I am Spiraling, but not out of control. I am in a whirlwind of amazing things and yet …
I sit on my bed puzzling about what to write in my diary. Do I try and formulate a way to say things in a different way–about my same subject of morbid obesity? I’ve had numerous thoughts at different times about blog posts that I have longed to pen over the past few months, but had little to no time to write. My life has been a delicious blur.
Now, that I have time, my mind goes blank–devoid of any valuable thing to post. I am determined to write, forgive me if I wander aimlessly about this post, I miss writing and the wonderful people that I have met here. … so here we go …
I am still working on discovering what the heck is going on with my body. Why does it want to viscerally evacuate every morsel of food out of my being, leaving me weak and barely able to handle my daily life tasks.
–OK, I am hearing my business strategist saying, “Shonnie you do a LOT.” I have supremely high expectations of what I should be able to accomplish. I rarely give myself credit for the things I accomplish. It may seem that I brag in this diary, but it is hard for me to allow those accomplishments to rest in my heart or mind.–
I am still, barely, exercising–which is extremely weird, and I am trying to correct that. Mike bought me a machine that I do actually like, except that it won’t stretch the back of my legs out. We are working on a way to correct that. I have NO desire to take my FAT A#$ to a gym right now. This new machine is really good and can help me get some of my strength back–but ya gotta use it. For some reason this week I just couldn’t make myself do much. It is possible after two weeks of parties that I … am … desperately … TIRED, and that RESTING is the best possible way to keep my body from breaking down.
I have no real appetite–because I am afraid of what it will do to my stomach–so what’s the point of food? I am obese and I barely eat. I eat like someone on a diet–not because I am trying to punish myself, but I have no appetite. I am sick of the food I make so I ordered me a new cookbook and meal planning guide–I’m excited about that. Last night I made, old fashioned style, popcorn. I ate the whole bowl–or most of it. It was Wonderful–and it doesn’t hurt that it makes the tummy rumbles slow WAY down.
I know this post sounds morbid, but my life is really great right now. I am on the cusp of something amazing in our business. I push all the new ideas through until they become something everyone else can do–so right now I have glorious brain rot from learning so many new things. I am beyond excited and happy with most all other aspects of my life, besides the largess of my physical body that slows me down.
see you soon,
One thought on “Spiraling”
Shonnie – I don’t know anyone who has agonized over her weight, or analyzed and re-analyzed more than you about your weight. You DO sound happy, if not a bit confused. Stress can do mean things to your body, so the agonizing that you do is probably not your friend.
Continue to treat yourself with care. Rest. light activity, bland foods and something will give. It always does. In the meantime, I am so excited about your future business endeavor, discovery or whatever you call it.
Merry Christmas and Happy New year.