What’s Offical? I’m Copulated. (An aside — every time I see the word Official spelled out I hear Ofoal in my head — why I don’t know) It’s official NO ONE KNOWS what the Hell is going on in my body.
I have the CURSE of THE FAT WOMAN who cannot eat any fun food.
I get to eat Jack Sprats food and look like his F-int wife. SUCKS! SUCKS! SUCKS! I want you all to know I think that completely SUCKS. I get to eat limited calories just so that I can be FAT. That pisses me the F off. I would howl at the moon if it would make me feel better. It does and doesn’t help. Cursing sort of helps. I don’t mind eating healthy, but Damnit! I want to look like I eat healthy!
I straight up asked the doctor when he went all over the place with what could be wrong with my body, “So, does this just mean I am doomed to be fat the rest of my life no matter what I do.” His answer was not comforting, it wasn’t terrible, but it did not offer much hope. Basically–he has no friggin’ clue why I can gain 40Lbs. in 3 months.
He is going to do MORE TESTS. I have to say that I am grateful for that. He even suggested that I might have to do what I can to lose weight and then find some limited form of eating just to keep it off. Which means I will be starting a Fat Fast after this weekend. No booze allowed–for this period–but it will get my body back to working the right way.
Can I say I am Copulating Tired of RESTRICTIONS?!?!?!?!?!
I am a big whining pile of piss today. Yeah, I wouldn’t tell me anything about how to lose weight today. I just wouldn’t. Fair warning–I want to beat the living day lights out of something and it could be you. Hey, wait, go ahead–you could bring about emotional healing for me! On second thought, bring it on! Hahaha .. She laughs maniacally to herself at the thought of release.
I tell myself, “Self, this is the only life you have. You must work at making it the best even if you lose the battle.”
MySelf spits at me.
I tell MySelf, “I know how you feel, but we have to pull it together and get back at it. There is a chance that this time they will find out what is wrong, but even if they don’t do you want to weigh this much?”
MySelf stomps her feet and shakes her head no, but cries, “I don’t want to go through this again.”
I hug MySelf saying, “I know” and we cry together at the utter futility of it all. But what else can we do? Give up? If we do that we will be as big as a house and life as we want to live it will be over. Even when I want to quit I cannot. There really is no option. I will have to probably eat like a flippin’ supermodel and look like a chubby grandma. The horror of it all.
I personally feel that I have had my share and a few others of issues for my life. I think it is time for me to get a break and for it to last longer than a year. But really, that is just Self-Pity rearing her ugly head and we cannot listen to her or we will drown. Still, I wish she was right though.
Until tomorrow when I feel more like myself.