I keep thinking I am going to write something snarky and cheeky, but my tired brain won’t go there. I mean it will, but only sort of. Life keeps happening all around me and shocking the snark out of me. Mike did that to me this AM–thought he was not ok and part of a wreck–thankfully he is fine. Don’t worry–I keep calling him just to fuss at him for scaring me–grateful I can.
Yesterday, after days of not sleeping, I managed to fall asleep Tuesday night around 9-ish and woke up at the early hour of 10:15 am Wednesday morning! Yay me! I was so sleepy it took until 1 pm to wake fully up. I managed a swim–which was really nice. It was nice to be OUTSIDE after days of illness!
I did good holding down food all day Wednesday, but this morning at 4 am I woke with tummy issues. Yay me! Mike made them worse! Just sayin’!
Yesterday my weight was down for the first time in weeks and then this morning it was right back up. Haha! I’m not sure how someone who has not eaten in days and could barely eat yesterday could GAIN weight. But alas, I usually can find a way to gain when others would lose. Yay me–not!
I will be hitting the pool again today. I want regain strength after my recent illness. I had been doing so well in the pool. It helped my foot rehab and the rest of my body stay unkinked. This is tha big deal! For me it is supper important to KEEP MOVING. Donna, the trainer nazi, taught me how to keep my body moving even with injuries so that the whole mess didn’t go out. I have quite a few injuries to my body which require that I KEEP MOVING in order to manage the pain levels. The pool was a Godsend for keeping moving! Sadly, I had to be gone from the pool. It had been two weeks since I’d been able to swim or really exercise, and my body was starting to feel the pain of that. I walked and such, but nothing much more.
At this size I do not like going to the gym and will avoid it if possible. I know my vanity is not helpful, but the pity I see on peoples faces makes me want to break something. I don’t want pity. And then, there are those with disgust, they bother me, but not as bad as the prior. People say things like,”–push through–you will make it.” I know they mean to be encouraging, but they only highlight my failure/setback. I don’t know these people, they aren’t trainers, they don’t know my story–they just think they are being nice. I appreciate their desire to encourage me–but it demotivates me–I just want to go to the gym and workout. I don’t want a pep talk, F@#&–just don’t notice me at all–or if you do smile and say great day or Great workout or something like that.
Seriously, I need to get over myself.
Imma gonna go for a swim and improve my mood and get to work on things that make me smile and rejoice!