind get ticked off when they fail. I get super major ticked off with people who think I need to calm down about that. B.I.T.E M.Y. R.E.A.R!!
I am allowed to hate the image in the mirror I see. As long as I don’t HATE ME, and I DO NOT hate me. I can be disappointed with the results of my efforts. It does not mean I think I am a failure. Maybe everyone works as hard as I do to make their bodies healthy–I don’t know–I don’t have time to pay attention for working on my own life. However, it does seem that the ones who have the least struggles are the most obnoxious, and think that what works for them will work for everyone. B.I.T.E. M.Y. R.E.A.R.!!!!!!!!!!
***Newsflash HONEY*** You are Wrong regularly with your advice, and most often super unkind and terribly insensitive when you give it. Even when you say it sweetly with your condesending smile and upbeat cadance.
Well, now that I got that out … I think I better go choose some Joy or something to get happy again.
So … enough about me … tell me about you? How are you doing today??