NOPE! That would be a definite NO.
I have a lot to say, but do you want to hear it? If I write what I feel you will see how truly angry I am at times. You would probably find it hard to understand how I can be so generally happy if I can get this angry. It is however possible. I assure you both can exist within the same normally positive happy person. I have found that when I express those feelings of anger people shy away from me. I don’t particularly like that reaction to my person. I don’t LIVE in these angry moments. They are just part of life.
My life anyway.
So you say you want a glimpse. Well, earlier today I shared my anger with 26 of my friends regarding some the issues that I haven’t been able to share publicly on my blog, and now only 24 of my friends are still in my message group. hahahaha … she laughs wearily, then asks, “Are you sure you wanna look behind the veil?”
Ok–how about a word association of what I have battled for days.
- Darkness so black effortlessly consuming all light where not even the faintest shimmer finds strength to escape.
- Crushing disappointment, weighted with a thousand elephants stampeding in opposite directions with entangled connections one to the soul and each other …pulling … straining … wrenching.
- A pain so horrible one can barely breathe.
- Anger rises in a furious rampage upon the realization of the helpless ineffectuality of ones personal strength to change situations.
- A mind marbled with frustration–so steeped in mental anguish the it strains for life giving clarity as if trapped within a narrow smoke filled hallway leading to a steep stairwell.
- Strength, might, vitality, and vigor seem but a dream not quite remembered, but only a fleating thought filling the heart with remorse.
See I told you–you didn’t want any part of where my mind is. NO, I will not stay here. Even the overwhelming part makes the anger rise. I hate feeling powerless–it makes me ANGRY! This has been a tough year. I am working on how to extract myself from some of my drama. Some cannot be removed it just has to be journeyed through. Some is what it is and will always be a part of my life complicating and bringing with it sorrow, pain, and frustration.
There is the lighter more irritating than anything of my gaining weight. That, and not being able to get it moving in the downward direction, but given my current situation I feel this is a minor thing. I don’t like it, but it can and WILL be dealt with soon. I just have to get through, NOW.
I find it hard to write about things in a cryptic manner. I am better at the full frontal approach with honesty and openness. Vague generalities are not my specialty, and probably why I would NEVER make a good politician. Who knows — maybe people would like someone who really can’t lie well — not to say that all politicians lie exactly. Although I doubt that people really want a truther as much as I hate to say it–that has been my personal experience. I have found that people like you to be open about you–but just not where it concerns them. We all generally like to live in our imagined status in our lives without the rude interruptions of truth about our own nastiness–so best to stick to blog posts and stay out of the political arena.
I’m not giving in to emotional eating too often. Emotional eating/stress eating is a HUGE pressure not for consolation, but because it requires energy to cook and eat well. I don’t have energy. I don’t feel like cooking. I just want to eat when I feel like eating. Not a great place to be for over all healthy living. I find that healthy eating requires emotional energy.
Why is that?? Does anyone know?
Even with my prefering it to junk–junk is easier. Eating out is easier. You can eat out with in reason, but after a point it all tastes the same–BLAH. I prefer my own cooking. Well, enough whining for this evening.
No change. Is good change. I will keep you posted. I will try to post even if it is just snipits.
Oh … would love it if you would share with me your methods for controling your emotional eating during times of extreme stress.