Well, at least that I how I feel these days. I know I have gained and when your family is beating about the bush and saying things like, “I think you might have gained a little” … well you know you have probably gained WAY more than you want to accept. The sad truth of my matter.
At first I thought maybe there could just possibly be some puffiness from my weight lifting because that always happens, but … well … I guess some of it went down. Not enough. My clothes are fitting tighter now than they did before I left Alaska. So the problem has occured upon returning. The problem occured when I became HORRIBLY exhuasted and had no food options and was consuming what ever I could get my hands on to hopefully garner some form of energy. I’m hungry now. I am not going to eat, but I thought I would share that for and FYI. I know it is because I am tired and the food isn’t going to fix my problem; it might make my life worse though.
I have mentioned several times about being tired. I don’t know how to explain it so that you can understand. I will try. There is a wave that has often, in the past, surged up in me. This wave would overwhelm my body with exhuastion completely leaving me devoid of strength for living. Mental fogs, loss of coordination, inability to concentrate, easily angered, and the list goes on. I have to ride this wave unto its end. There is no jumping off by pushing harder. You can’t get up and shake it off. If you do it will hang around longer. I just have to wait for it to pass … I don’t do waiting well … Just sayin’.
Thankfully, when we went to the beach and I couldn’t go any more … we recognized it as an important signal and we stopped. Over the past few weeks I have been unable to keep up with my life or my blog because, bloggin as you know requires mental energy, and energy is energy. I have had very little energy.
Thankfully, I know that this will come to an end, and if I am reasonable with my food (I have gone shopping–so that is a HUGE plus) I won’t have too bad of a problem to deal with when I get to the end of this wave’s path.
Thankfully, I know that I have lost weight all year last year and I can handle what ever the scale is going to show–WHEN–I finally step on it. I have decided to NOT weigh, because my sweet parents are here and if I were to have worse news than I am expecting I do not want to go through the emotional breakdown with them around. Not because they would be horrible or anything … they don’t do well with my crying. They want to fix whatever my problem might be … and this one is just going to take time … and processing. Only I can “fix” this deal-i-o so I think I will “wait” to “weigh” for a better day. ahahahaha … yeah, I am fine. Why do you ask? Doesn’t everyone laugh?
Thankfully, I have a LOT of great support so I will get through this struggle as well as the many that I have trimphed over in the past year. I have a great medical team so … I won’t be out here alone. Yea me!
Later in the week I will let ya know when I am gonna step on the scales … Later gaters … oh and forgive the typo’s. I will fix them later. Sleepy now and I think I should go with that. S