I hit tha Wall

My latest controversial diet push hit the wall.

What to do?  Do I press in and hope that I will get over the hump in time?

I don’t think so.  Why?  I hit the wall in a weight loss stall, but not only that I was staying hungry, which means I was no longer going to be able to push in this direction.  I was left with a choice of which path to follow now.  I am not where I want to be in body shape or weight.  So, what was the controversial diet push, you ask?  HCG.  Go ahead rag me out.  Shame me.  Tell me it doesn’t work.  That it is trash and I’m cheating or taking the easy way out — or read on hear me out — maybe you will see things in a different light.  I’m no longer going to be ashamed of my hard work and efforts.  Just not gonna … you read … you be the judge … but I’m still me.  I am strong.  And proud of my efforts.

NO diet/lifestyle change is easy.  EVER.  Just sayin’.

I have found several things that work for me.  Slow weight loss doesn’t happen for me with diet and exercise.  I spent all of last year trying to do that very thing, only to be frustrated on every side.  It didn’t work for me.  Sadly, my body requires strange pushes to lose.  I am over being mad that I can’t be like everyone else.  Now, all there is to be done is for you to accept me as I am.  I’m imperfect, I have to use gimmicks and trick my body to make it release fat stores.  I eat healthy even when I make these pushes–top quality.  I have learned how to get the most food on the least calories you can imagine.  My bloodwork numbers and lowered medications prove that my efforts were worth the risks I took to get here.  Loves, Don’t waste your breath telling me I am harming myself, because I have seriously improved my health on all levels … there have been no damages to my well being … only improvements.

If you have read my blog for any length of time you KNOW I love to get moving.  You know I like to eat clean.  My body is very insulin resistant, it worked well with Optifast for weight loss, but hormonally/emotionally I was a basket case–mad all the time–crazy mad, and teary all the time (I love the OptiFast/UAB EatRight Folks–they changed my life!).  I couldn’t get any lower with my medications eating in this manner.  My family endured the mood-swings and fits, but I just don’t feel that is a great way for me to live.  I do best on Atkins/Paleo/Primal type diets for long term lifestyle.  To loose I have to either do Optifast, Fat Fast, or HCG.  Why?  Well, sometimes bodies (like mine) are just so jacked up hormonally it requires a hormone or something else strange to straighten things out.  I got my HCG from a doctor.  Who takes my blood work and monitors my health.  I have issues that work with the hormone.

My experience with HCG has been amazingly wonderful.  I have done GREAT with the drops.  There was something about the drops that righted what was wrong in my body.  Let me answer some of the arguments I often hear regarding HCG.

Argument:  The Drops don’t work.

Rebuttal:  Maybe they don’t for some, but they do for me.  They help with a number of things in my body.  I burn fat, and it comes off FIRST from the unhealthy parts of my body–my belly and the top of my rear.  My hair (which fell out almost leaving me bald with OptiFast and other diets) grew back in very healthy and thicker than it has been in years–super bonus (which would not happen if my body wasn’t getting nutriens needed for health  i.e. I was starving).  My moods are calm and I am generally NOT hungry even on 500 calories.

Argument: You only lose because of the Low Calorie not the drops.

Rebuttal:  That maybe true for some, but not in my case.  If I eat 500 calories, and NO DROPs for more than a day, I GAIN.  Yes, you heard right.  If I starve myself on too low calories when I don’t take the drops … I GAIN… evey time.  My body goes into FAT STORAGE.  So, the drops work in my case, if they were not doing anything I would gain.  This is just my experience–I have no tests to back this up.    My conclusion is they work for me, but I don’t get them off the net.  I can’t.  Why?  Because I am on hormone replacement therapy and you can’t use the homeopathic stuff on the net HCG while on HRT.  So, I paid more and went to a doc to get mine.  I don’t like doing extreme diets without a doc on board to make sure things are going well.  I don’t take risks with my health.

Argument:  It is too risky.

Rebuttal:  Yeah, I guess it could be.  BUT my question for you: Is the excess weight and the strain it pust on my body not risky?  When you get to a place of morbid obesity and the metabolic syndrome of death is hanging over your head–almost anything is less risky than doing NOTHING.  Or doing what works for everyone else, and beating yourself up because their plan won’t work for you.  Excuse me for being blunt, but it is insane to keep doing what works for everyone, but not you.  I spent years feeling shame that what worked for others, but did not for me–won’t waste another second feeling shame that I have had to take extreme measures.

