I know I haven’t written much lately, but it isn’t for the reasons you might imagine. I have not lost interest. I have not gotten so depressed I can’t write. I’m not avoiding the reality of gaining all my weight back. That I am 260 pound woman again. My life is blowing up with amazingly wonderful things that I have had to take action on or lose the opportunity.
Today was different. I had the misfortune of running into two outwardly beautiful young women, just after being violently ill in the public bathhouse. As sick as I was, the reality of the crowded restroom pressed on my mind an urgency to wrap things up for the others desperatly awaiting their turn. As I made my way to the line of uncrowded sinks to rinse off my glasses and soap my hands–I struggled to stand upright and keep my balance: I was so weak. I turned to make my way out of the bathhouse to rinse off under the outdoor showers when I noticed two girls laughing and pointing their camera phone at me.
I figured they took a picture of the fat lady to post on FB or Instagram. Saddened that they would make such a sport of me–and yes they were making sport of me because I was the only one at the sinks and one girl giggled a crude remark as the both looked at me and laughed. I made my way through the door and to the shower–horribly weak, but looking forward to rinsing the sand from my bottom–there was a LOT on it–and my skirt was stuffed in to my bottoms as well as my top. Now, I was horrified at what might be circling the internet.
This is why there so much violence in the world. Kindness doesn’t even enter anyone’s mind. Had I saw someone about to leave the bathroom with their clothes in such a state–I would have tried to help them. Does that make me super kind? I kind of thought that made me normal–doing what one person should do.
How can people scream about injustice when they revel in the harm of someone they don’t even know? Is being fat food for fodder and abuse? Does it matter why I’m fat or that I am very sick? Does it matter that it was a huge victory for me to go out?
If you think it does–you are part of the problem with the world today. I’m going to win at my life–and I can’t see how mean spirited people ever end up on top of anything–so there!
I’m going to be just fine. My prayers are for their calloused souls and those of their parents–because something horrible will come in their futures if their hearts don’t change.
I did fill up my day with wonderful memories of my Granddaughter and my husband who loves me…..