Breathless in Birmingham

Looking for the silver lining……

There are events that shape your life.  

They can change you beyond anything that you could dare imagine, both good and bad.  I cannot go into the specific details of this particular trauma because it might hurt some if I did, but yesterday heartbreak came to visit.  One would think a woman who has survived raising an autistic son (who is doing well) and a brain injured son (who is so/so) that I would be skillfully prepared to deal with trauma and disappointment.  Maybe I am, but today I hurt.

Today … I am breathing.  I am moving.  I am talking. I am alive.  I have Mike by my side.  I have my children by my side.  I will find things to laugh about.  I am doing all these things, but it is extremely difficult.

But in the moments where things get quiet my heart pumps weakly laboring as if I am dying.  I look normal on the outside, maybe not as bright in the eye or as much pep in my step–I appear fine to the naked eye–but I am a walking ball of heartache.  Yesterday’s news sucked the wind from my sails and crippled my ablity to function normally.  The workout that was planned went out the window as I shlogged around in agony.  

It seems as though the air has been thinned, the floors are made of mud, and my arms heavy with weights. I am numb.  All I can do is pray and wait to find peace and look within myself for the direction I should move.  I will look around me and find my comforts, my joys, my hopes and I WILL find a way to press forward.  Sometimes in life one has to choose joy.  And you always have to choose it in the darkest hours.  

I think it would help if I could cry.  Maybe I can find some stupid show on TV that will make me cry for no reason.  

I’m going to try and continue working on my meal plan … even though food sounds disgusting … I will be fine.  I always am.  I do have many blessings to count and I will count them you can be sure.

Laters yall.

One thought on “Breathless in Birmingham

  1. Faith nourishes our hearts and souls
    With a power that won’t let go
    And the living word will inspire us
    With a strength, we never had known

    Belief in the word he allows us to eat
    Will lift us in many wonderful ways
    Because just when we are at our weakest
    A beautiful dose of his grace blesses our day

    We can do all things with the power he provides
    When believing his living word is true
    For he hears our prayers full of despair
    And a special hope will now shine through

    A day a moment we find we might fail
    And so hopeless we might feel that day
    But his answer will soon embrace our hearts
    Bringing lasting success to bless our days.
    I am feeling you my sister, but I am wrapping you
    in my prayers, that you will rise, and that success
    will be a blessing you soon will embrace…I believe
    in you, not only because you are my sister, but I
    love you as He does also! Happy New Year, and
    know our love never fades…you are a gem whom
    I will always love…use that power of His love and
    our love and succeed…do not feel sorry but be
    the overcomer you were blessed to be. Hugs!

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