So … if it works so great … why ya stoppin’?  Glad you asked that question.  You will hit a point when your body won’t respond to the drops any longer.  I am there.  I am not sure why, but I am.  I should be able to get lower on the drops, but my body is saying NO!  So, I am listening and slid over into the Paleo/Primal/Low Carb life right now.  Will probably hit the Fat Fast again to stop any cravings that pop up, and get a few more pounds off the midsection.  I like how I look right now.  I need to get a touch more of the belly off so that I can transition off the rest of my meds — then I am just living life.  Not working to lose, but working to be healthy.  This is my goal … to live … to eat … to exercise/play, and be HEALTHY.

I know it is the latest fad to say, “I’m not on a diet I am just eating healthy.”  I agree with that.  I love that attitude, but I have to diet if I want to BE HEALTHY.  It is about the weight for me.  Why?  Because it is the WEIGHT that is causing the strain on my body.  Even my stronger, heavier self isn’t good for my heart.  So I have had to focus on losing–so that I could focus on strength later.  It has been super hard not to focus on strength training.  I LOVE strength training.  It makes me feel powerful, but I can’t lose and train.  My body goes into fat storage.  It makes me nuts.  I have a few things I am working on to see if I can take more of the guess work out of my weight loss-weight training-healthy-living Lifestyle in the future, but first I had to focus on weight loss.

I refuse to be ashamed of the efforts that I have taken to lose weight.  My life is at risk.  My hope for a future is at stake, and I am willing to put myself out there to live and be here for my family.   I do my best to make sure there are minimal risks to my over all health and well being.  I pay the price for the tests to make sure what I am doing is good for my body.  I’ll say it again, I am not going to go around slinking in the shadows like some murder … ashamed of my efforts as if they are less than someone who managed to change their diet and activites and the weight fell off.  I am happy for those people who normal diet/lifestyle changes work.  They have earned the right to be PROUD of their work.  I am proud of their work, but no one has the right to make me feel less about my HARD WORK and efforts. Just because my plan had to be different and risky doesn’t make it less or shameful.  I started in the fitness industry in 1986, and if I could have made the fat come off in the conventional ways it would have been off a LONG time ago. I have a lifetime of healthy living behind me–I was raised eating well–clean and fresh.  I have had a lifelong love of activity … so why then was I obese?

Long story … you can read my first post here and my second here if you want a deeper background … because this post is long enough already.  🙂

So, this is what I know …

I know I am faithful, persistant, dilligent, dedicated, loyal, kind, longsuffering, and hard working, and today is my coming out party.  I am coming out of the Shame Closet.  I’m going to love myself and be proud of my efforts.  I have done what works for me.  I am healthier for my efforts.  I have Nothing to be ashamed of.


Trying to keep myself accountable.  :)

Trying to keep myself accountable. 🙂

14 thoughts on “I hit tha Wall

  1. There is no such thing as cheating. Sometimes we need to do “risky” things to reach the goals we want to, and whatever works – works, and everyone’s unique. It’s just a matter to find out what works for oneself and you seem to have done so. congrats! (you look gorgeous by the way, if it is allowed for a random stranger to say so =D )

  2. I certainly believe that what works for you, works for YOU. You’re not selling to anyone else, or asking people to follow along with you in the products. I do believe you did the right thing being honest with your followers, though. I’m very straightforward with my peeps about anything and everything I eat, drink and use as supplements. They love me for that, more than they would if I lied to them or misled them in some way.

    Haters are gonna hate, let em go. Keep your head up and keep on keepin’ on.

    -The Heavyweight Runner

  3. Funny, I was thinking the same thing as Peter. Why is your blog called Diary of an ANGRY FAT Woman? It seems a misnomer. As you change, maybe your blog name can, too.

    This blog seemed to be a justification for what you are trying right now. Are you justifying it to us (you certainly don’t need to) or to you? And why would you even have to that? Do what works for you. Every body is different. And you know your body better than anyone else does. Trust in yourself, Shonnie.

  4. If that photo is what you look like at the moment, you look bloody amazing if you’ll excuse the language bought on by a mixture admiration and wonder. That diet has worked a treat. Time to change the name of your Blog in my opinion. No sign of any fat women in there these days

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