I sit in my room. Solitary, but not lonely. Basking in the quiet, the fan barely making a sound whirling above my bed, I sit reading, thinking, and pondering. When I was young quiet disturbed me. I loved solitude, but there was always music in the background. Noise to make sure I did not feel alone. Now, I savor being alone … the quiet … the solitude.
That is not to say that I do not enjoy the fellowship of others, because I savor that just as much. I rejoice in those moments too. Sometimes, I need the quiet to recharge and have something of value to offer those I love. Quiet comes seldom these days. There are many new things going on with our lives and business, good things and bad things, but life is full and loud. I long for the quiet that I used to run from. How funny.
Is it age that brings the acceptance of solitude? Does age bring awareness of the intense value of time spent just sitting with no distractions or noises? I wasn’t very old, or at least it seems that 30 is quite young now, when solitude became my sacred friend instead of my mortal enemy. A time to ponder. A time to dream. A time to pray. To hope. To believe. It all comes from the still quiet moments.
Yes, this post is much different from the post yesterday. There is a quiet in me. A stillness. A sense of peace, if you will, deep inside me. Just as I allowed the anger to flow out of me a calm came flooding in behind the confessions … washing away my angry heart. Did this calm come because of the release of anger? Maybe. Or maybe the release of the shame of the anger and my not writing?? Maybe holding on to all that garbage coupled with my facing a few of my fears recently has cleansed my disquieted soul? I am not sure, but I am good with it either way. Maybe I will discover what has caused this delicious peace to flow through my heart and mind where I can walk here more often than not.
I wouldn’t hold out for me to become soft speaking guru/shrink lady though …. that’s truly only a fleeting spark of fire here and there … think fireflies. Because the bouncy, angry, happy, Fat Woman is ever with me. But for today, I am going to sit here and enjoy this quiet peace.
Peace and Blessings,