Yeah, I wanted to use many bad words in the title of thi post–I went for restraint–I’m trying to stay calm and positive. My new Thyroid meds attacked me. Tried to strangle me and take me out! I have felt bad for a few months. Thought it was the respitory mess that I was dealing with at first. Then, I thought it was the diet changes I was making, but then … it didn’t go away. I was walking the heart attack line!!!!!!!!!!! I was dancing with a demon! Over my Anniversary Weekend it all came to a head … with blood pressure numbers that were off the charts bad. My numbers had been so good that we were talking about steping the meds for it down–so it never occurred to me to check my BP as to why I was feeling so bad. I’m out of town and sad about the weekend, but happy to have figured out the problem and still be alive with no major damage. We had talked about taking a trip, but we may just stay close to home and doctors just to be on the safe side. Does anyone beside me hate going to the doctor FAT? There is a distinct difference in the way they treat you fat as to when you are skinny. I hate … hate… hate… hate … going to the doctor fat. Just sayin’. Now, I am gonna be at the doc a lot to get all this crap worked out. Did I mention that I hate going to the doctor?
I remind myself that I should be grateful that I am hear to bitch about having to go to the doctor fat. Grateful that I get the chance to keep working on my health and fitness. Makes sense now why my new program was doing NOTHING exciting when other folks were losing big on it. I’m Grateful to have another chance to figure all this other stuff out. Still, I’m struggling with being angry about my lost weekend and the loss of the past few months of feeling like CRAP!
Now … I’m weak and tired … but mentally feeling better when I am not mad. I cannot allow myself to get mad or scared–drives the BP up! I actually wanted to get out and do something today–so I did. This is huge. It has been months. I am looking forward to feeling better! Heck …Mike is going to feel spoiled … the roast is ON!!