Fat girl limping

That’s pretty much all I do these days.  It is so hot outside that I have trouble getting out and working out.  So… I wobble around or go at early in the morning.

I am so angry–I am fatter than I have ever been.  I live in constant fear of dying.  We lost our insurance at a critical time and I have been limping down the health road too.  Now, this horrible three month journey ended up with a much better plan and something that we an now offer to our employees–at a much lower cost!

So many difficult things are happening in my life and have for the past 3 or so years that I just have been unable to write–I have been the angry fat woman.  I am so angry it is hard to write–because everyone gets upset if I walk in the way I actually feel.  It is like I am not allowed to be real about my anger.  People want to fix it–want to make me be happy–I’m not good at being what I am not.

So I stopped writing.  I didn’t want the Pollyanna clichés that people share with you–is about as helpful as a toothache. I know people mean well, but it isn’t helpful. They don’t understand how hard I work to NOT respond how I feel.  I feel like smacking them upside the head or verbally eviscerating  them–at this point in the game I am not even sure how I don’t give over.  I’m Thanking God I don’t though!

I’m trying to change the way I feel about caring what people think about my anger and getting back to writing to get this crap out of me.  This poison needs to go.

You might see me soon … I can’t lie … I have a hard time being real about the anger in print.

Shonnie